Bride sending out warnings not to get drunk??

slowmoe

Just wondering if this is a regular thing? I'm going to a wedding in about a month. The bride would be a pretty big drinker herself. She's sent out fb msgs/texts to warn people off getting too drunk, and in some cases used examples of when the person receiving the text got too drunk. I'm not a person who gets drunk usually, more a tipsy merry person but its annoyed me a bit. The others are ignoring it and saying they'll do whatever they please. IS this normal or a bit ott?

g'em

It's normal enough... if you're a control freak.

What a horribly passive aggressive thing to do, bringing people's past misdemeanors into it. Jesus, I'd be tempted to put together a compilation of all the photos of her legless and show it at the reception :pac:

Ignore it and put it down to pre-wedding nerves/ bridezilla tendencies. She can't stop people having a good time, nor should she.

seamus

No, it's totally not normal. It's conceivable that she has some late night surprise planned for the guests and doesn't want anyone to miss it, but if that was the case one would think she'd just say that. I've never heard of a bride asking her guests to not get drunk. That's beyond ridiculous. I'd go get completely smashed just to spite her

Cork981

That would certainly annoy me, never heard of something like that everyone should get severely hammered

rainbowtrout

I thought I'd heard it all with regard to weddings until I read that post. No, it's not normal behaviour. She can't control how much people drink at a wedding unless she asks the hotel not to serve alcohol in the bar (not likely!).

Reminding people of times when they are drunk is a form of personal attack and really ignorant.

I'd be with seamus on this one, I'd be out to get completely hammered if I got that text, out of pure spite.

seamus

g'em wrote: »

Ignore it and put it down to pre-wedding nerves/ bridezilla tendencies.

This is probably best actually.

Weddings are the one time in a person's life when the good, the bad and the ugly parts of your social circle all converge, and then mix with your partner's equally ragtag bunch.

Some people do freak out about what'll happen when their teetotalling nun Aunt Mary comes face-to-face with Jane in her knee-high boots and see-through top, out of her tree and offering pills on the dancefloor. But I've never heard of anyone go as far as try to control their guests behaviour.

jomc

We went to a wedding last year where the bride casually asked about two weeks before what my oh was wearing. Oh said she couldn't decide between two dresses, bride said show them to me and i will tell you which you're allowed wear!!! :eek:


One guest wore a white dress and the bride called her out on it at the drinks reception, even asking her to go and change into another outfit she surely had!

Vojera

Never heard of that before and I hope I never hear of it again.

It seems to me that brides tend to fall into one of two categories: 1) The "This is great, I'm getting everyone I care about all in the same place, I hope everyone has a good time"-bride and the (thankfully rarer) 2) "This is MY special day, I'm going to really shine, I hope no one ruins it for ME"-bride. Generalising, of course.

This person definitely seems like the second type, more focussed on HER day than everyone enjoying themselves. Not that you need to get legless to have a good time, but even mentioning that you don't want people getting too drunk will put a bit of a dampener on people's spirits IMO.

Sleepy

I'm going to play Devils advocate here and say that I can see where this could be warranted on individual cases e.g. Please make sure Auntie Noreen doesn't get polluted and start hurling abuse at people like she did at Cousin Mary's wedding...

A general text to all guests would be insane (though a "please note this will be an alcohol free wedding" would be acceptable imo) but I can certainly picture cases where a couple may consider it necessary to ask certain people to behave themselves for the comfort of their other guests.

anncoates

The request is rude enough but citing past incidents is really ignorant. I'd be tempted not to go, personally.

ResearchWill

jomc wrote: »

We went to a wedding last year where the bride casually asked about two weeks before what my oh was wearing. Oh said she couldn't decide between two dresses, bride said show them to me and i will tell you which you're allowed wear!!! :eek:


One guest wore a white dress and the bride called her out on it at the drinks reception, even asking her to go and change into another outfit she surely had!

While the bride was out of order, I thought it was a convention that no one but a bride wears white at a wedding.

In relation to the OP, I would be so tempted to send a card giving my regrets giving the reason I get hopelessly drunk at such occasions so would rather not go.

loveisdivine

I think it is OTT. However, I have asked the best man to keep an eye on a certain person who usually gets way too drunk and behaves like a complete dick. Maybe shes just really paranoid or something.

marialouise

ResearchWill wrote: »

In relation to the OP, I would be so tempted to send a card giving my regrets giving the reason I get hopelessly drunk at such occasions so would rather not go.

