Falling in love with course tutor need advice

LegacyUser

Yeah so I've been doing a 68 week course since July of this year and the course tutor is absolutely gorgeous and I think I'm falling in love with her. Today with out hearing this song in years I suddenly started singing in my head that Frankie Valli song can't take my eyes off of you. The last time I sang a love song in my head like that was 15 years ago when I fell in love with the one woman in my life that I let get away and that fact has killed me inside ever since.

Well this is where the problem lies now. This woman is my tutor and even though I don't know if she feels the same even though the signs are there I'm pretty sure student tutor relationships are forbidden and because of that I can't ask her out or talk to her about my feelings even though I know if I don't do something I'll be kicking myself again for the next 15 years. Does anyone have any advice they can give me.

RoscommonTom

Say it to her, lifes too short not too

baldbear

Do you know if shes in a relationship? What was the story with the last woman you fell in love with? Could this tutor just be a nice person and you are reading too much into it?

LegacyUser

Well I'm not 100% sure that shes single but others in the class know her and said she is. Also the story with the last girl was we were great friends and always hung around with each other except I had problems with drugs as a teen and I let her get away because I couldn't clean up my act( She was the main reason I finally did go clean because I realised what I missed and both of us went our different way by then and don't share any looks when we see each other around) Its funny because this tutor has a very simular personality to the last girl.

As for reading to much into it. I have though of that and it could be an overraction but I'm also an observant guy. I see how she reacts with other course students especially when they look her in the eyes. When I look her dead in the eyes she shyly looks away and puts on this cute smile with her eyes focused on the ground and sometimes I catch her brushing her hair with her hand after speaking to me which she doesn't do with anyone else so if they aren't signs of interest then I really have no clue about reading woman. There was also a day where she sat down beside me to show me how to do sometime and she slowly move closer to me bit by bit until our shoulders were touching. This is what the last girl did with me before we told each other how we felt about each other.

cantdecide

First things first, she'd allowed be a nice person. There isn't a better reason to fall for someone after all but for your own emotional health, stop reading things into it.

You're clearly not a kid and neither is she. I understand your anxiety over the last girl that got away. I'd suggest you'll have to come up with a way of putting this to bed once and for all. If you do this well enough, the worst that will happen is you'll swap blushes for heartache.

What I would do, personally; if you are likely to speak to her one to one, you could ask if she has has a bf straight out. Don't spring it on her mid sentence. Be sweet about it. She could lie and say she does or she might make your day.

CaraMay

Op you sound a bit obsessed here. Do you have a somewhat obsessive personality? Even if the girl is single it doesn't mean she wants a relationship so I think you need to measure your expectations here. It's probable very unlikely she will go out with a student tbh

Lorna123

It is very common for students to fall for tutors. I would not ask her out while you are doing this course. If there is a get together at the end of the course you could just say you will miss her when the course is over, something like that and see what she says. Tutors are always nice to their students so don't read too much into that. She could know you fancy her and just be fliriting back with you but that doesn't mean she would go out with you. If I were you I would wait this one out until the end of the course.

DirkVoodoo

adviceisneededs wrote: »

As for reading to much into it. I have though of that and it could be an overraction but I'm also an observant guy. I see how she reacts with other course students especially when they look her in the eyes. When I look her dead in the eyes she shyly looks away and puts on this cute smile with her eyes focused on the ground and sometimes I catch her brushing her hair with her hand after speaking to me which she doesn't do with anyone else so if they aren't signs of interest then I really have no clue about reading woman. There was also a day where she sat down beside me to show me how to do sometime and she slowly move closer to me bit by bit until our shoulders were touching. This is what the last girl did with me before we told each other how we felt about each other.

Firstly, glad to hear that you turned your life around. But please don't do the above. I've spent some of the best years of my life wasting my time on girls who weren't interested because I did this kind of "projection". Don't read into all that body language rubbish, you'll drive yourself mental! Oh, she flicked her hair, oh she's sitting with her legs facing me...etc.

You need to ask her out, straight up. She'll either say "yes", "no" or "I would but it's not appropriate/allowed" and then you can decide what to do. Don't waste any more of your life trying to "decode" signals.

She is not the last girl, again this is projecting and it's easy to see the things we want to see.

I hope she is attracted to you and it works out though. But ask her!

curlzy

Hey OP,

TBH you sound creepy and you're clutching at straws. She could be looking away and smiling because she thinks you're a nut, because she's thought of something funny, is embarressed by your staring or is thinking of her bf etc. Brushing her hair with her hand, eh I do that all the time, doesn't mean I'm attracted to someone. She was sitting close to you because she was showing you something.

You need to get a grip here and stop obsessing, which is what it sounds like you're doing. Read up on the rules of the teacher/student relationships where you're doing the course. If it's forbidden then forget about it until you graduate, then perhaps ask her out and take her at her word i.e. if she says no then leave her alone completely. If it's not forbidden then ask her out and take her at her word.

Again, either way, you need to stop obsessing, you sound kinda scary and creepy, which hopefully you're not, but you wouldn't want to turn into a creep would you? Just to clarify, it's creepy to interpret someone's attraction to you without ever having raised the subject with them. They get to say who they're attracted to, it's not for you to decide based on things like body language.

Best of luck with it.

Oryx

If you posted saying you were 15 youd probably get told you have a crush. Because honest to god, that is what it reads like. This really cute woman you see every day who reminds you of an old flame.

You still have regrets over the one that got away, but as youve been told, this girl isnt her. She may have similarities but you really are making quite a big thing out of them. I have to admit, your description of her brushing her hair and blushing and such, was a little cringeworthy, more like someone who is looking madly for signs, rather than the signs actually being there. If brushing your hair back and blushing are flirtatious signs, then I flirt all day long!

It could well be that this girl is interested, but the only way to know is to ask her out. She certainly doesnt dislike you, but its hard to say from here how much is just good teaching practice and interest in you as a student. I wish you luck with it and hope it works out. If you do ask, and get turned down, at least you will know the answer, and you will have tried.

PS. Youre not falling in love with her... you cant fall in love with someone you dont even know properly. You fancy her like crazy, yeah, but please dont turn it into loves young dream before you even have a date.

LegacyUser

Ah for one I'm not a creep, I just asked for advice on what to do. I've been in the dating game for some years and I know what signs to look for. They've never let me down before and I never approach woman without getting at least 2 different signs off her. Theres also days when she can't stop talking to me and then ignores me like I killed her dog or something the next day and if that ain't a sign then all my exs have lied to me

Its also hard to pick your words when trying to explain events like this without sounding like a creep but I definitely ain't a creep and for your information, part of the course is how to communicate with others while keeping eye contact and using gestures. This is the main part where she breaks eye contact and smiles with me while being able to hold it with others. Its not like I'm staring at her all day like a complete nutter. I only stare when I have to.

I've decided to do nothing and just get on in the course. Theirs a full year and a bit left of this course and the last thing I want to do is complicate things on the course.

LegacyUser

OP - Your last post pretty much summarises what I wanted to highlight.
That you fancy her is one thing .... but what if you ask her out and she refuses .... it would make it awkward for her to be your tutor and you the student for the next year or so ...
I would wait to the end of the program before moving ahead with your intent ... unless something happens 'naturally' between you.

Best of luck !

jimmycrackcorm

RoscommonTom wrote: »

Say it to her, lifes too short not too

Absolutely don't. Consider from her point of view that any hint of unprofessional-ism could get her fired - then consider that every year she probably will get one or more students like you.