Nearing Depression

LegacyUser

Hi,

Although this starts out with relationship issues, it's mainly personal issues so please bare with me

A girl I was seeing recently ended things with me in order to get back with her ex. When she realised that she was the last person I had whom I cared about outside of my family, she offered to take me out for a meal to celebrate. She told me about this, got my hopes up and everything but it turned out that she was fighting with the ex at the time and now it won't be happening.

The reason she gave me for breaking up with me was because I had an excellent education, a good job and that I'm "out of her league" because she thinks she's a waster. She thinks this because she has a child (I don't care about that), she doesn't have as good an education as me nor does she have as a good a job as me. This is all HER opinion, not mine. I'm of the opinion that none of that matters and what matters is how good 2 people make each other feel.

My birthday is coming up soon. All my friends have moved away and it's the first time in my life that I won't have anyone to celebrate it with or to even go for a few pints with.

It's not just my birthday but I'm also extremely unhappy with almost every aspect of my life. I'm not happy in my job, I don't go out at the weekends or even during the week due to having no one to go out with, I play a certain sport but there's no one near my age whom I could befriend.

I feel like absolute crap and have done for nearly 2 years but things are only getting worse recently with all this happening. I have even cried myself to sleep a few nights this and last week.

I suppose I'm moreso venting here rather than looking for advice but if anyone has some, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

NearingDepression

NearingDepression wrote: »

Hi,

Although this starts out with relationship issues, it's mainly personal issues so please bare with me

A girl I was seeing recently ended things with me in order to get back with her ex. When she realised that she was the last person I had whom I cared about outside of my family, she offered to take me out for a meal to celebrate. She told me about this, got my hopes up and everything but it turned out that she was fighting with the ex at the time and now it won't be happening.

The reason she gave me for breaking up with me was because I had an excellent education, a good job and that I'm "out of her league" because she thinks she's a waster. She thinks this because she has a child (I don't care about that), she doesn't have as good an education as me nor does she have as a good a job as me. This is all HER opinion, not mine. I'm of the opinion that none of that matters and what matters is how good 2 people make each other feel.

My birthday is coming up soon. All my friends have moved away and it's the first time in my life that I won't have anyone to celebrate it with or to even go for a few pints with.

It's not just my birthday but I'm also extremely unhappy with almost every aspect of my life. I'm not happy in my job, I don't go out at the weekends or even during the week due to having no one to go out with, I play a certain sport but there's no one near my age whom I could befriend.

I feel like absolute crap and have done for nearly 2 years but things are only getting worse recently with all this happening. I have even cried myself to sleep a few nights this and last week.

I suppose I'm moreso venting here rather than looking for advice but if anyone has some, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

She broke up with you to get back with her ex. She's saying you're out of her league because she's trying to soften the blow. Cut ALL contact, don't be getting your hopes up and getting let down, its the last thing you need, and so is a girl who wants her ex, but wants your attention too. Do not make her feel better about herself at the expense of how you feel about yourself.

Now get to work on the rest of your life. What are your social outlets? You say you have a good job, does your workplace have a social club? Do your colleagues go for a few drinks on a thursday or friday after work? Start going along to any social occasion you can to try widen your circle. If you get along with your colleagues, suggest a few drinks or a meal or an outing.

If none of those things are an option, try joining a club. If you like sport, try tag rugby or whatever you fancy. If you don't want to do that, join a book club or something else you'd be interested in. Just try to widen your circle, not look for a girlfriend.

If your confidence is low, start looking at yourself. Would you benefit from joining a gym? If we feel good about ourselves physically we feel better about everything. It'll get you out and you'll find your self esteem increasing, making you happier. Does your diet need improving? Eating junk makes us feel bad in all kinds of ways, could you improve on that?

If you start a program of improving your life, give it time. It took a long time for you to feel like this and you aren't going to reverse it in a few weeks. Work on it. If, after taking control of everything like this, you feel you just aren't getting any joy from life, go see your doctor and discuss your feelings with him/her.