This made me laugh so much - I'd love to throw that in her face! What a ridiculous request!

cute_cow

Never heard of that before, and not something I would ask people when coming to our wedding.
If people wanna get drunk, leave them at it!

angeldelight

Try not to let it bother you - she's probably just panicking and is thinking of all the worst case scenarios that could happen on the day.

Gatica

agreed, I don't think it's necessarily that malicious. Citing previous instances is a bit petty, but she's probably trying to justify her controlling behaviour.

It depends on the people going, some people really do get out of control when drunk, so depends how rowdy the crowd she's inviting is. She may be trying to keep the "peace" between family and friends so that the aunties won't be afterwards bitching about what bunch of drunken to**ers their friends are.

Write it off as bridezilla behaviour, that she wouldn't be showing if it were not her wedding. She'll stress, but hopefully by the end of the night will be enjoying it herself too much to care about other people's drinking.

Chocoholic84

As someone else said, yeah it's totally normal....if you're a psycho control freakazoid! I never heard the likes...the generic don't get drunk message is bad enough but personalising it with incidents in which each guest got legless...it's actually really funny

I'd love to send back the RSVP saying "Are you sure you should turn up so...", and THEN cite all HER previous drunken antics

tatli_lokma

Or just reply, 'ah sure you don't need to worry about me - I wasn't planning on drinking anyway, I have a big bag of coke an a few speed tabs instead! It'll be a long day, and drink just makes you tired'

Would love to see her reaction to that!

lazygal

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and suggest she wants to get a message out to one person without singling them out. We did this with regards to children. There's one couple we know who are surgically attached to their children, so we had a line in the invites saying it was a night off for mums and dads and also dropped a lot of hints about how the parents would be able to 'let their hair down' not having to worry about their children on the day.


We have relatives on both sides who have been known to overdo it. We had a free bar and only afterwards did we find out other relatives kept a sharp eye on the heavy drinkers to make sure they didn't do anything to upset us. We were blissfully ignorant of this!

So I read this as wanting to let a serial offender with the drink know that it would be upsetting to have the couple's day spoiled without targeting said offender feel they are having the finger pointed at them.

rainbowtrout

lazygal wrote: »

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and suggest she wants to get a message out to one person without singling them out. We did this with regards to children. There's one couple we know who are surgically attached to their children, so we had a line in the invites saying it was a night off for mums and dads and also dropped a lot of hints about how the parents would be able to 'let their hair down' not having to worry about their children on the day.


We have relatives on both sides who have been known to overdo it. We had a free bar and only afterwards did we find out other relatives kept a sharp eye on the heavy drinkers to make sure they didn't do anything to upset us. We were blissfully ignorant of this!

So I read this as wanting to let a serial offender with the drink know that it would be upsetting to have the couple's day spoiled without targeting said offender feel they are having the finger pointed at them.

Those are two different scenarios though. In your case the children were uninvited, you are not out of line telling people to leave their children at home when they are not invited. It's a different story sending someone a text reminding them of their past misdemeanours and not to repeat it at the upcoming wedding.

tatli_lokma

I agree with above....it is very different to have a discreet word with a few relatives and ask them to keep an eye on so-and-so. Sending out facebook messages and texts to a blanket number of guests telling them to behave themselves is rude and patronising. It is a social occasion, not a work do, you should not be given guidelines for behaviour. You can't invite people and then tell them to modify their behaviour. If the B&G have a particular issue with how some people conduct themselves in social settings, then B&G shouldn't have invited them in the first place.

Sounds to me that the bride is probably more concerned about her own past indescretions and might be worried that with a few drinks and loose lips, that prim Aunty Mary might get a new insight into her niece thanks to her mates. If that is the case and your mates embarrass you or might blow your cover, then elope and spare the rest of the world your controlling and patronising admonishments.

MrCreosote

Am I the only one who thinks it's a reasonable request (maybe without the individual specifics)?

People will respect and follow a dress code, why not a behaviour code? A wedding, like any social event in Ireland, has a high chance of being ruined by drunk idiots. Why not try to minimise the chances of that?

CaraMay

Does she not realise that other peoples weddings (like other peoples kids) are only barely enjoyable so you have to get hammered. In saying that, its the height of bad manners to act the way she has acted. 50% reduction in spend on their wedding present is warranted.

I agree with replying to her asking whether or not she should attend so and siting some of her less than sober moments.

tatli_lokma

MrCreosote wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks it's a reasonable request (maybe without the individual specifics)?

People will respect and follow a dress code, why not a behaviour code? A wedding, like any social event in Ireland, has a high chance of being ruined by drunk idiots. Why not try to minimise the chances of that?

