How to improve confidence

ladiesman216

I am a 29 year old single guy...with zero confidence!! I used to think I had something to offer to the opposite sex but I've really started to doubt that.
I have a good job, I'm fairly out going, easy to chat to, active, in good shape buti just can't seem to attract any girls.
I used to be told I was good looking but I havnt heard it much in the last year or 2 as my hairline has rapidly receded, and this has hit my confidence big time, I'm only 5'9 so no girl wants to be with a short bald guy :-(.
It gets me down a lot particularly when out and all I can see is tall dark guys everywhere...I don't even bother trying to talk to women, some of my friends are quiet good looking so they get a lot of attention but these girls don't even look twice at me! Now I don't go moping around with a sad face on my in a nightclub in fact I don't even bother trying to score I just want to have a laugh with my friends but the day after I find myself fairly down!
It's a vicious cycle as I know women are attracted to confidence but how do I get my confidence back??

Ps I'm not into one night stands, I want to meet someone with a view to a relationship

BraziliaNZ

ladiesman216 wrote: »

I am a 29 year old single guy...with zero confidence!! I used to think I had something to offer to the opposite sex but I've really started to doubt that.
I have a good job, I'm fairly out going, easy to chat to, active, in good shape buti just can't seem to attract any girls.
I used to be told I was good looking but I havnt heard it much in the last year or 2 as my hairline has rapidly receded, and this has hit my confidence big time, I'm only 5'9 so no girl wants to be with a short bald guy :-(.
It gets me down a lot particularly when out and all I can see is tall dark guys everywhere...I don't even bother trying to talk to women, some of my friends are quiet good looking so they get a lot of attention but these girls don't even look twice at me! Now I don't go moping around with a sad face on my in a nightclub in fact I don't even bother trying to score I just want to have a laugh with my friends but the day after I find myself fairly down!
It's a vicious cycle as I know women are attracted to confidence but how do I get my confidence back??

Ps I'm not into one night stands, I want to meet someone with a view to a relationship

5'9'' isn't that short, I know fellas smaller than that that have cleaned up with women in the past (all married now).
Bald? Captain Picard used to clean up with the chicks for e.g., aliens or not.
Sean Connery, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, oooooh I'm getting all excited now.
I wont bother with the dont rely on pubs/clubs or join a salsa class nonsense I'm sure you've heard it all before, but there really is no need to get down on yourself, just try to live your life and make it more interesting, it's likely you'll find someone sooner or later, most people seem to, but you may be waiting a few years.

skyfall2012

You are not going to hit it off with a girl every weekend. But if you are only going to clubs to meet people you are really limiting yourself. You need to broaden your horizons and join some kinda club that you would enjoy.

Bald men are very attractive and Captain Picard being my personal favourite. My husband is 5' 9 but he claims to be 5' 11 (that is called having a false body image:)).

Anyhow, I don't think your problem is your height or hair, it's you coming to terms with your new look. You gotta learn to love the new you, then your confidence will return and then the girls will be queuing up at your door.

PerrDub

Would you consider Online Dating? At least there you can mail someone and get to know them a little bit before meeting?

Less of the "cattle market" that you get in pubs and clubs..and will certainly improve confidence..

borabora

Shave your head sharpish if you haven't done so already. Very sexy, one doesn't even notice the hair, or lack thereof...

BraziliaNZ

PerrDub wrote: »

Would you consider Online Dating? At least there you can mail someone and get to know them a little bit before meeting?

Less of the "cattle market" that you get in pubs and clubs..and will certainly improve confidence..

There are pros and cons to both I'd imagine, tonnes of guys never get any responses on online dating so that can damage your confidence even more

PerrDub

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

There are pros and cons to both I'd imagine, tonnes of guys never get any responses on online dating so that can damage your confidence even more

I would say it "levels the playing field" get some good pics up and a decent profile, go on some dates, improve your confidence..

cantdecide

I'm a baldy and have been so all my adult life. I went bald quite young and I took it so bad because no one else my age was in the same situation. Now, it's nothing to me. You won't believe me now but you will get there too and you have to either try all the potions and snake oils or as suggested, shave it off and own it. There's no guarantees that you haven't lost a certain amount of your appeal to MOTAS but on the other hand, who's to say it couldn't make you an overnight sensation!!

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

There are pros and cons to both I'd imagine, tonnes of guys never get any responses on online dating so that can damage your confidence even more

PerrDub wrote: »

I would say it "levels the playing field" get some good pics up and a decent profile, go on some dates, improve your confidence..

Even this isn't enough for some of us perfectly decent guys but hey, that's another rant!!

If you're in a low place, OP, I'd give OD a miss. I'm that guy- I tried it and it destroyed my confidence. I'm not one for ONS's and I was never a big hit with the ladies but goddammit, I got nothing but tumbleweeds. If you do try it, the only advice I'd give you is keep your expectations seriously low so you can only be pleasantly surprised. Good luck...

Idbatterim

in relation to height, just wear shoes that have a thicker sole on them, should give you another little bit of height. In relation to the hair, blackrock hair clinic or similar might be worth contacting, if its really getting to you...

mikemac1

Speed dating?

They're are always looking for guys to show up

Walk in expecting nothing and at the very minimum you'll have lots of chats and a laugh. You said your confidence was low, could bring you out of your shell a bit.

