One Billion Set Aside to Bury Civil Servants in Gold Coffins

LivelineDipso

PRESS RELEASE
DEPARTMENT OF CIVIL SERVICE PAMPERING
TO BE REPRINTED VERBATIM WITH NO CRITICISM BY ALL MEDIA
CONTACT: Offinogioe O'Guurffoughty Press Officer.

The Department of Civil Service Pampering have the pleasure of announcing that a total of one billion Euros is to be set aside for several thousand solid gold coffins for civil servants to thank them for a life of hard work and selfless commitment.

Under the new plan which is entitled Golden Die, the coffins are to made of 11 carat cold and lined in the finest upholstry so that civil servants can rest in peace and diginity and luxury. Said IMPACT's Cabbastie Ni Funnignogies: "There is a growing sense of frustration that civil servants are being hard done by and gestures such as Golden Die can ease the tramautic effects of working a 30 hour wee for 120K a year."

In order to pay for the project a special arrangement has been created whereby private sector workers who can no long afford a standard funeral will be dumped in a landfill in Finglas in order to free up the funds for the new Civil Service National Cemetary on Howth Head. The centrepiece of this new development will be a 100 foot statue of surly looking wagon from Connemara scowling at a mother trying to get a medical card for her terminally ill child. Entitled "Status Comes with Privillages" The artwork is to cost 300 million euros and is to be funded out of the savings taken from the carers allowences cuts.

In other news the last non public sector worker emigrated to Nigeria last Thursday.

summerskin

AH reaches a new low. Well done.

My name is URL

Source?

sock puppet

And so it was that the Irish edition of The Onion shut down after one article.

Micky Dolenz

Even I am tiring of the PS bashing.