need peoples thoughts on a few thing i have on my mind

dancesatnight

my self and the girlfriend moved in together after 5 monthes most due to i couldnt live at home any more and she needed to move out of her place.

so we havent been getting along really. there have been no real fight bar one when i got drunk coz i was upset about stuff she said and the ways she has been acting

she has been selfish with money and in the bed room since we moved in together. i got a fantastic job which i love and pays a lot more then hers she didnt really congratulate me at all she just said via txt when i told her thats great. are sex life has pretty much gone down the crapper. it has gone from every day to twice since we moved in together 7 weeks ago. i injuried my self in an accident and am making a pi claim and she wants me to take both of us away oh a very expensive holiday. i just feel used basically. on top of that she went to her christmas party and slept beside a guy from her work she hasnt said if they did any thing but she got drunk the other night and said when we were in bed she didnt get cuddles. i read some messages on her phone when she was in the shower and they lead towards she slept with him "hangover sex". i am the lease hold and wondering if i have the right to ask her to leave and take her stuff and her cat. i know she cant afford to move somewhere else as she i in alot od edt to her last landlord and moving home isnt an option. i dont trust her at all now.

Strawberry Fields

So your gf slept with someone she works with but you're not sure if they did the deed? Does it matter? Cheating is cheating, and you could drive yourself mad wondering what went on in someone elses bedroom.

In terms of the rent, either she can leave or you can leave. You leave you might lose your deposit. Landlord and tenant law is complex, speak to the landlord see what his position is, and contact your local FLAC. It's free legal advice, but do it before you ocupy 6 months or the rules become even more complex.

http://www.flac.ie/gethelp/legaladvicecentres/centresmap.html

Overall she sounds quite immature and it seems you rushed into living with her because you were getting some action. Also if she is in debt to her previous landlord because she moved in with you that is also something you may want to consider from her side.

Best of luck op I'm sure there'll be other replies.

clarbar

sounds like your being taken for a mug op, I feel sorry for you get out of that relationship before it gets any worse. You do not deserve to be used like this not one bit, she seems to be actually depleting sex in general. even if she hasn't cheated it is still emotional cheating which can be as horrible as the physical thing! Hope you get out of there soon and find someone better

dancesatnight

its very tiring emotionally on a daily basis to be totally honest and im not there to bail her out and support her.say that she has pretty much made me feel like that to add to this my small personal internet business i have she is now calling our business and telling me how to run it. thanks for all the helpful advise ive been on the fence about it and need to get an outside opinion. i didnt feel comfortable talking to my friends or family about it

downwesht

Sounds like she is a gold digger to me.She is looking forward to spending your money.
give citizens advice a call so that you know your rights.
Give her , her marching orders, you can do a lot better!

msg11

She has slept with someone else and you say yourself she has no where to go. My guess is this is why she is sticking around, I would be taking the high road on this one.

You don't mention much about happiness in your post and from the sounds of it your not happy.

sffc

Sadly I think we can pretty well say that the relationship is over . Its probably not that you moved in together too quickly - its just that you both did so for all the wrong reasons . Apart from this your life is going well , you have a new place and a new and better job . Don't blow it by trying to make a relationship with someone who doesn't really care about you . Thats the bottom line - she doesn't really care about you the person .
As regards the accomadation yes you have every right to ask her to leave if its your name on the lease . Even if she is " sharing the rent" she is paying it to you before you give it to the landlord so you are a her sub-landlord . In fairness you should give her some notice ...say a week or two but I doubt if you are obliged legally . Her money/accommdation worries are not your concern ...in fact I'm sorry to say this but they are probably the only reason she's with you at the moment . A fact you are aware of I think .
Get rid, move on and choose more wisely next time !

copeyhagen

i aint sayin she a gold digger, but she aint messin with no broke, broke...

get rid of her. and at least confront her about wherther or not she done the deed with the other lad so u will feel better about kicking her out.

<MOD SNIP> - posts like this will result in an immediate ban going forward

Taltos

copeyhagen - please read the charter before you post here again.
If we see similar posts from you it will result in a ban from PI.