At best you'll get a few dates

PerrDub

Speed dating has low male attendence for a reason... it's event more daunting than any other type of dating! But if you go in with the view that it's just a different night out to have a laugh with mates then that's the way to go..it will NOT improve confidence...

I really think OD is the way to go, all people see when they go out is the best looking people, and you can be overlooked with a mere glance..with good pics and a good profile your chances increase online, don't have any expectations and be prepared to be suprised....

HelloGiggles

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much. You sound like a lovely guy.

I personally think night clubs are the worst place to try meet someone anyway, so you're right to use nights out for fun with your friends.

And as for the 'tall, dark handsome guys'... Yes, okay girls like them.. but in the same way you guys love the victoria secret/georgia salpa type girls... And lets be honest, that's great to look at, but in reality,not many of us are like that.

Realistically, at the end of the day, girls want someone nice, honest, who we can openly talk to, introduce to our families and just have a laugh with...And if you can do that, then trust me a little receding of the hair line won't even enter our minds because we will be delighted. And also, 5ft9" isn't short and wouldnt bother girls in the slightest.

You don't need to change yourself, or work on anything. Just be yourself and wait.

I met my boyfriend while I was volunteering at a festival. Have you ever tried something like that to meet new people?

if your current situation isn't working for you then maybe try taking up something new.

I always believe in the saying "what is for you, won't pass you by"-

ladiesman216

Thanks for the replies guys,
I get what your saying about nightclubs not being the place to meet someone, I'm actually trying online at the moment but I havnt gone on any dates yet! And I'm going to join a class or 2 in the new year.
It would just be great to be able to be flirty and chatty to girls on a night out, was out last night actually and there were loads of good looking girls around but no joy for me :-(

miamee

If you fancy chatting about the online dating or asking questions about it, there is a thread going in The Gentlemen's Club here: http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2056647134?page=784#post_82252710.

Hopefully a combination of all these new experiences will give you a new outlook and a confidence boost

santana75

ladiesman216 wrote: »

I am a 29 year old single guy...with zero confidence!! I used to think I had something to offer to the opposite sex but I've really started to doubt that.
I have a good job, I'm fairly out going, easy to chat to, active, in good shape buti just can't seem to attract any girls.
I used to be told I was good looking but I havnt heard it much in the last year or 2 as my hairline has rapidly receded, and this has hit my confidence big time, I'm only 5'9 so no girl wants to be with a short bald guy :-(.

It gets me down a lot particularly when out and all I can see is tall dark guys everywhere...I don't even bother trying to talk to women, some of my friends are quiet good looking so they get a lot of attention but these girls don't even look twice at me! Now I don't go moping around with a sad face on my in a nightclub in fact I don't even bother trying to score I just want to have a laugh with my friends but the day after I find myself fairly down!
It's a vicious cycle as I know women are attracted to confidence but how do I get my confidence back??

Ps I'm not into one night stands, I want to meet someone with a view to a relationship

Your post of full of misinformation. What I mean by that is you've fallen into the trap of believing things like having a good job, being in great shape, your hairline, your height, are the things that determine whether you get a girlfriend or not. And in fairness a lot of blokes think the same way. Its complete nonsense though. Women choose men based on how they make them feel. Thats why so called bad boys clean up, even though they act disgracefully. Theres no logic to it, it doesnt make sense, but attraction doesnt make sense. Its not as straight forward as getting a good paying job or hitting the gym or being over 6ft tall. You were right about the confidence part though, but confidence doesnt come from aquiring things. Its corny and all but confidence comes from the opinion you have of yourself and thats the crux of the matter OP, you have a very poor opinion of yourself. I know its not what you wanna hear but theres no magic bullett, you need to work on yourself and from the inside out. And that doesnt mean you have to give up interacting with women until you feel confident enough. You can do both concurrently. Theres nothing wrong with your height, your hair or whatever, you have everything you need, all you're lacking is a bit of self worth.

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

There are pros and cons to both I'd imagine, tonnes of guys never get any responses on online dating so that can damage your confidence even more

I'd agree 1000%. Internet dating can damage your confidence OP. The problem is you just cant get a sense of a person from a photo and a few lines about them. I dont know how many times I've heard the same complaint in relation to meeting people via the internet: There was no spark when we met in person, even though we got on great via text/e-mail. Stick to the real world, there are women everywhere and opportunities all the time, you just have to be tuned in enough to see them.

hardCopy

Just to add OP 5'9" is just below average in Ireland, hardly short.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height#Average_height_around_the_world

The UK average is exactly 5'9"

Hardcopy, 5'9"

Taltos

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Taltos

looksee

Why are men obsessed with the idea that bald is not beautiful? I have no problems with bald at all - what I really don't like is that medium length style that is either lank or over curly, 80s style. Long, good, short, good, bald with confidence, great!

While you are concentrating on yourself and your image you are not thinking about the person you are talking to, being interested in someone is much more attractive!

Go to nightclubs if you want but they are not and never were a good hunting ground for other than one night stands. Get out there, join things, meet people. Be interesting and you will meet interesting people.

ladiesman216

Thanks for the replies guys. I gave online dating a go and had a date over the weekend. It went well :-)