Stay or Go??

LegacyUser

A few weeks ago I found out that my wife cheated on me , we are married 7 years and have two children. I agreed to stay until after xmas for kids sake and take it from there. I still love my wife but i dont know if i can just move on and forget what happened. Any advice or thoughts??

nadey

max1979 wrote: »

A few weeks ago I found out that my wife cheated on me , we are married 7 years and have two children. I agreed to stay until after xmas for kids sake and take it from there. I still love my wife but i dont know if i can just move on and forget what happened. Any advice or thoughts??

Hey op so sorry to hear that must be so hard for you at the moment

If I was you I would leave once trust has been broken there is no relationship anymore once a cheat always a cheat IMOP

If you did take her back could really trust her 100% again knowing what she did I know I couldn't trust my partner ever again if he done this to me

I hope it all works out for you in the end weather you decide to stay or go

sffc

What WE think doesn't matter OP -it's what you think and will think in the weeks and months ahead . My only advice is to be true to yourself. In the long run you and your family will be happier that way. It may mean staying it may mean going but be true to yourself .

ABajaninCork

I would agree. You need to work out what YOU want.

Did you talk about this with your wife? Why did she feel the need to cheat?? Is the relationship worth saving? In other words, would going to marriage counselling work?

It's an awful situation, and I feel for you. But you need as cool a head as possible. Don't make any hasty decisions yet. If you do decide to leave, make sure you make suitable access and maintenance arrangements for your kids.

Dingle_berry

Very sorry about your situation. Can't imagine how crap it is!
As the other posters have said, only you can answer wether you should stay or leave. Can you move on from this and repair your relationship or is it beyond repair? If you aren't sure a course of marriage counselling (facilitated by a propperly registered therapist) could help. Or just go to counselling yourself if your wife doesn't want to. It will help you come to a conclusion.
I personally would not want to be in a relationship where I wasn't trusted or I didn't trust my OH. It ends up occupying too much of my mind and turns things sour.
I wouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of children either. It will be tough on them no matter what age they are.

Piper101

Its not always that cut and dry is it OP?

A few questions need to be asked and not necessarily just to her. Why did she cheat? With whom? Was it an affair or a ONS? Has the relationship between the two of you been going well?

Dont discount a marriage with kids over what was possibly a drunken mistake/misguided attempt for attention. Look at it this way, in the circumstances of what happened (not much detail in your post) do you think you would want/deserve a second chance?

To echo the other posters, I'm very sorry about what happened, its devastating, it really is and I dont envy either of you or your family. Have learnt, in the past, that very few things are cut and dry and maybe fidelity doesn't work for every relationship. Only you can answer your own question OP.

Merkin

I'd be inclined to go to relationship counselling to establish why it happened, whether it may happen again and whether there is enough love there to rebuild your relationship. A relationship is very tenuous if there is no trust so you need to establish whether this can be restored and I think only the guidance of a professional relationship therapist can really help you both answer those important questions. I wish you well.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your thoughts, I prob should have elaborated on a few things the affair or whatever to call it wasn't a dunken night but it also wasn't a full blown affair it happened a couple of time not that it makes this any easier and it was with somebody i know pretty well,
For the sake of my family and his wife i have not spoken to anybody about this, none of my mates know maybe... i just got to see this out for another few weeks and see where i go from here.

ibarelycare

Some good advice here. I'd also dismiss anyone who uses the tired old cliche "once a cheat, always a cheat" because that's absolute crap. That's basically saying no one can change, when of course they can. There are plenty of people who cheat once and then never do it again.

There are plenty of questions that need answering. Do you want to salvage the relationship? Does your wife want to salvage it? Why did she cheat? Was it a once-off indiscretion or an affair?

People have moved on from things like this before and gone on to have long and happy lives together. It's going to take determination and hard work from both of you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Mervenut

No one has mentioned the 2 children caught in the middle of this, you need to think about them also! Counselling would be my advice!

nadey

Obviously his wife didn't care about him or his children while she was off with another man

Also why is everyone saying was there a reason she cheated???

There is never ever a good enough excuse to cheat on your partner specially when there's children involved not only has she betrayed her husband but also the children

If you do decide to leave op don't for one minute feel guilty about the children it's your wife's fault for ruining the trust in the relationship she's the one who should feel guilty

kat.mac

My advice would be to avoid making any quick decisions. Sit on it for a while, the right course for you will become clear with time, so use the Christmas period to really evaluate what's happening.

And don't for one minute allow yourself to speculate as to what other people will think. It'll cloud your judgement and this is your family - not theirs.

Best of luck to you. Whatever your decision is, as long as it's truly your decision, will be the right one