Getting back together after a split

kat.mac

Hi there,

I'm wondering what other people's experiences have been with gettig back with an ex after a while being separated

My ex-boyfriend has recently got in touch, wanting to know if there's any way we can start fresh.

He broke up with me in April, suddenly, and via a text message. I didn't know why at the time, fcuked him out of it from a height and worked hard to move on. We had no contact until very recently.

I agreed to meet with him a few days ago as I was *very* interested in getting an explanation. Surprisingly, I was able to understand why he ended it, and he apologised for how he ended it also. I accept his apology as genuine.

This brings me to why I'm posting here. I love the man, no getting away from that fact, and he wants me back. I'm not looking for advice as to whether I should get back with him or not, just really want to hear from anyone who has got back with someone after they hurt you, or if you've been the one who did the hurting and tried (successfully or otherwise) to get them back.

I hope I've explained this properly! Thanks for reading

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I met a guy, we went out for a year and then he broke up with me. I felt it came completely out of the blue.

Anyway, about six months later I bumped into him and we got chatting. Met up a few times after that and talked through the break up. He asked for a second chance and I said yes. Like you I was wary to begin with and we took things slowly but I (thought I) loved him so wanted to give it a go.

We were together for two more years and then I realised that it wasn't what I wanted anymore. It's a cliche but In hindsight I really feel that we broke up the first time because our relationship was broken. I don't know if I ever really loved him again properly the second time around.

This is just my experience though and I wanted to post because you wanted other people's experiences. We can't see into the future and we'll never know what could have been.

I don't regret getting back with him per say but I sometimes feel it may have been time wasted. Either way, I've met someone new now, I'm with him 3 years and am happier than ever. I learned a lot from my previous relationship and it's made me who I am.

I hope this helps OP. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.

Lorna123

If you really love this man then I am thrilled for you that he wants you back. I have not had the same experience as you but it doesn't mean that if someone who was in this situation tells you that they did and it didn't work out that this will happen in your case. I think myself that if this man wants you back after a long break then he knows what he wants and if you want him too then this is a great start. Best of Luck to both of you.

thepeachyone28

similar experience wrote: »

Hi OP,

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I met a guy, we went out for a year and then he broke up with me. I felt it came completely out of the blue.

Anyway, about six months later I bumped into him and we got chatting. Met up a few times after that and talked through the break up. He asked for a second chance and I said yes. Like you I was wary to begin with and we took things slowly but I (thought I) loved him so wanted to give it a go.

We were together for two more years and then I realised that it wasn't what I wanted anymore. It's a cliche but In hindsight I really feel that we broke up the first time because our relationship was broken. I don't know if I ever really loved him again properly the second time around.

This is just my experience though and I wanted to post because you wanted other people's experiences. We can't see into the future and we'll never know what could have been.

I don't regret getting back with him per say but I sometimes feel it may have been time wasted. Either way, I've met someone new now, I'm with him 3 years and am happier than ever. I learned a lot from my previous relationship and it's made me who I am.

I hope this helps OP. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.

I had a similar situation to this. Got back with someone who broke my heart because I truly thought it would work if we gave it another go. he dumped me after a year and a half, we were apart three months, got back together and lasted another three years. I ended it earlier this year. core reasons for breakup were same both times. Everyone told me not to get back with him, because if we were ever right, we'd never have broken up in the first place. I wish I had listened, but no could tell me what to do, I had to find the answers for myself. In ways I'm glad I didn't listen because I don't wonder what if. mostly though, I regret wasting another three years trying to figure it out. I could have spent that time more wisely. I might have met someone who treated me better. And I never loved him the same after. you always think you will, but if someone breaks your heart you'll never trust them the same way again, you'll always be waiting for them to hurt you again. I'll not make the same mistake again. never get back with someone who breaks your heart, because they don't love you enough to stay with you in the first place, they don't deserve you.

countryliving

go for it
i have not had that experience as you however life is short
you say you love this guy and you accept his explanation well go for it again
believe you me i am out on the scene and it is tough going to meet someone that you connect with and that you fancy so go for it and good luck.
yes - proceed with caution but for sure we are on a journey in life and have no regrets and i wish you all the best

countryliving

this guy came back to you....and gave you an explanation - he obviously feels the same

realgirl

I started going out with my BF at 16 and we quickly fell head over heels in love with each other. After a year he broke up with me - he was heading off to college etc and wanted to keep his options open - but after 6 months he wanted me back, realised his mistake etc and I was still mad about him so we got back together. After another two years I broke up with him. We had just spent the summer in different countries and I felt like the closeness was gone. Lo and behold I realised my mistake and 4 months later we were back together. That was 14 years ago. There have been plenty of ups and downs along the way and at times we have had to work pretty hard at our relationship but we love each other, want to be together and are pretty happy with how things are now.
OP I think it's true that if there was no problem you wouldn't have broken up in the first place. However, all relationships are full of problems, all of the problems of each partner show up in them and it's how these are dealt with that determines the success of each relationship. People are generally well meaning when giving advice etc but the only person who has to live your life is you. Try to remember that when you're making any decisions. Good luck.

thepeachyone28

countryliving wrote: »

this guy came back to you....and gave you an explanation - he obviously feels the same

Yes, but he broke up with her suddenly, via text, without a proper explanation till now. Going back to someone like that, no matter what boundaries you set yourself, lets someone see that it's ok to treat you that way. And they probably will again, no matter what they say because they slip into old habits after a while of trying to be good. if someone can end it with you on a whim, there's nothing to say they won't do it again, other than their word which doesn't count for much when you look at their previous actions. I hope I don't sound bitter but I learned this lesson the hard way

jantheman91

Forget about him. It's the best way. Same thing happened me. Dumped by text and lied to.

