Am I right to be annoyed?

LegacyUser

I got a job offer last week and wanted to share the good news with my friends first.Given the season that's in it,I told them by way of Christmas cards.

The cards were received on Monday, as one of my friends sent me a text congratulating me as soon as he got it.But I haven't heard a thing from the rest.No card,no call, no text.

I put up the news on Facebook last night to let others know.The friends I sent a card to saw it and 'liked' the status.But,to be honest,I'm pretty fed up that they made no effort beyond that.I know that if I had got a card from a good friend with good news,I'd get on to them on the phone to say congrats.I know it's Christmas,and people can be pretty busy,but it surely doesn't take that long to write a text,does it?

So,I guess my question is,am I overreacting?Should I say anything the next time I see them?Or just bite my tongue?

looksee

I think you are over-reacting a bit. No doubt when you see them they will be full of enthusiasm. I know I barely look at Christmas cards, even the bit of news that is in some of them (and I do the same) gets put on the back burner till after Christmas. Several came over the last few days and I only opened them this morning.

If you are talking to any of them personally or by phone say 'Im so pleased about the new job' just to remind them, and then you should get the response - and yes, it is nice for people to share your happiness, but I think it just got lost in the Christmas kerfuffle.

LegacyUser

Think it's a bit of an over reaction OP - like Looksee I just glance at cards when they come in to check who they are from. I sent alot of cards out this year with some big news for myself in them and got one email and a couple of facebook messages on it but that was it. Honestly not that bothered by it, if I wanted to make a big deal out of it I would have kept it separate from general xmas greetings.

Lorna123

I think you are over reacting too, because most people I know are so wrapped in in themselves that they couldn't care less what is happening to me. I am delighted that you got the offer of a job, that's great news and even though I don't know you I am thrilled for you. It doesn't matter what your friends think, you have the inner satisfaction that you got this job. Say nothing to them, because your good luck means nothing to them. Don't let their attitude spoil your joy OP, you got a job and honest to God that is great news.

Roisy7

Perhaps they are replying in kind and you haven't got the cards yet?! My friend in Oz sent me a card on Dec 7 and I only got it today! Depending on where you are in Ireland it can take a few days!

And everyone's really busy at this time of year. Don't take it too much to heart.

And congrats on the job!

judgefudge

Congrats on the job! Are these close friends?

To be honest I'd say you're overreacting a bit. Unless it was my best friend I wouldn't be expecting all my mates to ring me up and congratulate me on a job offer, a baby/marriage maybe, but not really a job offer. I'm sure when you meet them or talk to them they may mention it then and I'd say that's all you should really expect.

It's just my opinion though.

LegacyUser

I don't get why you told them in a christmas card?
As you say yourself it doesn't take long to send a text or make a call, and if they are such good friends then why didn't you just call or text them for a chat to tell them your news, instead of posting out the info in a card that is meant to be just wishing them and/or their families a happy season?(Bearing in mind they may have a mountain of cards to read through)

Just seems a bit odd to me, I don't see how a new job is christmas card related when a quick call to them from you would have probably got the reaction from them that you want ie. congratulations etc.
They are probably very busy at this time of year, and I'm sure they will congratulate you properly when they actually see you, they have already made a small effort by "liking" your thingy.

I'm sure they are very happy for you but you have to remember that just because this is major important news to you, doesn't mean it is going to be as important to them.
They have their own lives to deal with, (maybe some are even worried about their own employment status?) and whilst I'm sure they are delighted for you, they will probably just tell you when they get a chance to chat to you properly.

So yes, I think you are overreacting a little bit.

LegacyUser

OP here.Thanks for the replies.I guess I am overreacting a bit,and I've calmed down now about the whole thing.

I should point out that I'm a graduate,and my friends and I are all in our early 20's.They wouldn't be receiving lots of cards,as it's not really the done thing in our age group.That's why I opted to send one,to be a little different.And I thought it would be a bit more personal.

Thinking about it now,I think the reason I was annoyed was because I've lost touch with these friends since I've moved home from college and I thought this would be a good way to get back in touch and spark up a conversation.I guess that's why I was upset they didn't get back to me.By the same token,I don't know when I'll see them again,so that makes me a bit sad too.