If that is your worry, then one could ask, why invite these 'idiots' as you so nicely put it? If they are friends, you invite them and know what to expect. If you would rather avoid said behaviour, then have a smaller wedding and only invite those you know will behave as you wish.

That sounds a bit like telling people, you are good enough to be a mate when I want a laugh and a night out but you are not well behaved enough to attend my wedding, so I need to tell you how to behave! :eek:

If its only one or two people, then ask other mates who understand your concerns to keep an eye on the ones you are worried about. But Op's mate has sent a blanket and patronising message to all her friends telling them how to behave. I think she would benefit from someone telling her how to behave.

clint_silver

CaraMay wrote: »

Does she not realise that other peoples weddings (like other peoples kids) are only barely enjoyable so you have to get hammered. .

as always with comments like this, its completely subjective. While some mediocre weddings do occur, and they're painful when they do, they're in the minority for me.
Ive been to some that would invigorate you for months after with the enjoyment factor that was generated from them. yes there's drink taken, but for me, at the best weddings, drink is not the main factor.

MrCreosote

Little Ted wrote: »

If that is your worry, then one could ask, why invite these 'idiots' as you so nicely put it? If they are friends, you invite them and know what to expect. If you would rather avoid said behaviour, then have a smaller wedding and only invite those you know will behave as you wish.

That's a fair point.

I wonder if there are people she doesn't want to invite, but doesn't want to deal with the fallout of telling them why she didn't invite them.

tatli_lokma

That's what I thought also.....but then why send this message to so many, rather than tactfully ask a few friends to keep an eye on these few others.

Then I thought, perhaps she is sending out a blanket message, rather than offend the one or two trouble makers and making a big issue.

Or she's just a control freak, who thinks the normal behaviour of her mates is good enough on a Saturday night, but for some reason because it is her wedding day they now need to be on their best behaviour.

Either way, how she has handled it has backfired and only caused more offence to more people, than not inviting a few would have.

OKvintage

I'm just wondering if this is all about the Bride herself - OP mentioned she's a pretty big drinker so maybe she'd heard a few comments along the lines of Nothing Worse than a Drunk Bride and snapped with a major Bridezilla overload - or thinks that if she can control the overall vibe of the day she might find it easier to behave herslf. The past incidence thing is so uncool!

slowmoe

Thanks for all the comments, not sure what the craic is as she definitely knows how to enjoy herself, and when you're falling down would always be first to be throwing shots into you and go looking for the cure first thing in the morning. I know a few of the people who got the messages are pretty hurt by it because on a normal night when you're not drinking a lot she's be trying to get you to drink more and then when you get drunk she's using it against people now. I think the general feeling is that the fun of the wedding has been sucked out now

who_me

Little Ted wrote: »

If that is your worry, then one could ask, why invite these 'idiots' as you so nicely put it? If they are friends, you invite them and know what to expect. If you would rather avoid said behaviour, then have a smaller wedding and only invite those you know will behave as you wish.

Indeed.

Better to not invite them; than invite then, informing them you don't like their behaviour (and possibly think they're idiots), highlighting previous behaviour and demanding they change. I think most people would prefer to be not invited in that situation.

OTOH, it would be funny if the bride was justified in this situation. e.g. if the groom's family were ridiculous drunks who at previous weddings got sick on the meal table and had a wee in the corner... :P

Is there any chance the request was a joke, taken as a serious comment?

tatli_lokma

who_me wrote: »

OTOH, it would be funny if the bride was justified in this situation. e.g. if the groom's family were ridiculous drunks who at previous weddings got sick on the meal table and had a wee in the corner... :P

Is there any chance the request was a joke, taken as a serious comment?

so then have a really small wedding - i.e just you and him and a pair of witnesses! lol

I still reckon, given the bride's usual behaviour, that she is more afraid that her mates will show her up to family members who don't realise what she is like when it comes to parties. Possibly it could even be the groom that doesn't realise. She probably realises that if her mates act at the wedding as they would on a night out with her then relatives who thought she was a 'lovely quiet girl' might realise that is not the case. Could also be that she is afraid that with drink and loose tongues some of her former indescretions might become the subject of drunken banter.

Either way, its pretty inexcusable in my book. Its downright rude. Either invite your friends as they are, or have a small wedding. But telling people how they must behave is the height of bad manners.

John Mason

who_me wrote: »

and had a wee in the corner... :P

?

that just reminded me, i was at wedding in October and someone done this!!

username123

If the bride doesnt want people getting drunk then why invite them to an event that has a bar?

Sounds like that wedding is going to be a barrel of laughs. Simple answer, tell her to enjoy her long boring day without your presence.