Male friend dodged skype call

LegacyUser

Just looking for some solid advice as Im a little mixed up at the moment...

Am female, early 30s. I was supposed to have a skype call from a male friend of mine, bout an hour ago, and he simply didnt show up.

We are friends, but my disappointment is overwhelming, and its confusing me now, because I think I have feelings for him-he doesnt know how I feel. If I hear from him (I havent contacted him to see whats happened-dont want to look desperado and also I was annoyed and didnt want to write anything while am annoyed), I dont know what to say! Or why am feeling like this. Its now brought to the foreground that I have feelings for him (otherwise why would I be so dissapointed?). Am almost embarassed of the situation/to have feelings.

Why do yuckie situations like this always happen :-(

looksee

Maybe his computer packed up. Maybe his internet failed. Maybe his bus was late. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he didn't realise it was an absolutely definite arrangement. Maybe he is careless and thoughtless and you are well warned!

Honestly you cannot put too much weight on this one event - or lack of it. You are friends, you could easily contact him and say 'hey, I thought you were going to skype me?' which you might well do if it were a girlfriend who had missed contacting you.

He doesn't know you fancy him, what harm in giving him a shout? It won't make you look desperate, but if you don't have anything particular to talk about all you can say is that you hung about because he had said he would call.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. I have a male friend abroad who I definitely had feelings for at one stage. We'd skype and email like clockwork on a regular basis and we'd both come online around the same time in the evenings. Then he started going "missing". This turned out to be because he'd met someone but I didn't know this at the time. Before I know what was going on, I was desperately hurt by his absences and started reading far too much into them. Of course he had no idea he was wounding me so much because he didn't know how I felt about him. Now that I'm over him, I think about how over the top my reaction to him not being there was. I thought he was avoiding me which I now know was ridiculous because he does make an effort to stay in touch even when things are hectic in his life. If I don't hear from him now, I know he'll be back in a day or two and I'm fine with that.

You don't know yet why your friend didn't show up but I doubt it's because he dodged the call. Have you thought that it might be a technical problem, that he forgot or that some friends called around to his place? if you are feeling anxious, I don't see anything wrong with sending him a text.

And finally, if you have feelings for him, don't do like what I did and sit idly by. A part of me regrets being too cowardly to lay my cards on the table with my friend while he was single. I've had to come to terms with him getting into a serious relationship with someone else and learning to see him as just a friend.

dellas1979

What age is he.

LegacyUser

Thanks for rationalising it for me-feel useless in these situations.

I sent him a casual message on fb to the effect of "hey thought we were skypin and hope alls well?" but I dont think hes been online.

I kindof think my feelings for him, based on my reaction, are stronger than I thought. I dont want to have feelings for him. I just want to have friendly feelings. Am worried hes picked up that I like him, and has backed off. So, maybe I need to cut him off. Even if alls ok and it was a mix up or whatever, I dont think I can continue doing this...but how to explain stopping contact without letting the so called cat out of the proverbial bag...

borabora

Why would you do that? It's not fair on him first of all, he's done nothing but be a friend to you. Pull back a little if you want, it sounds like your relationship is intense enough for being just friends. How could he know you like him if you didn't know yourself??

You've sent him a casual message now, see how he responds and take your cues from there. Next time you see him in person try a little flirting and closely watch his reactions, you should have a better idea of where you are from doing that. If the signals are good, go for it! I'd guess from my experience that the chances are in your favour that he'd give it a go...

LegacyUser

Well, I known now hes seen the message, but didnt bother to reply. So it looks like now Ive no choice but to pull back. We live in different countries.

Am saying I need to pull back because Im trying to look after myself. Yes, my feelings seem to be pretty strong. The only way to pull back, I think, is to stop contact (or well he seems to be doing that anyways).

I hate when people do this and give no explanation. So, have to deal with this on my own now and will probably never know.

Lorna123

He could be dying with a cold and not feel like going on Skpe. I bet you will hear from him before Christmas Day. He could have been busy, out celebrating Christmas and intends to contact you later. Chill out.

cantdecide

OP, if you get a genuine response and it turns out it was all easily explained and all is well, please take the opportunity to somehow declare your feelings at some stage. Don't be afraid to grab the bull by the horns and confirm whether it could ever happen or not. If not, you can heal and move on and who knows, maybe a great friendship could turn into a great love story.

