Trust New Relationship

LegacyUser

Here is my dilemma I am going out with a girl for 4 months. We are both out of LTR. We have a great time, fun nights out/in, lots of adventures and have an amazing sex life etc.

Heres the thing, she is a party girl who is very flirtatious. I have some serious trust issues with her which are really annoying me, I think about it an awful lot to the point it is now effecting my enjoying of our relationship. Value wise im probably into wife and kids, she does not view this as important. Age could be a factor there though as im 29 whereas she is only 23

Lack of trust stems from the fact she had a boyfriend when we meet. She told me of her past which included a lot of cheating on her then boyfriend. Since she broke up with him we got together but now those thoughts are going through my mind. We have been extremely open with one another and spoke about our previous relationships, we had both cheated. We agreed that its completely wrong and creates a horrible feeling within. We have said we will not cheat and if we do we will tell the other person. She has told me she is attracted to another guy who she works with but will not do anything about it because she is happy with me

I am afraid of her cheating and getting hurt

Do you think a person like this could be trusted over time and could a serious relationship develop or am I setting myself up for a fall here and just walk away. Has anyone been in this situation before?

Virgil°

whattodostayorgo wrote: »

She has told me she is attracted to another guy who she works with but will not do anything about it because she is happy with me

This is a VERY inappropriate(and worrying) thing to say to someone you're dating. So what happens if one day shes not 100% happy? Or you two have a row?
Honestly OP from what you describe I can only see this one ending in disaster.
Sorry.

msg11

So she has gone from one relationship with a guy who she was cheating on with yourself, into a relationship with yourself.

I personally have always thought these type of relationships never work out, due to the way in which the foundations are built IE someone cheating to see the other person. Thus creating your first issue, the issue of trust and you getting a little worried about what she is doing when your not there.

There is two ways this can go in my eyes.

You trust her and stay with her.

You don't trust her and stay away from her.

curlzy

Wow, so Karma has caught up with you? You cheated and now you suspect you're being cheated on? Or may be in future. TBH (having never cheated myself) I could never be comfortable being in a relationship built on what yours is built on. In your situation I think (I can only imagine) I would call it a day and walk away. If she mentioned liking that guy and says she won't cheat I'd imagine it's because it's in her head alot. So yeah, do you love her madly? If so, then keep it going. If not, save yourself alot of drama and walk away. It doesn't sound like ye are terribly compatible anyways. Then work on being the type of trustworthy person you yourself would like to find.

Lorna123

It sounds to me like this girl is very immature. She is not ready for a serious relationship and is playing you like mad. Telling you she fancies a guy in work but won't do anything about it is a total insult. She obviously is very insecure and doesn't trust that you will be faithful to her and she is letting you know in advance that she is not totally committed to you anyway. I can see a lot of heart ache ahead in this relationship.

It is not that I don't think this girl is attracted to you but she is playing the field and if someone more tasty comes along then you are history. I don't know what the answer is OP. She could be just insecure and wants to see how far she can go before you dump her. She could be trying to make you jealous just to see how much you care. I don't know the psyche of girls like this. Maybe if you talk to her about what you expect in a relationship emphasizing that you don't expect her to tell you that she fancies others as you feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful. See how she reacts but if she gives you a hint that she is back to her old tricks I would be gone in a flash.

HelloGiggles

So basically she seemed great when her cheating was someone else's problem, but now it could potentially be your problem.

If you're 29 and looking for a wife and kids eventually then just leave her be.She obviously isn't looking for the same thing. If her cheating is on your mind now, it probably isn't going to get any better..And if you did end up having a child with her, do you really need that on your mind? ( I know that harsh but speaking from experience).

When I was single and just sort of dating people, if a guy mentioned to me that he had cheated in the past, I was done. For me it's a deal breaker. I know sometimes people make mistakes,regret it and never do it again, but personally I couldn't feel secure in a relationship if that thought was in my mind.

I'm 22 myself and I've been with my boyfriend nearly a year. I wouldn't dream of cheating on him, he is everything i've ever wanted.. I have no problem with him going out on nights out if i'm not there because I trust him And i'd like to think he feels the same about me.

I'd say cut your losses and move on and wait for someone with the same values as yourself. You knew what she was like if she cheated on her boyfriend with you. It will only be a matter of time before you know how that guy felt.

move on!

dannyc31

Value wise im probably into wife and kids, she does not view this as important

enough said. you dont really need any advice here as you have answered your own question. the girl is too young for you mature wise that is. she is 23 and enjoys partying and so she should she is a young woman.

you on the other hand are a man approaching 30 and feeling you want to settle down soon. there is no way these two positions are compatible.

her mention of the cheating in the past is her unconsciously letting you know not to get the wrong idea about this relationship, that she is having fun and enjoying herself but dont be expecting her to give up her party lifestyle and become a wife and mother any time soon.

my advice would be to keep having fun with her if you are happy with that, but if it is the case that you want something more stable i would say start pulling back now before you get hurt.

rodom

Hope it works out!

jdsk2006

She is very young op and is clearly nowhere near marraige kids and pension plans - if your gut tells you not to trust a situation then dont trust it.

meeeeh

There are two separate issues. If you want family now then probably she is not a girl for you. If wife and kids are somewhere in the future, she could be.

As for cheating, no matter what people say there is always chance somebody will cheat on you or hurt in another way. The only risk free option is being single. Btw only a liar will say that they were never attracted to anybody else but their partner. Most people though keep it to themselves.