But,I'll live.I have more important things to be worrying about now than acknowledgement of a card! Thanks for the advice.

Stench Blossoms

I know this is probably a 'typical Irish begrudgery' thing to say but if I got a xmass card with 'I got a job' wrote on it, and if I was a graduate and possibly didn't have a job I'd be thinking 'smug git'.

ABajaninCork

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

I know this is probably a 'typical Irish begrudgery' thing to say but if I got a xmass card with 'I got a job' wrote on it, and if I was a graduate and possibly didn't have a job I'd be thinking 'smug git'.

Yup. It is. Why can't people just be happy for others if they get good news? Begrudgery is unattractive.

Roisy7

Annoyedatfriends wrote: »

OP here.Thanks for the replies.I guess I am overreacting a bit,and I've calmed down now about the whole thing.

I should point out that I'm a graduate,and my friends and I are all in our early 20's.They wouldn't be receiving lots of cards,as it's not really the done thing in our age group.That's why I opted to send one,to be a little different.And I thought it would be a bit more personal.

Thinking about it now,I think the reason I was annoyed was because I've lost touch with these friends since I've moved home from college and I thought this would be a good way to get back in touch and spark up a conversation.I guess that's why I was upset they didn't get back to me.By the same token,I don't know when I'll see them again,so that makes me a bit sad too.

But,I'll live.I have more important things to be worrying about now than acknowledgement of a card! Thanks for the advice.

Tbh op maybe with one or two of them it is a bit of green-eyed monster especially as things aren't easy for most grads ATM.

Also depending on how you worded it it MAY have come off as you were bragging? I'm thinking something like "Merry Christmas. I got a job!"

if you asked them about themselves of course it's a different story.

And like you say in the mid-20s bracket cards aren't really done. Most if my friends will have cards for me with presents rather than post, others will text or fb. Myself and one of my friends tried posting letters earlier this year and by the time the post arrived we'd already chatted on fb so the letter was out of date!

So don't sweat it. It's easy to lose contact with people from college, far easier than with school friends I think. And if these friends don't want to share in your good times, leave them go.

Merry Christmas op

ViveLaVie

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Yup. It is. Why can't people just be happy for others if they get good news? Begrudgery is unattractive.

Congrats on the new job OP!

Unfortunately, we are in a climate where young people are struggling to find work and many have to emigrate to do so. In this context, it might have come off as boasting, which is just as unattractive as begrudgery.

I'm not suggesting you are boasting or that your friends are jealous but you have to understand putting news like that in a Christmas card, the main purpose of which is to wish happiness and peace to others, could be read as you being smug and boastful. Again, I'm not saying that was your intention but perhaps it was perceived like that - especially around Christmas, a time when unemployment and financial issues are felt even more keenly.

As a side note, I myself and many others I know find putting up statuses like that on facebook can read in a similar vein. It comes across a bit like ''look how successful and amazing I am, I'm shouting it from the hilltops!! ''. I just wouldn't be a fan of delivering news like that through facebook - anyone who is close to you will find out through other means and they are the only people who need to know really.

Why not drop them a text now and see what the story is?

All the same, well done OP and I hope it all goes well for you!

R.D. aka MR.D

I didn't reply to your post before because I assumed you were a good bit older but you're actually younger.

If one of my friends sent me a card saying they got their dream job I would probably say to myself 'oh thats nice'.

As some one said, it's not like a baby or a wedding where you would text.

The facebook thing is probably, as others have said, it looks like boasting.

If you haven't seen these people in a while, maybe there is a reason for that.

I've graduated now more than 4 years and I barely communicate with my old college friends. you need to realise that life moves on. Don't be worrying about trying to maintain friendships if the other people aren't making any effort.

LegacyUser

Annoyedatfriends wrote: »

OP here.Thanks for the replies.I guess I am overreacting a bit,and I've calmed down now about the whole thing.

I should point out that I'm a graduate,and my friends and I are all in our early 20's.They wouldn't be receiving lots of cards,as it's not really the done thing in our age group.That's why I opted to send one,to be a little different.And I thought it would be a bit more personal.