LegacyUser

Well, my heart is genuinely broken. Yes, I did what every girl should not do and tried to contact him, and no reply. No reason. No nothing. Nothing horrible, just a "Im worried about you-whats going on". I am genuinely worried. But Ive made a big enough fool of myself now.

So, now Im embarassed that I contacted him! Am obviously not even worth replying to. He has just cut me off. No explanation. Am going between embarassed, sadness, and madness right now. What a way to finish a great year. And he was part of what made it so great. Feel so let down and disappointed now. Its amazing how one day can turn everything.

I'm trying to remember that Ive done nothing wrong. At least I dont think I have.

Stavro Mueller

Don't beat yourself up. What's wrong with asking if everything's alright? Sometimes if I don't contact a friend for a while - I genuinely can forget at times - I'll get a text asking if everything's alright. It's a perfectly normal question for a friend to ask so don't be embarrassed by that. You did nothing wrong.

Are you sure he has cut you off or is ignoring you? There might be a very genuine reason why he has not been in contact. On the other hand, if you're seeing him active on Facebook or Twitter, you have your answer.

If you don't mind me saying, you are coming across as very intense here. Maybe it is for the best that you've been cut off because way too much of your happiness has been dependent on this guy. From your friend's point of view, it can be very awkward to be the object of someone's crush if you don't fancy them back. People don't always handle the letting the other person down bit very well.

Lorna123

People can be very busy at this time of the year, with parties, celebrations, etc. so this guy could be out every night and has no idea that missing a skype call with you is a biggie. What it does say though is that he is not as into you as you are into him. Sorry, but at least you now have that much information to go on.

Based on this I would not be pouring my heart out to him. Just leave it now and don't contact him anymore. The ball is now in his court. I think myself that you can forget about him as a potential b/f and while this might be disappointing for you as you had high hopes at least you now know where you stand and that can be empowering in itself.

Get out there over Christmas OP and have a ball. Who knows what 2013 will bring.

Happy Christmas.

Stavro Mueller

Just to add, unless you were planning to tell him how you felt or felt you were in with a chance with him, this situation was always going to end in heartbreak anyway. If he doesn't feel the same way about you, which is one way you could interpret his disappearance, then you've got your answer. Your feelings for this guy appear to be so intense that you'd find it very hard to be just friends with him. Or worse still, listen to him talking about his new girlfriend if he meets one. Sorry

daisybelle2008

OP, I agree with the poster who says you come across very intense. Maybe take some time off contact with this guy, it seems to be pushing you into a bit of an unhealthy obsession. For now he is just a friend and nothing he has done is that bad, he is perfectly entitled to not fancy you. Persecuting yourself and overdramatising very innocuous behaviour is not good for your self esteem. Move on.

LegacyUser

Yes-actions speak louder than words...so, now I have to forget him. Its just really hurts right now-I never did get an opportunity to express my feelings-they are all coming up now that he is gone. Nowhere to put them. Its like an eruption. Yes, Ive probably had feelings for him for a while, but wouldnt acknowledge them. Ive said my piece now, so no more contacting. I swear, I know this sounds dramatic, but I will never have feelings for anyone again. And people wonder why so many women are emotionally closed off.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, unless there is something huge that you are not telling us, then I really don't understand your reaction.

2 days... That's all it's been and you are cutting all contact and talking of never having feelings for anyone again.

You didn't even know you had these feelings until you had, what is effectively, a missed call to this fella.

I would often miss calls, and often am in the middle of something when I get texts. My friend laughs at me now and only sends the 'are you still alive' text if she hasn't heard from me in about 3 or 4 weeks.

He has no clue all this is going on. You *are* coming across as quite intense. I'm guessing this intensity is not something that just appeared in the last 2 days? You have made up a whole scenario here, that might not be the case at all. But I think you are right to back off a little. Maybe, without realising it, you have actually pushed this lad away.

LegacyUser

Jees I feel so bad now. I feel so in the wrong now, unintentionally, and terribly upset. And coming across all wrong (Ive been so laid back about this and all of a sudden its panic stations) - What have I done? I panicked. Pure and simple. I panicked. I didnt say anything catty or crappy to him, but I know something is up! It is very unusual for him to miss that call. Very unusual to not hear from him for over 3 days at this stage. I was worried. Worried turned into frustration.

We laughed and chatted away on our last call. Like really having fun, both in stitches, but I didnt hear from him during the week. Which I thought was a little odd, as we normally banter away, but I didnt cop until he missed the call.