Not enough friends, feeling like a loser on Xmas eve

LegacyUser

Hey,
I'm feeling like a bit of a loser at the moment. I'm looking on Facebook and so many of my friends (as in, Facebook friends) are talking about their Xmas traditions, going to the pub with their mates, putting up pictures of themselves with huge groups of people that they go out with, etc.

I've got a small group of mates that I go out with most weekends, and a handful that I would meet up with irregularly for the odd pint. But these are all doing other things, gone back to where they are from for Xmas, etc. I did have a bigger group of friends, but some people have emigrated, so my pool of friends has depleted somewhat! I've also not remained friends with anyone from primary or secondary school, and I never really made friends in college

Anyway, I recognise now that I need to start doing some activities and participating in things to get some new mates! It feels a bit sad at this stage (I'm 25 - and single BTW), as I feel like I should know more people than I do. I wasted college really, as I stayed with the handful of friends that I had, and didn't make any effort beyond that. I wasn't all that happy or confident then, but I'm much more sociable and happy now.

Any advice or thoughts in general to make me feel a bit better this Xmas? Things aren't all bad, I have a good family, and I know that I do have some good friends - I just need more!!!

Thanks

LegacyUser

I'm ten years older than you and looking forward to a booze free Christmas eve on my own watching a DVD.

I spent a few nights in town recently with some good old friends and I'll be out with friends in a few days.

I don't know huge groups of people and from what I see, those relationships are a bit show-offy..... let's all go out and talk "****e", get pissed up and then post on facebook all night about how great a time we're having and how pissed we are. I don't think you're missing out on much there.

Christmas eve for me is normally heading to the pub with a small group of friends but they're all with their families this Christmas.

People always say "join a club"... and you know, that is great advice. If you have a hobby or looking to get into one it really is a great way to make friends and broaden your social circle.

I have no college friends but over the last 10 years I have made some great friends, acquaintances and they have all been through hobbies and interests.

Passenger

billywithoutfriends wrote: »

I'm looking on Facebook

Hi OP, that's probably the crux of your problem. People's lives appear so much more interesting on social networking sites because that's what they choose to project to their friends. That's what they want you to see. There was a study recently (you can Google it ) which suggested that Facebook was linked to depression because people log in and see how their friends are doing so much interesting stuff. Bottom line, don't take what your friends post up on Facebook as what their lives are actually like. If you spent a day with them you might be surprised.

billywithoutfriends wrote: »

Any advice or thoughts in general to make me feel a bit better this Xmas? Things aren't all bad, I have a good family, and I know that I do have some good friends - I just need more!!!

Thanks

As for meeting new people, why not go out on your todd and have a pint in your local, strike up a conversation with a stranger. What are your interests? Identify what pursuits you might enjoy and go where people engage in these interests, you'll immediately have something in common. Maybe invite some of your buddies along with you.

Hope some of that helps.

Cerulean Chicken

I think all these type of threads full of self pity are so silly. Who cares if it's worked out that way that you have no friends to spend Christmas Eve with? Neither do I, but I am logical enough to realise this doesn't mean I have no friends, it's just the way it works out.

There's no point dwelling on it and feeling worse and comparing yourself to people on facebook, maybe some of them hate their families and do anything to leave the house over Christmas, maybe some of them are out tonight because they will have nobody to go out with Stephen's night or New Years, or maybe they're working and tonight's the only night off, who knows? You never know what else is happening in someone's life on facebook so comparing yourself at one exact moment to others is redundant.

Get off facebook, do something you enjoy this evening - for me it's eating nibbles and watching comedy in front of the fire with my mum - and just relax, it's quality not quantity that counts with friends.

Lorna123

you have any friends at all consider yourself lucky. I have about 2/3 and thats about it. There is nothing lacking in that you have friends you meet up with every week. What more do you want? You have it made !.:D

woodchuck

Simple solution = log off facebook! I know that's an oversimplification, but facebook really is the crux of the problem here. You said yourself you HAVE friends and family. Just because you're not down the local pub on Christmas eve doesn't mean you don't have a fulfilling life. If you really want to widen your social circle though there are always clubs etc you can join. You could maybe ask one of your friends to take up a hobby together in the new year and you might meet more people together to hang out with?