Thanks
Taltos

dancesatnight

ive decided tonight is the night to break it off totally. i tried some more. we talked and she is still being snappy and negative. she also told me that i need to work on getting a job that pays enough so she can be a stay at home mom. she is not preggers or expecting. we had a scare she was 3 weeks late and only told me 2 days ago so now i know there is nothing inpending to worry about

i have two options both i am cool with.

1. i asked my perents is it ok if i moved home for a few weeks till i get paid and then move again and they said im always welcome and the room is always there for me. which means i can say if she wants to stay thats ok ill move and she can have my half of the deposit as my notice period.

2. she can go and ill stay in the apartment

ive spoken to my land lord and she is cool with lets call her gill staying in the apartment as long as she puts her name on the lease instead of mine. coz as soon as im gone from there i dont want any ties or anything that can come back on me.

how do i break the news to her ive never done this before let alone break up with someone ive always been the one being dumped. sorry for the silly questions but its all new and a bit scary

ManOfMystery

First off, you've made the right decision. I read your thread the other day (didn't reply as I felt the other posters had pretty much said everything you need to hear) but I couldn't believe the cheek of this girl - she is very open and brazenly taking you for a ride, and you're pretty much just a walking ATM to her. And now she's talking about having a kid and making it clear that she won't be working from that point on and you'll be funding everything? She has some nerve. I can almost guarantee you would not have a happy future if you went down a road where this woman ended up staying in your life milking you for all you're worth.

In terms of ending it - there's no book or instruction manual as no-one can say how people react to news like this. All I would advise is that you do it ASAP, be clear and concise, and just tell her you're not happy any more, your heart is no longer in the relationship and you don't see any future in it. Don't drag it out, don't make promises to soften the blow, don't tell her you might change your mind down the line.

And don't give in to emotional blackmail. You're about to cut off this girl's money supply, so expect tears/tantrums/threats/etc - just ignore it all. It won't be easy but once you end it, you have to switch off that part of you that cares and feels guilt ..... just for a while.

Good luck

dancesatnight

im actually pretty nervous about it coz she has made treats before about putting all my stuff on the other side of the door and locking it. if that happens im going to have to call in some serious favours with my family and friends to move it back home. i feel trapped and like im walking on egg shells not to annoy her in any way. which is surprisingly hard coz im a bit of a dope at times well ive been made feel that way. i should have seen something was wrong when i was told i wasnt allowed bring my tv. im a bit of a gamer so i have a pc and an xbox so ive have big screens for both and i have to pack away the pc after i use it. and the tv was plain no. im not upset about it being over ive dealt with that part its more of im really unsure of how she is going to react and the living arrangments. i paid the rent for the last month today so im up to date on that part now i guess ive just to bite the bullet and finalise things with her

Neyite

If you think she will damage or withhold your possessions then have a friend or two waiting outside. Break up with her and have them come in and help you move your belongings there and then. Clear the lot out.

By doing it this way, she is less likely to behave abusively towards you if others are present. If its too tough for her, she can always leave for an hour or two while you pack. Its not the nicest way to leave, but if she has threatened to damage your things then what else can you do?

Or, move everything you own while she is out. Then when she comes home, she has nothing to wreck or withhold and you can simply hand over your key, text the landlady to do up a new lease and off you go.

Make the break without any ambiguity - tell her you don't feel the same way about her anymore and that its over. Cite her sleeping with her colleague if you like (which even if it was just sleeping is very inappropriate and erodes trust)

Don't be talked into a temporary break or a friends with benefits situation. I wouldn't put it past her to try to get pregnant as a way to ensure you don't leave her so don't be tempted to have break-up sex either when you break up or shortly afterwards. And if she was to pull the pregnancy card, I'd be standing my ground for a DNA test if I were you.

Don't agree to continue as friends - friendship between exes can happen, but only after the break-up has faded somewhat, and both parties have moved on without any animosity. I cant see friendship in this case.

