Should I give up? Or am I over reacting

LegacyUser

Usual poster but want to remain anon for this thread!

Basically - I'm with my BF 2 years now. I'm 26, he's 24

As any other couple, we have our ups and downs, that doesnt bother me as it's natural. However in the last 6 months or so I have noticed things seem to be not so great. My partner seems to think everything is grand and cant see what the problem is. I know all of this is not in my head so here goes!

He cares more about his PS3 than he does about me.. There's been nights where he'll ask me down to his and I go and he leaves me sitting there while he plays the stupid thing and I literally have zero tolerance left over it. Or other times his younger brother (in his 20's) will come in and they start playing and I'm left sitting there like a mug... I have said it to him over and over again until I'm blue in the face and all I get is.. "yeah just one min" and when he knows I'm annoyed he thinks saying "sorry" is sufficient.. The word "sorry" from him means literally f*ck all to me these days as he has worn it out so much..

He used to always ring and text me for the first year and now, I'm lucky if I get one call a day off him... He never charges the phone, so I have no way of getting in contact with him.. he "lost" his phone for 6 days over Christmas and I was furious at not being able to contact him regarding plans etc.. and he swore he had searched everywhere including down the back of the cushion on sofa, which is where I found it in 2 mins of looking for him.. It just looks to me like he could not give a sh*t whether he talks to me or not. I have spoke to him about it and he said he hates having a phone and that it's nothing to do with me...

He says he loves me and wants to be with me etc.. but to me I just feel that he's plain lazy and immature and couldnt care less if he was in a relationship with me or not. By the way I have said all of the above to him and he has just reassured me nothing is wrong and to just calm down and relax about us... Which I do and then he goes and lets me down over and over again to the point where I have had enough of "talking" to him about all this. Honestly I feel exhausted even thinking of bringing this up with him.

He has 2 younger brothers who are both going to USA for the summer this year. He wanted to go too with me but as I have no college education, I cant get a holiday visa for it. It was brought up last night at his family dinner and honestly I was extremely close to bursting into tears at the table. He was really mean about it and was making smart comments about how depressing it will be at home without the 2 brothers there and he is going mad he cant go (he wont go without me you see) I just felt like crap! we had massive arguments over it a few months ago and I said that I felt like I was holding him back, and I suggested that if he wanted to go then we could either call time on our relationship or else he could just go without me - I'm trying to do what's best for him here not me and he kept assuring me that no, he didnt want to go without me but the way he went on last night made my heart wrench, feeling like it was my fault that he couldnt go...

I just dont know what to do people! I am so unhappy at the moment but as usual like most people in a similar situation to me, I cannot end it with him. Cannot be without him and I do feel physically sick thinking of life without him. I know I should sit him down and tell him all this but I think it could be a waste of time.. he might change his ways for a week or 2 but then it's back to the usual BS.. a few months ago I sent him a page long email of all the things that were bothering me and he flipped at me. He had a bad day in work and reading the email didnt help his humour which is fair enough but it has turned me off sending him another... There are a few other things that bother me but I actually feel too emotionally drained to start listing them off too.


I just dont know what to do! What a great start to the new year!! I would really love some genuine, helpful advice. I am not willing to give up on this so easily but I need some advice as to how I should sort this out!

cantdecide

I think there might be an unhealthy codependency in your relationship. He's unashamedly taking you for granted and nothing you've tried has changed his tune. The fact that he won't go to the US without you even for a summer stands out. Your situation is clearly eroding you yet you don't seem to want to do anything decisive out of fear of losing this guy with a long history of casually mistreating you.

You're both still young and have the world at you're respective feet and I think it's good that you don't want to 'hold him back' (although clearly no one is holding him back but himself). What I would suggest is insist that you want him to go away for the summer and that you'll both remain exclusive. That could be the acid test for your relationship but you would have to accept that there's a strong possibility that he might not come home to fall back into the relationship comfort zone with you.

Richy06

Reading that, OP, I think the gut feeling you have over this is right. He's young, immature and probably doesn't want to be in the relationship. The whole 'loosing' the phone thing etc seems a bit much and doesn't even really sound true to be honest.

Either way, him saying everything is 'grand' is a cop out. Relationships are about two people. You have concerns that he won't listen to or address with any kind of seriousness. I think you probably know what you should do, but are too afraid to actually do it.

daisybelle2008

Wishtoremainanon wrote: »

I am so unhappy
I cannot end it with him
Cannot be without him
I am not willing to give up on this so easily

OP you have given yourself no options but to continue as you are and worse. He has absolutely no incentive to change his behaviour, there are no consequences. You are telling us and him that you will put up with any sh*t as you are unable to end the relationship. You have a role as the nagging girlfriend ruining his 'fun', he is the put upon boyfriend trying to escape with his PS3. Thats the dynamic your have settled on. Welcome to your future.
The only thing that will work is showing him you are not going to tolerate this and leave him and mean it.
Your other option is to totally accept that you are second fiddle to PS3 and continue as you are..
He has the relationship he wants with you for now, he doesn't want more time with you or he would spend it with you. My guess is that he will find someone else (6 days AWOL over XMAS :eek:) who will keep him on his toes and that will be much more attractive than someone being a needy, nagging doormat.

nowyouresix

OP: break up with him. You're at a stage where you are unwittingly mothering him. You're still so young....find someone a little older than you.
Good luck.

ash23

I have to be honest and ask why you "can't end it" when it seems there is nothing good about the relationship?