Wondering what to do?

LegacyUser

I'm not really sure how exactly to put this so i might aswell come straight out with it- last night in Dunnes my girlfriend punched me in the stomach quite hard.

The back story is as follows:

We have been looking to get a real christmas tree but had no luck unfortunately, i was driving around to the different sellers last night for around an hour but there were none left. When i got home i said that perhaps we should go to woodies and have a look and if all comes to all we could get a fake tree just for this time, she agreed. However there was nothing worth the money in woodies, so we moved to dunnes to try and buy some lights, but there were none available. we looked at the trees but she didn't like any of them so i said to her "look, we will find something we can settle on" and her response was to beckon me with her finger while saying come here and punching me straight in the gut. She did apologise and her explanation is that a real tree is very important to her, but having bore witness to many similiar situations in family member households through the years i know that in some cases apologies are just hollow words, and also that explanation is hardly in any way shape or form justifiable. From talking to a very good friend of mine at work today his opinion is that she was in complete control of her actions and that it is extremely unhealthy to be involved in something like that, and he added that if it was the other way around i'd probably be locked up.

This got me thinking to all the other little things like how sometimes if i'm not up for "it" she will get up out of bed and go downstairs slamming doors and basically throwing a tantrum, and how she can be very hostile at times towards me if things don't go her way. I often feel like i can't do anything that would be deemed like time to myself like have a game on the pc or xbox.

Now in my mind, going on the advice of my friend, there is really only one course of action here, our rental agreement and all the bills are in my name, and there are no real ties to anything here except me. But i don't want to be hasty so my question is, am i jumping the gun somewhat in my thinking or is it fairly par for the course that once it happens once it can happen again and nobody deserves that?

kieran26

Nobody deserves a punch in the stomach. You are right if the shoe was on the other foot you would have probably have been arrested. she seems to have anger issues. Break up with her immeadiatly. things will only get worse

HelloGiggles

Sounds to me like she has a serious problem that can't be put down to a bit of insecurity or low self-confidence.

When I read " beckon me with her finger" I was shocked by the how rude that was but then to punch you in the stomach is extremely serious.

People always say "If that were the other way around ".. It's the same either way. She hit you for absolutely nothing.

No one deserves that. Get rid of her and don't look back!

R.D. aka MR.D

You deserve better than this.

She had no right to treat you like that.

cantdecide

OP, I actually went red in the face reading your post. No one but one should lay a hand on you, least of all someone who is supposed to love you.

If it were me, I'd tell her that this was a watershed moment and as far as I'm concerned, she's on notice; another hint of aggression or hostility should be followed with her immediate departure from your house and your life.

If she needs to help, she should seek it but she should, under no circumstances visit her frustrations on you, or anyone else for that matter.

Stavro Mueller

It has been found that bullying/domestic violence escalates over time and that is what has happened here. This wallop to the stomach is just a step up from the other things you've described. Really, you just have two choices here

1. Your girlfriend admits she has a problem and gets help. With the knowledge that if she doesn't change her tune, you're gone.
2. You walk.

What she did was utterly unacceptable and very spiteful. We all can be a bit ratty with our partners at times which is par for the course but what she did was on another level entirely.

It does look though like there are other issues going on here. As shocking as the incident you described is, I also find it worrying that you don't feel you can play your computer games or the XBox. It's like these things have been creeping up on you and it has taken this assault on you to make you have second thoughts about what's going on.

My own advice to you would be to get out of there as soon as possible. She doesn't sound like a nice person at all and you're better off on your own for a while than living with someone who's as volatile as this. There are lots of nice girls out there who'd never dream of laying a finger on their OHs or behaving like this.

movingsucks

She has issues. If that's what she would do in public I hate to think of what she could do in private. And all over a bloody Christmas tree of all things!!
Break up with her and tell her why. And don't look back. She might berate you for being soft or say she was only playing, play the victim being dumped before Christmas etc but shut it out. Don't listen. Cut her off.
In a perfect world she will realise the error of her ways, get help, deal with her problems and never treat her next boyfriend this way but you will be better off out of it. Do you really want to be afraid of when that next punch could come?
I don't believe that because someone hits once they'll do it again, male or female, BUT I think you are much better off not having that hanging over you especially with the other problems you've mentioned.
It is up to her to fix her behaviour and she can start fresh with someone else and you'll be free for someone who deserves you.
Getting shot of her will be the best gift you ever give yourself.

Roisy7

I was absolutely gobsmacked reading your post. The premeditation of her actions is appalling. Yes we all get stressed at times especially at Christmas but to punch someone in the stomach because she left it too late to get a real tree?!! That's insane.

Echoing all the other posters. You deserve better than this. I think you should end this before it gets worse.

P. Breathnach

movingsucks wrote: »

... Break up with her and tell her why....

I think it is important to tell her why; she might - just might - realise that she has a problem, and try to deal with it. You might save somebody else from experiencing what you have been subjected to.

Esoteric_

To add to all of the posters saying break up with her - I wholeheartedly agree.

This is a typical abusive relationship, and it's now escalated to violence. It won't get better from there, it will get worse. She thinks she's gotten away with how she abused you, so she has no reason to change.

Dump her, and don't look back.

On a side note - I'd seriously advise going to the police and getting CCTV from Dunnes. If a man did this to a woman, we'd be telling her to go to the police, so same advice goes for you. This woman assaulted you and should be punished.

Ickle Magoo

Run for the hills OP.

Domestic violence is renowned for escalating and it isn't going to take much to go down that very ugly road if she is prepared to gut punch you in public over an x-mas tree.

I wouldn't even be giving second chances, the way you describe living on egg-shells and being unable to live/do as you'd prefer for fear of her shows how damaging to your self-esteem this relationship has already been.

All the best OP.

LegacyUser

Hi guys OP here, firstly thank you all for your words of encouragement, as it stands she has packed up and left as of today. While it was upsetting for everyone involved it was definitely the right thing to do.

HelloGiggles

sicktothestomach wrote: »

Hi guys OP here, firstly thank you all for your words of encouragement, as it stands she has packed up and left as of today. While it was upsetting for everyone involved it was definitely the right thing to do.

Fair play to you. You won't regret it. You're better off!

dixiefly

sicktothestomach wrote: »

Hi guys OP here, firstly thank you all for your words of encouragement, as it stands she has packed up and left as of today. While it was upsetting for everyone involved it was definitely the right thing to do.

Well done, as another poster said, I hope that you made it clear to her the effect her actions had on you.

Abi

sicktothestomach wrote: »

Hi guys OP here, firstly thank you all for your words of encouragement, as it stands she has packed up and left as of today. While it was upsetting for everyone involved it was definitely the right thing to do.

Well done, and keep it that way. People like that come out with the 'Im sorry, you know I love you's and 'I promise I'll never do that again's, DO NOT BUY IT. You're well rid of her, make yourself uncontactable to her.

Beckoning you with her finger to punch you?! the girl is a violent control freak, good riddance.

Lorna123

The bloody cheek of her. I would give you a big hug if I was beside you this minute. Who does she think she is. Glad you had the courage to give her her walking papers and don't get soft and go back to her, you can do much better than her.

curlzy

Didn't read all the replies OP. GET OUT NOW. Just because she's female doesn't mean she can't hurt you seriously, are there knives around? Seriously OP, she's not worth it, get out now.

Ickle Magoo

sicktothestomach wrote: »

Hi guys OP here, firstly thank you all for your words of encouragement, as it stands she has packed up and left as of today. While it was upsetting for everyone involved it was definitely the right thing to do.

As you've reached a resolution OP, I'll lock this thread.

All the very best. :cool: