Think about him every day

LegacyUser

Hello All, I feel I need to put down how I feel about loosing my Husband. The sad reality is that I was with him since I was 19 and we had two beautiful kids. He suffered from an addiction, so for the sake of the kids and my sanity, I asked him to leave 6 years ago. I struggled on my own, working and looking after the kids and I suppose wishing that things were different, because I loved him so much. Then almost two years ago, I got that dreaded phone call to say he passed away, aged 47... from that day on, there hasn't been a day that I don't think about him, I am in a relationship with a lovely man, but it is not the same, he was very supportive when it happened and was good with the kids, but I can't talk to him how I feel, nor to my family, as they think I need to move on and stop talking about it or even thinking about it. I think the reason why I feel guilty about how I feel is because people think because I asked him to leave and got on with my life without him, that I didn't love him and in a sense people thought his death would be a relief to me.... but all I wanted was for him to get better and for us, as a family to be happy, it wasn't meant to be.... my son who is now 18 and is a wonderful person, wrote on his facebook how he misses his father especially this time of the year and the memories of his dad holding his hand running down the stairs on Christmas morning to see what santa has left him, and on the other hand, my daughter who was 5 when he left has no memories and struggles with not having memories; that is when I feel guilty....its funny how when I think back, I use to dread my phone ringing, because it would always be a difficult conversation with him and only this morning, I wished I could have a phone call from him, just one more. I could go on and on, but thank you to this forum that I can take the power out of how I feel, by writing it down to like minded people

RossFixxxed

Hi, you had to make some very tough choices for yourself and your children. There's a weird feeling of guilt, I've found anyway, that accompanies a bereavement. It's completely normal, not that it makes it any easier. This man was a hugely important part of your life and all potential futures you predicted are closed with a horrible finality.

You need to be kind to yourself. Try to block out what you think other people's opinion of you is and look after yourself. You have two children, two of his children and they are the way he will live on. They are, in a way, hope for the future and the continuation of him. Keep them close.

I wish you the best, I can totally relate to how you are feeling and I am sure countless others can too. We're all here to have a chat and to offer support in any way we can. Take care of yourself, and never ever be afraid to ask for help if it all gets a bit too much. The strongest people I've ever met are those who can ask for help in tough times. R

Lorna123

When someone dies they are often put on a pedestal and all we can think about is their good points, so this is what you are doing OP and because when your husband was good he was very very good you are dwelling on this. Christmas makes us feel good about everyone and very sentimental and so you are bound to start to think about the past around this time. We want everything to be perfect in our lives at Christmas and you are trying to make what you had with your husband appear perfect. You dearly loved him of course and that will never change, but you have to put that part of your life in a special compartment where you can take these thoughts out from time to time and think about them, but you also have to continue living in the reality of how your life is today.

It is undestandable to think about your ex and long for the happiness you shared with him but it is not really a good idea to dwell on it as it will prevent you from getting on with your life and that is something your husband would not want you to do. You have a good partner now so this is the time to enjoy your life with him and have no regrets when that comes to an end. Looking back the past can appear magical but the life you are leading at the moment with your new partner will be magical too if you let it.

LegacyUser

hello OP here, thank you for your lovely words of encouragement and help. Don't get me wrong, I am trying my hardest to get on with my life and in the exterior I have; but when I am alone with myself; all the memories come flooding back; bad and good. Thank you again; it was good to write it down and nice too see the lovely replies

xxxx

Dude111

I understand what your going thru as I feel the same way right now

God bless you