Always a cheat?

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Hopefully this will be short.

Ive been with my gf for three years but we were on and off for three before that. Im 22, and weve been living together for the three years. We always knew we would get together eventually just wanted to wait for the right time. So when we finally got around to it we gave it a good bash.

Cut to this year, after we have been through an awful lot of stuff. Im very ill, her family dislike me very much, ive left home, had to leave third level education twice due to illness etc etc (relationship stuff basically). So we are both heading off to college last september, her to dublin, me cork. We spoke for months and months about what this would mean. What we should do about us came us, as we are young, and the distance etc.

Now she said she would always love me and she didnt want anyone else ever (typical). So we stayed together going into college. Now three days into college I found out she was cheating on me with someone in her course, who was married and just had a newborn baby. It had started less than five days after I had gone to Cork. They kissed, touched eachother and sent eachother nude webcams. Most of this happened in public.

I found out because I saw the webcams because she was logged into hotmail on my computer. I was very very upset. Long story short I ate her for a few days and kind of took her back. But im definetly not over it and am struggling very hard to cope. Im just wondering if there is a point in carrying on? Or how should trust be rebuilt. She just said that TECHNICALLY she didnt do anything wrong. Yet on the day she sent him the first nude webcam she had said she wanted children with me, the whole shebang.

I find myself playing it over in my head. When she mentions him in her class it bugs me. Also I just see her face in those videos and my blood boils.

Sorry if this post is tl:dr just need some help. I cant do too much as it is because I live with her and am ill alot so any advice would help. Be tough

judgefudge

Jesus OP. sorry that happened to you. My advice would be to run for the hills. You're only 22. This sounds like a mess of a situation and not somethin you need at this stage. For her to have acted the way she has shows that she has zero consideration for your feelings or the feelings of this other guys wife. She does not sound mature enough for a real relationship.

I was in a similar situation where my boyfriend cheated and the same day had been telling me he wanted to marry me etc.

For me there's no way back from that kind of thing. I wish you luck!

2rkehij30qtza5

Op yes...unfortunately once a cheater always a cheater.
If I were you I would run...fast. If she really loved you she would never have done this to you. People who truely love one another, and I mean truely, wouldn't in a million billion years do this.
So this girl, despite what she says, does not love you. Sorry to hear you are sick etc and I know I'm being blunt but you need to hear it.

cantdecide

Bodhi Shrilling Saboteur wrote: »

Op yes...unfortunately once a cheater always a cheater.

I wouldn't altogether agree with this. I think a lot of the time when people are at this age, they can do things that they would never consider doing by the time they turn, say, thirty. Like they are reacting to things in their past and present without too much heed for the future. In other words, for some, it's a phase.

As for the OP: I'm sorry brother, you need to run as fast as you can. This won't go away any time soon. Anyone who would behave so brazenly is not right in the head. Go and find someone who deserves you but in the meantime, do your best to start drawing a line under your time with this girl and move on.

castle

Mate you know what you need to do, she is no good as she is and as she is young I would not hold it against her,she is growing up and will gain experience by having some fun with others, you should break free and down the road who knows you might get back together in 5-6 years, best of luck

ShaShaBear

I wouldn't say "once a cheater, always a cheater". It comes down to the type of cheating. Once-offs, or affairs. I don't believe anyone who has a proper emotional affair while in a relationship will always do it, but it does mean that they do not truly love the person they are cheating on. However, someone who tries to get away with a string of once-offs, in my experience they will always do it. Once-offs are usually a sexual thing, they want more than what they are getting/love the thrill and danger. People who have an affair are usually lacking something emotional from their relationship and if that is re-discovered in the original relationship, they won't likely do it again (although the trust is lost at that stage, and that is what usually ends a relationship with an affair).

In your case, your girlfriend is going the once-off route at the minute. She clearly gets a kick out of the risk for herself and the married man, and her telling you she has done nothing wrong is clear indication that she has no problem doing it again. She displays some classic signs of a serial one-off cheater... telling you what you want to hear about the future to distract you from the present. Telling you that she technically didn't cheat is a manipulative way of keeping you sweet and paving the way for her to turn this into a regular thing.

It's only a matter of time before something drastic happens, eg, some screenshots of her ladyparts from a webcam end up on the internet, she has some very angry and upset lady knocking on doors with a vendetta, or worst case scenario, if she ends up pregnant and you will always be left wondering.

Long story short, get out now.

IrishEyes19

I dont want to say once a cheater, always a cheater but to be honest Id always be thinking why did they do that to me if they loved me really. I wouldnt be able to come back from that.

seachto7

Often three sides to every story: his side, her side, and the truth.

But ask her how would she like to see the same done to her. There's your answer then..........

RubyWoo83

No it's not once a cheater always a cheater at all. What would concern me more is that she doesn't seem to be sorry, she is under the impression that she "technically" didn't do anything wrong. I'm not one for break & run at every little problem but I wouldn't be in any rush to hold onto this girl.

Holsten

No, once a cheater is not always a cheater. If my girlfriend had cheated on a previous boyfriend and had told me about it I wouldn't hold it against her, but if she cheated on me... out the door.

But in this case she has cheated on YOU! Get rid of her.

iusedtoknow

There are no technicalities when it comes to cheating. It isn't just about sex. Cheating can be anything when it is considered something you should be doing with your bf/gf - be it flashing like that, or even building up an emotional bond with someone else (further than normal friendship)

The very fact she tried to justify indicates she knew what she was doing was wrong.

Head for the hills, and don't look back

HelloGiggles

Female advice here..


She clearly couldn't give a toss about your "relationship".

You're worth more than the treatment that some little tramp (excuse the language) is giving you.

Have respect for yourself and leave her! If you stay with her after something like that then you might as well say "sure go ahead, just remember to cc me on the videos you send to your man"

Forget her and get stuck into your college work and college life. You just said you are in Cork, you never have to see her if you don't want.

cut her out of your life, forget her and find someone lovely and respectful in college.

She will, without a doubt do it again... And she now knows she can do it again because you took her back. Teach her a lesson. leave her and forget her! You're not doing yourself any favors staying with her.