Aloofness of Irish people.

kneemos

Moncrief was on about it this afternoon and it is certainly something I have experienced over the years,people will welcome you and talk and be friendly but becoming part of a social group can be very difficult,particularly if your not Irish.What would other peoples experiences be of becoming part of an established social group?

LivelineDipso

Go away. Shoo!

Bejubby

Your a black sheep aren't you.

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa!








Mehehhehehhe

theteal

just buy a round, sorted

woodoo

Cliques are they way here. It can be difficult alright. But not everyone is part of a clique though.

Gauss

Moncrieff can be an arrogant twat at times. I do like him usually, but he has a tendency to be very condescending.

LivelineDipso

I wonder how these Irish cliques came about? Seems unique to us.

cantdecide

If you're mad or sound, you'll be grand. If your madness or soundness aren't your most notable traits, you're in for a rough time. I think it's one of these social currency things...

xLexie

woodoo wrote: »

Cliques are they way here. It can be difficult alright. But not everyone is part of a clique though.

They're the unpopular people and it would be social suicide to befriend those, obviously.

JohnMarston

kneemos wrote: »

Moncrief was on about it this afternoon and it is certainly something I have experienced over the years,people will welcome you and talk and be friendly but becoming part of a social group can be very difficult,particularly if your not Irish.What would other peoples experiences be of becoming part of an established social group?

I would imagine that is a universal situation. Someone moves to X but finds it hard to integrate with people from X on account of being from Y. Even fellow Irish people find it difficult to break into social groups consisting of other Irish.

Miss Lockhart

What's the difference between a clique and a group of friends?

galwayrush

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

What's the difference between a clique and a group of friends?

Looking out or looking in.;)

statesaver

Thank fuk my college days are over and i don't have to make friends, i'm in my 30's and don't care anymore.

woodoo

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

What's the difference between a clique and a group of friends?

Not much but it becomes a clique if they don't really welcome anyone else in.

Fox_In_Socks

JohnMarston wrote: »

I would imagine that is a universal situation. Someone moves to X but finds it hard to integrate with people from X on account of being from Y. Even fellow Irish people find it difficult to break into social groups consisting of other Irish.

Stop talking sense! It's banned here.:pac:

statesaver wrote: »

Thank fuk my college days are over and i don't have to make friends, i'm in my 30's and don't care anymore.

That's the spirit. Just that and inevitable decline.:pac:

For those who do say that Irish are superficially friendly, but are hard to get tie down to a friendship, have ye done better outside of Ireland? What do you think this?

Me, I wouldn't have close friends, but that's mainly because I don't make an effort to instigate things with acquaintences more. I wouldn't put it down to me or them being Irish. I could move to Germany next week and find that because I'm in a new country and without family/routine, I would have to make more of an effort and so it would seem that friends are easier to find.

Miss Lockhart

woodoo wrote: »

Not much but it becomes a clique if they don't really welcome anyone else in.

I can't say I really see this a lot tbh. People "welcome" others whose company they enjoy and with whom they have mutual interests. I haven't seen people excluded since I was in school.

And I say that as somebody who has no friends. I personally don't think it's difficult to make friends in Ireland - I'm just not interested in them.

Daroxtar

Be Aloof. Your country needs Loofs

woodoo

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I can't say I really see this a lot tbh. People "welcome" others whose company they enjoy and with whom they have mutual interests. I haven't seen people excluded since I was in school.

And I say that as somebody who has no friends. I personally don't think it's difficult to make friends in Ireland - I'm just not interested in them.

People only really refer to cliques when they are the ones rejected from a group

JohnMarston

Daroxtar wrote: »

Be Aloof. Your country needs Loofs

Who are you calling a Loof?

imitation

Irish people don't particularly strike me as anything different to other nations for having friends, in fact I think at the country folk seem to have massive social groups(not all necessarily best friends for life).

I think if there is one difference its that we are probably bad about "talking" with friends depression and other heavy life matters.

Madam_X

I think this is just said in order to go against the grain and pick faults in us as a nation (has become fashionable in recent years). Irish people in general are extremely friendly. Cliches/stereotypes, while certainly not always gospel, do have a basis in reality.
Obviously you'll get some aloof Irish people and unpleasant incidents - as you would anywhere, but overall... it's disingenuous to say this place is frosty and unfriendly.

summerskin

Madam_X wrote: »

I think this is just said in order to go against the grain and pick faults in us as a nation (has become fashionable in recent years). Irish people in general are extremely friendly. Cliches/stereotypes, while certainly not always gospel, do have a basis in reality.
Obviously you'll get some aloof Irish people and unpleasant incidents - as you would anywhere, but overall... it's disingenuous to say this place is frosty and unfriendly.

