Illnesses - Parents not understanding

LegacyUser

I'm 27, female and am currently living and working in England. My issue is this. I've had various health problems over the last few years. Thankfully nothing major as yet but lots and lots of different things. I don't think I've had 2 or 3 weeks go by without a GP or hospital appointment in the last 3 years. I'm constantly waiting on results, which to be honest is very stressful. As soon as one wait is over, another one for something else starts and I have to rearrange my life around all sorts of appointments. I've lost a lot of time (and hence money) from work. My issues range from abnormal smears needing colposcopies (had about 10 so far), bowel problems needing scopes and tests to joint problems (possible arthritis) and hearing issues. Quite minor things, but the issue is there are a lot of them!

My issue is that my parents, especially my mother, could not be less sympathetic. I don't even want sympathy, just understanding and a bit of compassion. They treat me like I'm a hypochrondriac, despite me having scores of real hospital appointments. I mentioned in passing that I have a colonoscopy in February and my mother rolled her eyes and said 'what now?' As if it's some sort of nuisance for HER?! I probably do mention by health issues a lot but that's because it's a huge part of my life and gets me down a lot. It's certainly not all I talk about - most of the time when I phone home, I tell them about my life/job/friends in England and listen to their news. I just think my life would be a hell of a lot easier if I got some sort of support or understanding from my parents about my health. Am I asking for too much here? Is anyone else in the same boat?

<Mod Edit: OP - I edited the title of your thread, as the title was irrelevant to the content>

username123

Just from the other side of it, my father in law has a lot of minor and not so minor health issues and there would often be times where there are lots of appointments, tests, results, consultant appointments etc...

What we tend to find is that its ok for him to talk about this stuff a lot if he is simply chatting about what he has to go and do (as part of a wider general conversation) or having a somewhat upbeat attitude but it is very difficult to listen to him obsessing on the same thing over and over and literally speaking of nothing else in a negative manner. There have been times where I have had him talk at me on one particular health issue for weeks on end.

Its all about balance. Sure, there might be a lot of appointments etc... but generally speaking people are not really that interested in the minute details of other peoples health issues, appointment by appointment. Try to imagine it like a sport you spend a lot of time doing - you wouldnt bore your parents with the tiny details of each game if they werent into it.

If you are finding it very stressful it would probably be better to talk to a professional rather than to your parents (as clearly they are not giving you emotional support) and just accept that thats how it is with them, because it will only be more stressful for you trying to change them.

best of luck, hope it all settles down.

daisybelle2008

Maybe your parents feel that getting off the subject is helpful to you. You say it is a huge part of your life and gets you down, but not everyone wants to join you on that downer. They probably think the last thing you want to be doing is talking about it. If you want to talk to someone about being sick all the time, you could invest in a therapist and discuss that and the attention you feel is lacking towards you. It could be money well spent, a lot of illness are brought on by stress, you might get to the bottom of your issues.

shinikins

You know, I'm going to throw out a different perspective. I have a sibling who has for many years had health issues. Vague, sometimes minor issues, but always a few things together. My family, although very loving, tended to laugh it off, or roll eyes and say "that's just X looking for attention, you know what they're like" Slagging accusations of hypochondria, bored sighing when health issues came into the conversation, and dismissing their concerns were normal. It wasn't until very recently, when things came to a head and a very serious, life threatening health issue was diagnosed, that my sibling was finally taken seriously. This is a person who tends to keep to themselves, has never been one for the limelight and certainly didn't obsess over it, so all this slagging off over the years was very hurtful. Until the doctor's actually came up with a real, firm diagnosis with a name that could be recognised and understood, it was "all in your head" They've learned now to not speak about their health problems, except perhaps to me, because of they way they have been treated in the past. The saddest thing is, my family didn't do this maliciously, people just get tired of hearing about all these vague maladies that seem to go on and on without end. They don't seem to trust that you may actually know that something is wrong with your own body, or perhaps it's that they place more value in the opinion of the medical profession than in yours. They don't get that it's a huge issue in your life because it is there and is with you 24/7, unless they themselves have had experience of it.

I agree with Daisybelle, a therapist would be of huge benefit to you, they are impartial, and will listen to whatever you have to say. If noting else, it will give you an outlet so you can get it out there and in the open, without having to tell your parents and receive the usual reaction from them.

a posse ad esse

I have been working in the nursing profession for quite some time and we had patients that were diagnosed with some life threatening illnesses, chronic illness and psychiatric issues. The first people we would recommend them to speak would be a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker not their families. Families are not the best equipped at handling certain news or lack thereof. Also I don't think it is fair to the families too. Maybe they say it is in your head and that you are a hypochondriac but in their minds they are probably worried sick too and don't want to admit that.

A social worker at your local hospital or a nurse you are close with are the best to speak about your concerns and fears. When there is a clear diagnosis we will be there to help guide you and how to tell your family the news if need be. Their job is to inform family members about the illness, what to expect and do. For the number of years I have worked in this profession I have come to the realisation that family are sometimes not the best people to turn to at times like these. The patient can be emotionally fragile and worried with all the tests and no diagnosis. The worse is to have to watch family members roll their eyes, make snide remarks. There were times I had to bite my tongue and step back because there were some family members I would have loved to tell to f*ck off.

I suggest what the other posters say, go speak with somebody else regarding your health concerns. When the time comes when there is a clear diagnosis then you can address your family. You will benefit talking through your concerns with a professional who will listen and not judge or dismiss your feelings. You are having a hard enough time trying to figure out what is wrong. The last thing you need is family not being supportive. It is not that they don't care, they may be scared too. You may be surprised behind all their negative comments lies their own fears and concerns for you.

I wish you well.