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Need A Bit Of Help

  • 28-12-2012 6:38pm
    #1
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭


    For once I'm the one asking for help, so be nice guys! :)

    I have a friend back home, but not a close friend if you see what I mean. My friend is Scottish, but usually goes for ethnic guys. Her ex is Tunisian. Life's not been easy for her, but she's made the best of things.

    Recently, she's been chatting to a Jamaican guy on the internet. Nothing wrong with that, but he wants to take things further. She's been spending a bit of time with him in JA and seems to have fallen for him.

    She wants my opinion on the guy. I've never met him, but I have a feeling without being nasty, he's interested in her for a passport. I've seen it happen so many times, the same move was tried on me in the West Indies too. I can see what's happening a mile off...

    Should I sugar coat things and tell her what she wants to hear? Or should I be truthful and tell her to enjoy herself whilst it lasts but to be prepared for him buggering off when he asks her to come over to London and either he's refused a visa or she's asked to support him when he's there.

    Some opinions would be great.

    TIA :)


Comments

  • #2
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Give her your honest opinion and let her decide then. I had that quandary once and said what I thought - the relationship progressed anyway and thank god it did as it was a great match.


  • #3
    looksee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,093 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Internet relationships are dodgy at the best of times. Since you haven't met him you can't be expected to have an opinion on him. All you can do is point out the possibilities, but beyond that - well she is an adult and must make her own decisions. As you say, he might not be able to take it any further, but you are not really in a position to do more than offer a warning and let her go from there.


  • #4
    Esoteric_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    If I were in your position, I'd be honest about how I felt.

    However, I'd be careful how I word it. If you come across as too blunt about it, she could get defensive and take huge offense to it.

    Just tell her gently what you think of the situation, but also make sure to tell her you'll be there to support her, whatever decision she makes. At least that way, she can still comfortable speaking to you if something does go wrong.


  • #5
    a posse ad esse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 136 ✭✭a posse ad esse


    I would tell her the truth. You have been through it before and know what to look out for. If she doesn't want to listen to your advice at least tell her to take things slowly and not rush in to move in together in a very short span of time. When he starts to act impatiently as to why things are going slowly that is a good enough sign for her. If he genuinely likes her and wants to be with her he would be respectful and go at her pace. If not, than it is one of those relationships based on convenience.


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