Do Women Try to Make Men Jealous?

LegacyUser

My gf and I are at distance. She never really talks about the women friends that would be around her, e.g. her flatmate, her good friend at work, but she always tells me about the advances men make towards her.

There's a couple of guys that live within her area, one of whom fancy her and has said so. She always tells me about them and says how much she likes them, will converse with them regularly and say that they're attractive, nice guys and so on... She always tells me she doesn't fancy them and sees them as friends.

I believe her that they are just friends. I can get that. But, I find it weird that she'll only fill me in on fellas. It makes me wonder does she want me jealous? Is she trying to test my stamina in some way?

She has reacted similarly with other guys. She admits she finds the attention flattering.

I'm sure the ladies will have more to say on this and let me know if this is normal. What way should I view it and am I being weird and over thinking this?

Thanks!

isitthenorm?

isitthenorm? wrote: »

I'm sure the ladies will have more to say on this and let me know if this is normal. What way should I view it and am I being weird and over thinking this?

I don't know, she probably is teasing you a bit, but if she is it's just her being herself, it's not her being a woman.

Women do all kinds of things, because they're all different people.

From what you've said though, it's nothing to get bothered about.

curlzy

In answer to the question in the title. Some do, some don't.

Do men try to generalise about women? Some do, some don't.

She may be just of the mind set that declaring everything is the most honest way to operate. If I get hit on I tell my fiancée because I want him to do the same, I hate hiding things/not being open and so I declare all. It's not to make him jealous. Although I don't follow up with saying the person is attractive etc, although again maybe she's just uber honest.

Why not fight fire with fire and be completely honest and tell her you find it strange and are wondering why she does it?

Forever Hopeful

OP,
That is annoying for you. I'm a woman and from my perspective it sounds like she tells you these things perhaps to remind you that you are lucky to have her or she is very insecure and needs validation.
You should tell her about all the girls who crack on to you... Might change her tune a bit. I know that is childish but she is behaving a little like one.
Have you asked her why she feels the need to tell you these things?

judgefudge

As others have said, some women do, some don't. I personally would find it really irritating to have someone tell me every time they are hit on. Unless its someone you know or someone who is a regular part of their life, or inappropriate in some way...what's the point?

Seems like she's trying to remind you that other men want her, if she was secure in the relationship I don't see why she would do that. Unless its some kind of ego trip.

I would just tell her to cop on tbh.

ZzubZzub

isitthenorm? wrote: »

My gf and I are at distance.

As in long distance, or distance between ye over this?

If it's the former, maybe she is telling you about male advances as a way of assuring you that nothing is going on while ye are apart. That despite the attention she's receiving, she is fully committed to you?

If it's the latter, just tell her how it's making you feel!

Good luck!

Scanlas The 2nd

curlzy wrote: »

In answer to the question in the title. Some do, some don't.

Do men try to generalise about women? Some do, some don't.

She may be just of the mind set that declaring everything is the most honest way to operate. If I get hit on I tell my fiancée because I want him to do the same, I hate hiding things/not being open and so I declare all. It's not to make him jealous. Although I don't follow up with saying the person is attractive etc, although again maybe she's just uber honest.

Why not fight fire with fire and be completely honest and tell her you find it strange and are wondering why she does it?

No need to make smart comments to the OP. He basically wants to know if it's something women are known to do or if she is a one off.

OP it is nothing unusual for a woman to try and make their boyfriend jealous. They often do it to for validation that you are still attracted.

Lynz411

I wouldn't worry if I were you. If she wanted to be with one of those guys, believe me, she would be chasing after them.

Have you ever thought that perhaps she doesn't fill you in on her female friends because she might be worried YOU might find one of them interesting or attractive?

I think she is trying to show you that other men are attracted to her.

If it bothers you enough, why don't you just say it to her?


Oh and yes, women do try and make men jealous... usually enough though it back fires on us. I don't do it because I don't want it done to me.

Lorna123

It's a sign of insecurity. It is also very annoying. If you say things like "oh, another guy who fancies you, my God you certainly have them running after you".....something sarcastic like this might make her realize that she is being silly and I am sure she would stop it.

dannyc31

i agree with Lorna123, it is indeed a sign of insecurity. but its not that some women do it with a nasty intention in mind, it tends to be a test run by them to try tease out how the fella actually feels about them.
men are notoriously bad communicators and so often girls are left very unsure how the bloke truly feels about them especially in the early stages of a relationship.

the reasoning goes "if i make him jealous and he reacts, then he must like me alot".

but yes it is very annoying for men and a better approach would be just for them to sit tight and see how things go, or talk to each other.

Taltos

dannyc31 - welcome to PI/RI. If you have not already done so please take some time now to read our charter. Generalisations are not welcome here and can result in mod action.

Scanlas - opinions are welcome here, and if you have an issue report a post, but please don't attempt to backseat moderate or dismiss someone elses opinion in the manner above.

Taltos

HelloGiggles

She is obviously trying to get a rise out of you, other than that, there is really no reason for her to constantly tell you about other men who fancy her.

when 3 closest friends of mine had boyfriends..I seen similar things, making up stupid stories to try and see if their boyfriends would get jealous. it's so pointless and usually backfired on them. Which is why I wouldn't waste my time with it, it's a game that could very well end badly and I would HATE to be caught up in a situation like that.

Women do it. Not all women, but some do it.

The best thing you can do is pay her no mind. The whole give her a taste of her own medicine is literally just adding fuel to the fire. Ignore it or simply just say it to her out straight! It doesn't make you look insecure for one second to tell her it annoys you.

She can enjoy all the attention guys give her, but when she's with you she should respect your relationship and respect you.

Hope all works out

P. Breathnach

Another possibility is that she is simply being straight and honest, and trying to emphasise to OP that she is indeed being loyal to him.

OP, there are things about which I would want reassurance in your position: if any man tried it on with her, I would hope that she have nothing more to do with him; I would also hope that she did not go out alone with any man who made it clear that he fancied her. I see those as boundary maintenance.

a fat guy

As stated before, it's a form of insecurity.

Be the bigger person and pay her childishness no mind.

I mean, we all have many things that we could brag about, but we don't. It's called humility!

I think the best way to react is in a playful manner, "Oh, I'd better watch out or they'll be proposing to you soon!". That sort of thing should give her the reaction that'll calm things down, and show her that you aren't affected by what she's saying.

As I've said, be the bigger person and get on with it! G'luck!

saiint

well OP i was in someway the same situation as you

when i first got with my gf over 3 years ago

she would tell me the names of all the fellas she had sex with, now although i never minded even though i knew one them as a close friend at one stage, it never did bother me because its her past
then she tells me fellas who approach her and ask for her number and a "MEET" / kiss and all

same thing again i didnt let it bother me, i sat her down one day and told her
are you trying to make me jealous, or do you want me to end this relationship because it seems you'd prefer to be single the way your constantly telling me about other fellas?

now she was telling me everyday and quite frankly i got sick of it , not because of jealousy but because it was annoying hearing it over and over again when it has nothing to do with me and its the same thing everyday.

she took it on board , and whallaaaa i havnt heard anything since

if your insecure ( although it seems your just like me and sick of hearing about it ) well then sit her down and tell her to keep it too herself

you obviously trust her, she just likes the attention as most girls do
have a talk with her
cause trust me mate you dont want to be hearing this everyday of the week , it gets old