Thinking about it now,I think the reason I was annoyed was because I've lost touch with these friends since I've moved home from college and I thought this would be a good way to get back in touch and spark up a conversation.I guess that's why I was upset they didn't get back to me.By the same token,I don't know when I'll see them again,so that makes me a bit sad too.

But,I'll live.I have more important things to be worrying about now than acknowledgement of a card! Thanks for the advice.

Now that you have put a bit more detail in, I can understand a bit more where you are coming from. At first I thought they were friends you saw regularly, but now I can see that your post was less about being annoyed about the card thing, and more about feeling a bit lonely about your college friends.

I don't believe you were bragging at all, I think it was just perhaps a (misguided) attempt at rekindling a conversation/friendship with some people you may not have called or texted in awhile?

It may have been taken up wrong by some of them, although due to the fact that they did sort of reply by liking your announcement and one of them did text you congratulations, I still maintain that they more than likely ARE happy for you and will congratulate you when they meet you.

Sometimes people do grow apart as their lives move on, but it doesn't mean that these people have suddenly taken a disliking to you, they may just be busy with their own lives.
If you would like to rekindle some sort of friendship you could ring them and suggest meeting up for christmas eve drinks, or to spend new years together. You can mention your job of course but maybe don't make it the focus of conversation, but you could make just getting back in touch the focus of the conversation, and ask them how they are doing too. (Again I believe that you never intended to come across as bragging, you come across as a nice person who is just feeling a bit upset about fading friendships)

See how they respond to your offer, and of course don't chase after anyone. I am sure you will make lots more friends if it is a case that these old ones have moved on
(or as I already mentioned it may just be a case of them being preoccupied but still actually being your friends) :-)

LegacyUser

All these friends have good jobs in their own right,so I never thought for a second that telling them about mine would come across as bragging or rubbing their faces in it!:(All the cards wished them a happy Christmas,then as an aside I mentioned the job.I said I was really happy to be back in the same city as them and that I would like to meet up with them to celebrate the fact.

With the Facebook thing,fair enough, that wasn't a bright move.I hadn't planned on putting it up for the reasons you mention, namely bragging.But when my friends didn't respond and I saw others talking about getting jobs in the same few days,I got fed up and decided to throw it up there.

But anyway.I've had enough of trying to get in touch with them and not really getting anywhere,it's not doing my confidence any good. I'll just put my efforts into making new friends instead.

Lorna123

Don't take it to heart OP. I have been there too. That is the way of the world. We all lose touch with school friends and old friends. I have lost touch with a lot of people over the years and none of my friends are even interested in a school reunion that I was hoping to organize. Some of my friends on facebook don't even bother to reply to private messages. I used to take it to heart but now I just shrug my shoulders and say "it is their loss".:D .......and for the record, congratulations on the new job, you did well !.

Chucky the tree

Honestly have no idea how you'd think a Christmas card is a good way to spark up a conversation, it's the worst way possible(barring maybe a carrier pigeon). Problem is your friends might have thought you didn't actually want to meet up or have conversation and that's the reason you send them cards.

OP, I genuinely think you are overreacting a tad. With regards to Christmas cards, we are somewhat predisposed to getting them, giving a quick glance, and then hanging them up. Especially since, on Christmas cards, there isn't much room so the message was likely to be-
"Happy Christmas.
Hope you are well. I have a job".

Had you put it in a letter as opposed to a card, chances are that they would have read it and made more of an effort, but that is neither here nor there.

As with regards to Facebook- I personally barely check people's statuses and even less at my own newsfeed. There's many times friends of mine have been annoyed at me for missing news they put up, or not having seen photos or whatever else. So there's a chance that your friends are like me.

If it really mattered to you about your friends showing an interest, then surely a phone call or a text would have elicited a much more immediate response.

Having said all that - does it really matter? You got a job. Be happy with yourself, without needing recognition from others.

LegacyUser

My family have used Christmas cards in the past as a way of telling friends about family news.That's why I did the same.Anyway,it doesn't matter now.I just want to put the whole thing behind me and stop it tainting the happiness from the job offer any more.If one of the mods could close this when they get a chance,I'd appreciate it.