Husband wants to Seperate, so upset...

Oscars Mum

My husband wants to seperate (I don't) and I am heartbroken, anxious, angry, sad and very, very emotional.... We have 2 children with additional needs so I'm really worried about the future and how I will manage to keep up working full time... Which i need to for financial reasons... I am distraught and don't know what to do ir where to start... I'm so worried I won't make it alone, I have actually considered just running away and leaving him... I wish it were a bad dream I could wake up from....

Abi

Firstly can I say, that I wish I could hug you right now. Please try to grab every bit of support you can through family or friends, there is no good time for this, but Christmas is so much worse.

The best advice that I can give you right now is to keep family and friends around you, and seek legal advice as soon as you can. Is there no way of sorting this out? is marriage counselling an option?


Although you might not seem up to company at the moment, do try. And come back here with an update, please. We might be able to give some direction based on experience or help with contacts.

Take care, you and your children x

Ickle Magoo

Hey there Oscars Mum,

You are in shock, it's okay to feel absolutely lost. The trick is to break it all down into manageable bites and take things on one at a time.

If your husband is adamant counselling/reconciliation isn't an option, you should get in contact with a solicitor asap - you might be eligible to apply for legal aid at your local law centre which you can find HERE.

It might also be worth making an appointment with MABS regarding how you can manage finances and getting set up with a mediator - in order to establish where you stand in terms of the support your husband is going to give.

Lastly, but just as importantly - tell a few people you trust and care about and get the emotional support you need to pull you through this. You might choose to keep it fairly quiet until you are sure separation is the road you are heading down but you need to be able to lean on someone...it might even be worth going to counselling so you can come to terms with what is happening with someone qualified to help you through it.

All the very best.

ZENER

Support support support, now is the time to get your friends and family onside to help you through this time. There's lot's you can do but it's always best to seek advice from those qualified to give it. In my experience friends - though well meaning - will butter things to favor you and may mislead so it's essential to get qualified advice from the Citizens Advice Bureau and a solicitor. As suggested above get help in portions to deal with different issues in order of importance. Contact the district court soon to sort out a separation agreement and maintenance details. Your local HSE Clinic can help.

Separation at this time of year is particularly difficult (been there) but the way through is there if you seek help asap. Really hope things work out for you. Don't be afraid to lean on your family at this time, this is where you realise their worth.

Wishing you the best.

Ken

Oscars Mum

Thanks for the words of support, that was the toughest Christmas ever.... I am walking around in a daze.. just wondering what each day will bring and when will he say, its over I'm gone.... We've been together 20 years and I just can't imagine life without him... We have attended 2 sessions of marraige counselling with Accord and have another appointment next Thursday. My husband is willing to give this a try but I feel deep in my heart he has already made up his mind... I'm trying just to think about each day and not worry about the future yet. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my message and adding your support and comments... Will keep in touch

deelite

You are both going to counselling which is a positive step forward for both of you, well done. Try and relax and take one day at a time.