I would never say the Irish are unfriendly, however it is usually very superficial I find.

I've lived in various parts of the world and made friends, real friends, wherever I have been. Except for Ireland. Here I have dozens of acquaintances, all good for a day in the pub etc, but no friends. Nobody to talk to about deeper issues, personal issues. It just doesn't seem to be the done thing here.

I usually end up phoning friends in the UK or France when I want to have a proper conversation.

CreepingDeath

kneemos wrote: »

...something I have experienced over the years,people will welcome you and talk and be friendly but becoming part of a social group can be very difficult,particularly if your not Irish.

Social groups are hierarchal, just like animal groups on nature programmes.

If a group do not consider you their equal, then they're not likely to make the effort to include you.
What bonds the group together?
Is it age/maturity, length of time working together, sports, loads of nights out in the pub/history? If you identify that, you'll know what you're lacking.

If you can't go out and get hammered in a pub with the group, have a bit of craic and engage properly with them in conversation then you're not going to be one of the inner circle in the group.

Introverts can't expect extroverts to make the effort to carry them all the time.

Fr_Dougal

JohnMarston wrote: »

Who are you calling a Loof?

This guy.

Fox_In_Socks

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

This guy.

I had a shower. A shower that one day, would make me and all God's children clean

cantdecide

summerskin wrote: »

I would never say the Irish are unfriendly, however it is usually very superficial I find.

I've lived in various parts of the world and made friends, real friends, wherever I have been. Except for Ireland. Here I have dozens of acquaintances, all good for a day in the pub etc, but no friends. Nobody to talk to about deeper issues, personal issues. It just doesn't seem to be the done thing here.

I usually end up phoning friends in the UK or France when I want to have a proper conversation.

Also my experience- hence my mad/ sound theory. If you try to have an actual conversation with a lot of Irish people, they think you're weird!!

ordinary_girl

CreepingDeath wrote: »

If you can't go out and get hammered in a pub with the group, have a bit of craic and engage properly with them in conversation then you're not going to be one of the inner circle in the group.

This. I found that I wasn't really clicking with the people I worked with, they all had history etc and I felt I wasn't really breaking through into the clique. Once I started going on staff nights out with them and getting pissed I actually ended up becoming great friends with most of them! And who says socialising in Ireland centres around drink?:rolleyes:

Capt'n Midnight

TBH even if you are Irish and you go to live in Dundalk or Sligo you'll still be a blow in after 30 years

Wanderer2010

Irish people can be very very cliquey, especially groups of young people in late 20s early 30s, it happens when people who have lived or worked together for a long time and have no intention of moving on just settling into a rock solid routine and not allowing anyone else in. Other groups can be friendly enough but they dont want to make any connection with you outside a superficial "where you from, do you drink here much"? etc..

Zebra3

There's a clique of fit foreign birds down my local that won't let me into their group.

Racists. :mad:

newmug

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Social groups are hierarchal, just like animal groups on nature programmes.

If a group do not consider you their equal, then they're not likely to make the effort to include you.
What bonds the group together?
Is it age/maturity, length of time working together, sports, loads of nights out in the pub/history? If you identify that, you'll know what you're lacking.

If you can't go out and get hammered in a pub with the group, have a bit of craic and engage properly with them in conversation then you're not going to be one of the inner circle in the group.

Introverts can't expect extroverts to make the effort to carry them all the time.

^^^^^This.


What makes people think they're entitled to belong to a group? What did you ever contribute to that group? In my core group of friends, we all went to the same primary school together. Most of us are related. We all got in trouble together, we all had mad adventures together. Then when we went into the big, bad secondary school where lads from different towns clashed, we stuck together. And that has stayed prettymuch the same through adult life.

The ironic thing is though, I find most cliques stick together because they see themselves as outsiders! And sure who'd want to be friends with us anyway!!?!?!?!!

As for having friends to "open up" to, you dont do that with acquaintances, you just dont. You wouldn't even do it with your core group. The way I see it, to do that, you would need to be on the same level of trust with somebody that you would give your bank details to, ie wife / husband, mother. Would you do that with aquaintances? No way!

And this is not an "Irish" thing. Its just human nature. Maybe, if its your fisrt time away from home, family and friends etc, you might just be noticing it a bit more.