Every effort you put into improving your social life and your self esteem will benefit every area of your life. It'll certainly be better than crying yourself to sleep. Taking control of your feelings and working towards feeling better in a very proactive way is very empowering, and you'll never regret it.

Best of luck with the future.

skyfall2012

You are really better off not being in a relationship while you are working through this you need to focus on yourself, otherwise your relationship can become a sort of an unhealthy dependant relationship(hope this makes sense), using them to make you feel better etc. Work on yourself as above poster suggests.

LegacyUser

You know what? You ARE out of her league, as in you are a much better person morally than her. (going only on what you wrote)
She didn't care about the other stuff until she had her ex to jump back on, you are better of without her. Other people have given you some advice about the social improvements you could make and I wish you well.

MetzgerMeister

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going reg'd because I see there is support here whereas I thought that my problems were only petty compared to some other things in this forum and to a certain extent, they are. Also, if going reg'd helps at least one other person to open up (even as un reg'd) then it's worth it.

Candie - the job itself is good but the environment isn't. There's a lot of tension here that I feel every morning I walk in the door. None of it is to do with me but with colleagues. The only time we go for drinks is for our Christmas meal and even at that, there's not much drinking done. I don't really drink anyway so it doesn't bother me. It's a small enough company so there's no social aspect to it in that regard.

I play squash but I am also going to be joining the local gym to get my fitness up for it. That will be another outlet and something to take my mind off things. There's not really anyone in my squash club my age either so that doesn't help. I gave up smoking recently and replaced it with junk food but I have stopped that now as I don't feel the need to substitute my cravings anymore.

I never actively "look" for a girlfriend. That's how people get into trouble and get hurt. Always better off to let it happen naturally if it's going to happen at all.

skyfall - I have every intention of working on myself. It will be hard work but the easy things in life are rarely worth it.

oohl - How do you make that assumption by what I wrote? I wouldn't have seen that

Merkin

Don't ever get into a situation where you think having someone is better than having no-one. Don't be that person who chooses a totally unsuitable partner because of desperation or out of loneliness - being with wrong person will only compound your loneliness. I'd cut this one loose and concentrate on building your social network/friends rather than wasting time on a non runner.

MetzgerMeister

MetzgerMeister wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies. I'm going reg'd because I see there is support here whereas I thought that my problems were only petty compared to some other things in this forum and to a certain extent, they are. Also, if going reg'd helps at least one other person to open up (even as un reg'd) then it's worth it.

Candie - the job itself is good but the environment isn't. There's a lot of tension here that I feel every morning I walk in the door. None of it is to do with me but with colleagues. The only time we go for drinks is for our Christmas meal and even at that, there's not much drinking done. I don't really drink anyway so it doesn't bother me. It's a small enough company so there's no social aspect to it in that regard.

I play squash but I am also going to be joining the local gym to get my fitness up for it. That will be another outlet and something to take my mind off things. There's not really anyone in my squash club my age either so that doesn't help. I gave up smoking recently and replaced it with junk food but I have stopped that now as I don't feel the need to substitute my cravings anymore.

I never actively "look" for a girlfriend. That's how people get into trouble and get hurt. Always better off to let it happen naturally if it's going to happen at all.

skyfall - I have every intention of working on myself. It will be hard work but the easy things in life are rarely worth it.

oohl - How do you make that assumption by what I wrote? I wouldn't have seen that

Congratulations on quitting smoking and all the other positive things you're doing with your life. You really should feel very proud of yourself.

I'm not a drinker either so I can identify with the whole work social thing, and its a pity it doesn't offer more in the way of a social outlet. I think your attitude is spot on.

Just keep out of contact with this girl. Delete her number and emails and defriend her on facebook. You're doing great and you'll get there, and I wish you the very best.

MetzgerMeister

I've been off the cigs since June and I'm all the better for it. My plan was always to get off them and get fit again like I used be before I started smoking 10 years ago.