I'm in love.. With my ex?

LegacyUser

Okay, I'll try to keep this short.

I'm 25, and I've been seeing my current partner now for four years. He is absolutely brilliant and I couldn't ask for a better, better half. Here's the thing; I'm in love with an ex of mine.

This ex and I went out when we were both 17 for two years, but in the end we split as he felt he was too young to be in a serious relationship. I was absolutely heartbroken. Since the very day I met him, I just knew that I'd always want him. Anyhows, fast forward two years, and I met my current boyfriend. He is absolutely amazing and treats me really well, and I do love him dearly, it's just that this ex has always been on my mind. We're still in contact, but it'd be very little. He hasn't seen anyone else since we broke up six years ago.

Recently, I've been thinking 'what if I'm making a huge mistake?' What if, I never told this ex that I still feel the exact same way as I did, when I was 17? What if I stay with my current boyfriend, and then regret not telling this ex how I feel? I know my ex could say he doesn't feel the same, but I just keep thinking even if he didn't, I'd feel a lot better that I got it off my chest.

I know I'm really not being fair to my boyfriend atm, I honestly don't want to hurt him, but this ex, I've just known from day 1 it was him. When we did break up, he did say he would love me still and that we couldn't have much contact, which we haven't.

This is probably all stupid, maybe I'm being naive, but I just keep feeling that if I don't tell this ex how I feel, I'll always regret it.


Help

P. Breathnach

The first thing to do is break up with your current boyfriend. You don't really love him; you "love him dearly", which is not at all the same thing. You paint a picture of a really nice person who treats you well, and who you feel is deserving of your love - but love is more than an expression of gratitude for being nice.

The second thing - after breaking up - is to tell your ex straight out that you are still in love with him. He is still available; you can make yourself available.

Then you can ride off into the sunset together.

CaraMay

Yeah set your partner free to meet someone who loves them - its the fairest thing to do.

Lorna123

When you split up with your ex did he break up with you? If the answer is yes then I would not be in favour of telling him that you are still in love with him. No way. I just think that you might regret it if he says that he doesn't feel the same. You could contact him and ask him to go for a drink for old time's sake and to catch up, and if he agrees you will know by him whether he likes you now or not. If he doesn't want to meet up with you then say nothing. I would not pour my heart out to him anyway unless I could determine how he feels first and see if there is any chance with him.

Okay so he told you that he was too young for a serious relationship but that could have just been an excuse. If he really loved you at the time he would not have split up with you.

If you are thinking like this about your ex then you are not in love with your current partner. If you were you would be looking back at your ex and thinking "glad I didn't stay with him because I would never have met my current b/f who means more to me".

Mr. Incognito

What awful advice.

Grass is always greener syndrome.

This guy is NOTHING like he was when you were 17.

You could break a good guys heart and ruin a great relationship and then get back with your ex and find it is a disaster.

Your call but I would grow up and make the current work, which it will if you put petty distractions out of your mind and make a conscious effort to commit to the current, which is what he deserves

Neyite

Mr. Incognito has a very good point: Both of you are very different people from your 17 year old selves, and you cannot say for certain that while the chemistry will still be there between you, that you would actually get on well with each other - you may have very different views on lots and lots of things that mean you fight like a bag of cats.

But I agree with P. Breathnach too- while you have strong feelings for one man, its not fair to keep another one "on ice". Would you like it if he had an ex that was "The One" and he settled for you as second best? Do the decent thing and let this guy go, and deal with your feelings for your ex one way or another.

Right now you have this "what if..." going on with the ex. I would say explore it and find out once and for all if it could work between you or not. Either way you need to deal with it.

Fysh

I'm inclined to agree with Mr. Incognito - the fact that in your teens you had a really good 2 years with your ex doesn't mean you'll get anything like that if you go back to him now.

You're both different people now, and convincing yourself that your ex is The One is silly when the reality is more like He's One Possibility (Of Many).

You need to think long and hard about why you got together with your current OH, whether you think it has any future and what you'll do if you pursue your ex only to discover he's moved on and isn't interested.