Changing Name by Common Usage Query

mum.of.one

Hi - I am a mother of a 3 year old boy.

The relationship was difficult with anger issues on his side - counselling before baby was born etc. We stayed together for a couple of months after birth and have been apart since.

When he was born we registered him with his father's surname only.
His father's name was also on the birth cert.

I would now like to change surname on birth cert so it reads both our surnames (ie a double-barrelled surname). I would like him to grow up with this initially as he has 2 distinct families and let him make decision himself down the line.

Father will not agree.

Asked him via solicitors letter - took over 7 months to come back with a reply - flat out NO.

Father has access, pays maintenance and recently got guardianship.
The only option open to me is to change the name via common usage.
I have done this for the doctor and chemist and creche etc.

However he has contested the creche and refuses to sign in with double-barrel name and edited the enrolment form to delete my surname without my knowledge.

Where do guardianship rights stop in relation to common usage, ie I understand he has right to be involved in creche choice but what about the name registered?

I know officially in the primary school he has to go by birth cert... and passport and E111 and PPN

Can he go in and change the doctors registration etc?
Could he scribble out her name on copy books down the line for instance?

I am so upset - I am not asking for his name to be removed and yet still getting a brick wall.

If he stops me using it included in doctors files and pharmacy and creche etc by pushing his guardianship rights surely I have no opportunity to get her name changed via common usage (it needs to be used for 2 years).
Anyone any experience of bringing someone back to court on this?

Ultimately very frustrating and exhausting.

Procrastastudy

mum.of.one wrote: »

Father will not agree.

Ultimately very frustrating and exhausting.

Can't give legal advice as per charter - also this forum generally doesn't have the airs and graces of the Personal Issues or Parenting forums so some (blunt) free practical advice; stop making issues out of non-issues and focus on maintaining the best possible relationship in a bad situation. Thus minimising your own frustration and exhaustion.

mum.of.one

Maybe cannot give legal advice but posters could give examples of their own experience in this situation.

Psych report has stated father passive resistant, controlling, manipulative, negative etc etc. Me - loving helpful and supportive mum!!

Sometimes it takes only one person to cause difficulties. If names were a non-issue father would have no issue with name change; obviously very strong connections to a name. Surely that doesn't need to be explained?!

If you have any experience of this situation I would appreciate some feedback as that is what I am looking for.

Procrastastudy

mum.of.one wrote: »

Maybe cannot give legal advice but posters could give examples of their own experience in this situation.

Psych report has stated father passive resistant, controlling, manipulative, negative etc etc. Me - loving helpful and supportive mum!!

Sometimes it takes only one person to cause difficulties. If names were a non-issue father would have no issue with name change; obviously very strong connections to a name. Surely that doesn't need to be explained?!

If you have any experience of this situation I would appreciate some feedback as that is what I am looking for.

I see that you are new, it is not my place to backseat mod but as a suggestion I would probably look at a more appropriate forum such as the parenting forum. Just my 2 cents.

My only experiance is vicarious, however, I fail to see how a name makes much difference taking everything you've said at face value. To be fair thats not what you've asked so I'll butt out at ths stage. Best of luck.

mum.of.one

THanks Procrastastudy,

Yes Im new....

I actually put 'guardianship' and also 'common usage' into a search and they appeared more often in Legal Discussion over Parenting, which is why I posted here... will have a closer look this evening.

Peregrinus

Couple of thoughts:

1. It's annoying, but it's hard to see that your son's welfare is going to be profoundly affected by having his father's surname only. Save your emotional energy (and your money!) for conflicts that matter more. Do not let something as comparatively trivial as this feed into your ex's passive-agressive manipulation.

2. The whole point about common usage is that it's a matter of fact, not law, so nobody can tell you what will or will not be possible. If, e.g, a doctor's practice or a childcare centre is happy to register the boy under the double-barrelled name, or even under your name alone, then they can do it and nobody will stop them. If they aren't happy, nobody can make them. Neither you nor your ex get to decide this; they do. When your son is very small, most people will default to the name on the birth cert, but once he is old enough to tell people his name, and in due course to write his name, if he uses the double-barrelled name then a lot of people will follow suit.

mum.of.one

Ok, here's the predicament - Im not sure have I explained it correctly:

I accept totally that the time when I had any input into the name on the birth cert is gone.

Ive No problem with that.

I accept that ex refuses to agree to changing this now (or ever - until he's 16 he says).

However, I have decided in my own areas of life, e.g. creche and the doctors and the pharmacist, if I am booking things together for us etc to enter him under a double-barrelled name.

However, ex is not allowing this and has already gone into the creche to edit the enrolment form for my son (without my knowledge and before he had guardianship).

I am concerned that now he is guardian he will continue to do so and I dont know what the legality of it is - as he is now a guardian, is it his right, do we have equal rights, or do I have rights to do this myself, seperately to him if I wish?

I know my ex and he will continue doing this. I have spoken to the doctors today to see if they had experience of this before. They hadn't. Obviously they said they would follow the law on it, but they don't know what it is... and neither do I!

Hence this post.