Don't reply to any further phone calls or texts after you leave.

iusedtoknow

I helped my sister in law in a sticky situation such as this.
The best thing you could do is to have a couple of mates close by (obviously not in with your while breaking up) that can come and grab everything you need to bring. My sister in law had two of us (We weren't big guys, but big enough that we could deal with things). One helping her the other keeping an eye on the guy (who is fairness was shellshocked so wasn't really needed, but based on passed experiences was a good idea)

We were in and out in 30 minutes.

Do not leave any ambiguities with the break up and walk away with your head high. For a few weeks you may need to screen your calls on your mobile etc but it'll be worth it. You're doing the right thing.

sffc

Neyite wrote: »

If you think she will damage or withhold your possessions then have a friend or two waiting outside. Break up with her and have them come in and help you move your belongings there and then. Clear the lot out.

By doing it this way, she is less likely to behave abusively towards you if others are present. If its too tough for her, she can always leave for an hour or two while you pack. Its not the nicest way to leave, but if she has threatened to damage your things then what else can you do?

Or, move everything you own while she is out. Then when she comes home, she has nothing to wreck or withhold and you can simply hand over your key, text the landlady to do up a new lease and off you go.

Make the break without any ambiguity - tell her you don't feel the same way about her anymore and that its over. Cite her sleeping with her colleague if you like (which even if it was just sleeping is very inappropriate and erodes trust)

Don't be talked into a temporary break or a friends with benefits situation. I wouldn't put it past her to try to get pregnant as a way to ensure you don't leave her so don't be tempted to have break-up sex either when you break up or shortly afterwards. And if she was to pull the pregnancy card, I'd be standing my ground for a DNA test if I were you.

Don't agree to continue as friends - friendship between exes can happen, but only after the break-up has faded somewhat, and both parties have moved on without any animosity. I cant see friendship in this case.

Don't reply to any further phone calls or texts after you leave.

Agree totally with all of above - just to re-iterate one piece of it - DO NOT sleep with her again under any circumstance no matter how tempting !!!!

ibarelycare

Neyite wrote: »

If you think she will damage or withhold your possessions then have a friend or two waiting outside. Break up with her and have them come in and help you move your belongings there and then. Clear the lot out.

By doing it this way, she is less likely to behave abusively towards you if others are present. If its too tough for her, she can always leave for an hour or two while you pack. Its not the nicest way to leave, but if she has threatened to damage your things then what else can you do?

Or, move everything you own while she is out. Then when she comes home, she has nothing to wreck or withhold and you can simply hand over your key, text the landlady to do up a new lease and off you go.

Make the break without any ambiguity - tell her you don't feel the same way about her anymore and that its over. Cite her sleeping with her colleague if you like (which even if it was just sleeping is very inappropriate and erodes trust)

Don't be talked into a temporary break or a friends with benefits situation. I wouldn't put it past her to try to get pregnant as a way to ensure you don't leave her so don't be tempted to have break-up sex either when you break up or shortly afterwards. And if she was to pull the pregnancy card, I'd be standing my ground for a DNA test if I were you.

Don't agree to continue as friends - friendship between exes can happen, but only after the break-up has faded somewhat, and both parties have moved on without any animosity. I cant see friendship in this case.

Don't reply to any further phone calls or texts after you leave.

I really think you should do this OP. Your (ex?) gf seems very controlling and manipulative and has walked all over you in the past. I really hope you remain strong tonight but I do think you should move your stuff out or at least have it ready to go while she's not there. That way the decision is final, there's not going to be any bargaining, she can't touch/threaten your stuff. This might mean putting it off for a day or two while you plan it but I think this is the best possible way you can go about things.

dancesatnight

was going to do it last night but a stomach bug kinda got in the way well the bathroom room and the sound of some evil spirit trying its hardiest to come out though any way possible. so tonight ill do it. i wont sleep with her again we went on a mini break well had a fight broke up got drunk like really drunk and then some how im not really sure how it happened but it did angry break up sex but it never end the realitionship it just sorta dragged out again to here basically