Get on with your life. Plenty more fish in the sea so don't let him rule your life. Go out, enjoy yourself and find someone else.

Best of luck!

ibarelycare

Every situation is different, sometimes it will work and sometimes it won't. I would have always been cynical about people breaking up and getting back together. I would have thought "well if they had to break up then the relationship obviously isn't that great", but I changed my mind after being in that situation.

My story - I was going out with my boyfriend for 8 months when he broke up with me. I was absolutely heartbroken. I'd been so happy with him but he told me he didn't love me any more. After 4 weeks he got in touch to say he'd made a mistake and asked could we talk. He suffers from depression and had been hit with it really badly when he broke up with me. He was going through a phase of self-loathing and thinking he didn't deserve me so he told me that he didn't love me to protect me. Anyway we got back together and he went to counselling and we worked through things. That was exactly a year ago and we're unbelievably happy now. Although my bf regrets what happened with us, I don't regret it at all now. I think the time apart did us the world of good. I thought our relationship was good before but now it's amazing and I've never been happier.

Best of luck with your situation OP, hope it works out

CaraMay

I wouldn't get back with someone who had so little respect for me as to dump me by text.

ColletteB

Hi OP, the same happened to me. I was with a guy for 8 months, he really hurt me by finishing it over the phone. Now, we did have an arguement albeit a very silly one but within 3 months he wanted to get back with me.
I was like no way...who the hell do you think you are????????
Anyway after about seven months of wooing me I finally gave him a second chance and we started seeing each other again. I was quite cautius with him second time around but now five years later we are married. We do have our ups and downs like most couples but we do love each other. I just didnt want to be always wondering did I do the right thing by sending him on, if you do get back with him and it does finish then at least you will know.

kat.mac

OP here!

Really, really appreciate the replies - thanks a million. So refreshing to hear other people's experiences without ye trying to persuade me towards one decision or the other.

He really does seem to have been able to screw his head back on in the months we've been apart. I'm meeting him again tomorrow to talk some more, and I think I want to go for it again, cautiously at first. I hate admitting it, even to myself, but I actually *cannot* wait to see him again and simply be in his company, even if we take things very slowly at first. Every other guy I've met since we broke up gets immediately and repeatedly measured against him in my head, and never comes up to the mark... and as countryliving said, it is tough to meet someone you really connect with!

I'm so aware that it might not work out, and that it might seem like wasted time if it doesn't - however, I've never regretted any decision I've made when it's truly been MY decision. The only regrets I have stem from times when I've let others persuade me as to what to do. That's why I wasn't looking for advice as to whether to take him back or not, simply what other people have experienced in similar situations.

Just a quick thing to put the "dumped by text" scenario in context (not to excuse it, just to put it in context) we were in an LDR at the time, and did a vast amount of our communication by text. And he genuinely seems to be thoroughly ashamed of that now. (As it happens, we now live only half an hour apart because I've changed jobs in the meantime.)

My close friends/sisters will have a very strong opinion on this... but I guess they wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't!

Thanks again for the honest and enlightening replies X

msg11

Best of luck , I do hope it works for you

kat.mac

OP back again,

To all of you who told me to walk away - thanks for the advice. Should have taken it.

FML.

msg11

kat.mac wrote: »

OP back again,

To all of you who told me to walk away - thanks for the advice. Should have taken it.

FML.

Sorry to hear ! Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say. I like yourself would love to try get back with the ex even if I done the breaking up but it's far to long ago, people and life changes so rapidly.

At leased you can say I gave it a go ..

thepeachyone28

kat.mac wrote: »

OP back again,

To all of you who told me to walk away - thanks for the advice. Should have taken it.

FML.

At least you won't always wonder. It's hard to face now, but for the sake of closure, it is better in the long run. Now cut all ties, and if he contacts you again, ignore. You deserve better than a little sh*t who dumps by text, regardless of situation!

kat.mac

New year, new start!

Just put a deposit down on my own little apartment, so I have loads to look forward to!

Holsten

Quick run down of what happened?

Merkin

kat.mac wrote: »

New year, new start!

Yes it is. And you know what? Maybe this most recent run-in with him will now fully afford you the closure that you perhaps needed. Dumping you by text was one thing, it shows him to be spineless and mean. Now he's shown his true colours a second time so you can now move on with the 100% knowledge that he is an actual, grade-A, certified a$$hole. Take the positive from this and look ahead now.

kat.mac

Not really into writing out the whole sorry saga!

Merkin, thanks so much for those words! All contact cut off, head up, moving on!

ABajaninCork

kat.mac wrote: »

OP back again,

To all of you who told me to walk away - thanks for the advice. Should have taken it.

FML.

Oh no!! I just read this and was hoping things would work out. He's obviously an immature headwreck

Move on. You want nourishment, not punishment. And there's plenty more where he came from!!

Good luck!

Taltos

Holsten wrote: »

Quick run down of what happened?

Holsten - if you have not done so recently please review our charter now.
PI/RI are strictly moderated and all breaches of our charter are actionable.

Specifically in this case:

Do not ask for updates/to be kept updated - this prevents threads turning into blogs or soap operas for others amusement and avoids putting pressure on the original poster to return to the thread.

Thanks
Taltos