Btw I actually always find it a bit sad when people post pictures of themselves on facebook while they're actually on a night out... I mean it can't be that interesting a night if they've nothing better to do than post pictures of themselves on facebook while they're there

@rti-shm@rti

woodchuck wrote: »

Simple solution = log off facebook! I know that's an oversimplification, but facebook really is the crux of the problem here. You said yourself you HAVE friends and family. Just because you're not down the local pub on Christmas eve doesn't mean you don't have a fulfilling life. If you really want to widen your social circle though there are always clubs etc you can join. You could maybe ask one of your friends to take up a hobby together in the new year and you might meet more people together to hang out with?

Btw I actually always find it a bit sad when people post pictures of themselves on facebook while they're actually on a night out... I mean it can't be that interesting a night if they've nothing better to do than post pictures of themselves on facebook while they're there

+1 to this. I honestly find it so boring on a night out when friends are constantly heralding you into lines to take photos to put up on FB to show everyone what a fantastic time you are all having. One particular group would spend ages each night posing for one 'profiler' after another. Needless to say I don't go out with them much any more.

Don't worry what people are doing on FB. Are you happy with your group of friends and your life as it is? It sounds like you've plenty going on, don't let what you perceive to be a 'better time' make you feel bad about yourself.

Stavro Mueller

Some of what people post on Facebook should be taken with a grain of salt. Because people have control over what they post on their walls, you're getting to view their lives the way they want you to see it. It's a manufactured reality. You're only going to hear about the exciting parts of people's lives, or at least the parts they think are exciting. My guess is that the ones who are out in large groups will be more likely to stick up happy smiley photos of themselves than the ones who go out with a handful of friends. Or who like a quieter life and don't enjoy getting rat-ar$ed every weekend. Bear in mind too that not everyone in these groups are best buddies either. For some people, socialising in these groups can be a very lonely place indeed because they're only there for social convenience.

By the looks of things, you're not in a bad place at all. You still have friends around and you still can go out. There are lonely people out there right now who would dearly to have a good friend or two to be able to meet up with for a cup of coffee or a few drinks. Going out with a handful of friends may not be sexy enough to put up on Facebook but I bet it's a hell of a lot more fun.

I guess if you're feeling a bit lonely, looking at Facebook is like rubbing salt into the wounds. I wonder if you were't feeling this way last night, would it have bothered you as much? There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a quiet night in or avoiding the pub on Stephen's night. You should do what you want, not what other people think is the thing to do. Be confident in what you are and stuff the rest of them

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Nyree

I think Christmas Eve should be spent with family anyway. I'm in my late 30s, single, no boyfriend and only a couple of friends and for as long as I can remember on Christmas Eve, I've gone to mass, then went around to a neighbour's house and spent a quiet evening with a friend, just having a glass of wine, a mince pie and a chat. Then at midnight we all clink glasses, hug and put the baby Jesus in the crib. To some people, they would think this is sad and I never get out. But I'm happy and they're not living my life ! Just because you don't go out every Christmas Eve and find yourself on the floor wasted in some nightclub at midnight, doesn't mean you don't have a nice Christmas Eve. I think the people who end up wasted in some late night bar have had a crap Christmas Eve, I would hate to spend Christmas Eve doing that. (I would hate to spend any night of the year doing that). What annoys me is that when all these socialites get married, they immediately lose all interest in nightclubs, drinking, getting wasted and spending hours on Facebook - it's amazing, isn't it ? It's like they just do it because they think they should, or to impress people or to pick up a partner - and they don't even enjoy it. They are superficial phonies. Be yourself, enjoy what you enjoy and don't feel pressurised into doing stuff to make your life appear more exciting.

dd972

Think it's time we eradicated the word ''Loser'' from our collective vocabulary, it's a product of the hateful, capitalist mindset.