not attending wedding...present?

montzarella

Howdi,

I have been invited to the wedding of a cousin, I have not seen or spoken to this cousin in years. Not that I dislike her or anything, shes nice enough, we are just not in touch and dont have much in common.

I was really really hoping that she wouldnt invite me but she did, I suppose its the "but you have to invite her, shes your cousin" thing.

Anyhow, just wondering what others do when invited but not attending, do you still give a gift? Or does it depend on who the invites from?

Usually I would give a gift, but this is the first time I have not attended a wedding and really not known the person very well, even though she is a cousin. Im sort of inclined not to this time....what do you think? But then again she is a cousin and I probably should.

ABajaninCork

Give a E50 voucher, and leave it at that.

stanley 2

give a present that you can aford to give maybe a few scratch cards . But dont be mean if you can aford it

byronbay2

Is everybody crazy or am I just a tightwad?? Of course you don't need to give a present when you decline a wedding invitation from someone to whom you are not close. It was nice of them to ask you but, since you are not going, there is no obligation, or even expectation, to give a gift as far as I'm concerned.

lazygal

We only give a gift if we were going to give one should we have been able to attend. In the case of what seems like a duty invite from a cousin you barely know, I wouldn't give anything. Between us we've dozens of cousins we hardly know and usually don't bother attending their weddings if we're asked. We don't give gifts in such cases, a timely RSVP so they can ask someone else in our place if they so desire is all I'd consider necessary.

tinkerbell

OP you've said you're not close at all and haven't seen her in years. Just because she's your cousin doesn't mean she should be treated differently to a friend you haven't seen in years. I'd send a congrats card and that's it - no need at all to give a present of any kind.

Vojera

No, you're not required to give a present if you aren't attending the wedding. A card with your good wishes is enough.

liliq

+1 on the posters that have said card but no gift.

Senna

Before my own wedding, I never knew that by sending an invite people will think they are expected to send a present. All the weddings I had been invited to before, on my side anyway, we went.
Then at my wedding, people who weren't able to make it started to send presents and gifts, I couldn't believe it, I would understand if it was someone very close but not so close people sent a gift. Had I of know I wouldn't have invited 4/5 people, worse being my bosses father (kind of my boss as well), i thought it would be nice to invite him and his wife, but I knew they wouldn't come. Then they left a present for me and I felt really bad, it must have looked like we just invited them for the present.

If I had to do it all again I think I would put a message on the invite that if you cant attend we do not want a present (not sure how I would have even worded that:D)