I'm shutting down

LegacyUser

I've been suffering from depression for years. I'm in my late twenties now and from about 13 I reckon. I never had the courage to tell my parents, I'm not sure if they knew as I had it well hidden.

In the past couple of years things have got much worse. I had a short time on tablets but I hate them. Mostly I'm great at keeping on top of myself but today (Stephens Day) I had a bad day. Due to my flexible working lifestyle I can get away with my 'bad days' where I stay in bed and cry. This usually sorts me out for a while and I'm much happier with that than tablets. I go to counselling and I exercise and manage diet well.

Anyways my mother seeing me have a bad day has lead to a close to attack of what am I going to do. I was trying to tell her I know what I'm doing and just need to be alone. This lead to all sorts of suggestions including therapy treatment suggestions which have me petrified. I've researched everything and discussed them with my doctor. I don't need medical advice.

I'm now sat at four in the morning unable to sleep. Petrified if I trust her with more of what's inside my head of what's going to happen. She means well but I do feel they think this is something I can shake off. In fact I googled the worst things to say to someone with depression and she had pretty much over the years said each one in a shape or form.

I know she means well and wants to help but I can't explain it to her. I'm trying but she's taking it all so personally it's a disaster. I need help with how to get her to back off, trust me with my health and to just get it. I feel very much like a child right now and my only control is to not talk about it.

looksee

'Shutting down' is not a solution. Yes, I do know what you are talking about and it can happen out of your control, temporarily. But giving in and allowing yourself to shut down is not a good idea.

It is understandable that your mother should be concerned about you, and equally understandable that you should wish to be free of her pressure. You are not going to make her understand at this stage that it isn't just a case of 'snapping out of it'.

You have a job, why are you still at home? It is past time for you to take control of your life - you are asking for her to give up her hold on your life, but you are her child and she feels responsible for you. It may be difficult to make the decision to leave, it is equally difficult for her to understand the need to back off. It is your life, you are in control of it, it is your responsibility to deal with it.

You really haven't given medication a fair chance, talk to your doctor and see if he wants to suggest a different tablet. If you refuse medication and have tried counselling there really isn't a lot more he can do.

Snapping out of it isn't an option, but nor is giving up and retreating into your head. Keep fighting. and take control of your life.

Good luck, and remember your mother cares about you, even if she does not understand.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

Im not qualified to say what exactly you need but this idea of "shutting down" certainly wont help one bit. In my experience itll make things seem worse.

Get onto your counsellor and make an appointment for the near future.

castaway_lady

I second the suggestion to go back to a counsellor, maybe specifically to deal with how to deal with your mother. Id be betting her reaction is based on recent suicide publicity.

RossFixxxed

Nobody wants to see their kid rot away with depression. Nor should you want to hide/shut down/lie in and cry. I know where you are coming from but it is 100% WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Got your attention? You need to go for professional help. Now. Keep at it and keep attending. There's so much more to life that a horrible, insidious illness is depriving you of. Get out to a professional, bring your mother or a good friend if you have to.

It is clear from your post you DON'T know what you are doing and just being left alone isn't going to help. It has been what now, 15 odd years or so? This can't go on. You are in a bad place and the illness is lying to you about what you can and need to do.

She is doing her best to help you. She's obviously very upset, there's suicides all over the TV, and she is in a powerless situation. There are lots of brilliant mental health professionals out there who do this for a living. They can help you. Take what they say onboard. Don't just say no to meds / councelling / cbt or whatever is offered. It is offered by those with far more experience than you. There are LOADS of success stories out there. Your brain is telling you you can manage it, you're fine, this stuff is all psychobabble that won't help, others have some magic quality that you don't so you'll never get better. Right? Well no, that's the illness talking, that isn't you. YOU CAN FIX THIS, but it is a big amount of effort.

You won't know yourself down the line. You'll be happier, stronger and better able to handle the **** life throws at you.

Best of luck OP, get help NOW. GO NOW, stop reading crap on the internet on sites, from me, it's all just words online, get out into the real world, to a real professional and TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK.

From my experience: I'd want someone to have kicked my door in and dragged me to a doctor if they had to back in the day. I can see that now. Not so much at the time. I can't do that online, so you need to throw that door open for me and get down the the GP NOW.

Let me blunter: **** WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS. IT CAN BE FIXED. YOU CAN BE BETTER.