Is it to soon?

LegacyUser

My girlfriend and I had planned to get engaged over Christmas this year as we will be away on holidays, her father passed away 6 weeks ago and we have been thinking is it to soon? We are both happy to still go ahead but are a little worried what others will think and how her family will think if it's to soon is there any sort of unspoken rule for these things??

CaraMay

I think it's too soon. Why not wait til valentines or her birthday? I'm not in to getting engaged on specific holidays so maybe just do it some random night in a few months.

Lorna123

I would not think it is too soon as these are two different things and it might be a bit of good news to distract the rest of the family from the grieving that her dad is not there for Christmas. It's whatever your g/f thinks really. If she is okay with it then I would think it is okay. She knows her family and how they might react. Personally I think that her father would not want her to postpone this special time on his account. He would want her to go ahead with it.

P. Breathnach

OP, I don't think that we can answer your question for you. People are very different, and it might be too soon in some families, acceptable in others, and very welcome in yet other families.

You need to think about those people most affected by the loss of your girlfriend's father (and that obviously includes your girlfriend herself). They are the people whose reactions matter most. Don't worry too much about the wider circles of family and friends. Perhaps your girlfriend can have a quiet word with them and check with them about whether or not they would be happy with an announcement at this time.

Esoteric_

What about talking to the mother or any siblings, and sounding the idea out. Tell them you guys had planned it, but don't want to upset anyone after what's happened. Ask their opinion. They may find it disrespectful or upsetting, but on the other hand, they might see it as a ray of brightness in an otherwise bleak Christmas season.

I wouldn't make any decision without talking to the family first.

kat.mac

Tough one - it's totally subjective.

Do you think her family would welcome the distraction, and the chance to celebrate something positive in their lives? If so - go for it as planned!

Or do you think they would rather just get on with the process of dealing with their grief this Christmas - would the announcement be an unwelcome interruption of the grieving?

I could be wrong, but it sounds like ye have been planning to get engaged for quite a while. Would it be easier all round to just put that off for another couple of weeks, which would be nothing in the long run? Say until Valentine's Day, as another poster suggested?

LegacyUser

Op back again... think we will leave it off for a while after reading the replys here. thanks for giving us an outside point of view. We have some people saying we should not be even going on holidays so no doubt they would be negative about this to.

ShaShaBear

I was in exactly the same position as your GF, although my family are very open, honest and tight-knit, so I knew they would welcome the news. However, it is something to consider that if you have a conventional wedding, her not having her dad there can be very hard (I'm still coming to terms with this as I plan).

If there are people within her family that don't think you should be going on a holiday (poppycock, that's probably exactly what the poor girl needs) then it would definitely be a bad idea to announce an engagement. Wait until next year, but try not to leave it too close to her dad's anniversairy, and obviously a while after his month's mind.