Still tough 4 years on

lmahoney79

My Mam died 4 years ago from cancer. We were very close, one of my best friends. Is it normal that its still so raw and heartbreaking sometimes? I know ill never get over it and sometimes I only have to mention her name or have a thought of her and I'm in tears. Still find it hard to accept sometimes. Do I need to talk to a professional about this or is it normal?

Taltos

Sounds normal enough. Death is not something you ever really get over, it is something you learn to deal with and accept.
Saying that - if you think talking to a bereavement counselor would be good for you - then I think you should get some recommendations and talk to someone.

My personal opinion here is that after 4 years if you find you are regularly "stuck" back in that moment then yes, talk to someone. Don't just go the once though, inevitably all of your feelings of loss will resurface and after your first session or two you might actually feel worse, but after a few sessions you will turn a corner hopefully. There is nothing wrong with still missing your mum, I still miss my dad after 13yrs, but if it is holding you back then for yourself you should seek advice.

horsemaster

I am very sorry. I hope you feel better soon. I think it is normal what you are feeling now. Even 20 years later, people still shed (including me) shed tears over the loss of someone they lost. I think nobody ever forgets, and the hurt is always there. In time, the hurt gets less and that makes things a bit better. I think if you feel that this is something that is hurting you too much, then professional help is an option you should think about. We all feel pain we loss someone we love. Sometimes it hurts more for some than others. Please seek help if it is something you can't handle the hurt. Lots of help out there.

RossFixxxed

Definitely agree with the above. Still, nearly 18 years later after a profound loss I still get upset and cry about it from time to time.

If you can't handle how bad it is, or feel like you're going to lose it, OR if you find yourself drawn to drink / drugs to handle it then I would 100% recommend seeing a professional before going down that road. It ends badly, believe me. If the quality of your life is impacted, same thing go seek help.

However, it is entirely natural to still be very very upset. It's a sad, awful thing and wounds like that never fully heal.

NIMAN

Lost my dad nearly 20yrs ago, and although I could be fine for months on end, I still get the odd day when it really hits home, and I miss him more than anything.

I never expect that feeling to go away for good... it will always be there.

witchgirl26

I lost my dad just over 4 years ago and sometimes still find it very hard to deal with but those times are becoming less.

I agree with what the others have said - if you feel it's right for you, then definately talk to someone. I know my mam didn't go to a councellor until almost 2 years had passed. Sometimes it takes time to even get to that stage where you can talk to someone.