I dont know what to do

LegacyUser

Every year my friends and I have a tradition where we all cook a meal and give each other secret santa presents. The previous years it was fine and i enjoyed it so much. This year im not looking forward to it as there is someone there that i dont like at all and they pretty much went through phases of hating me for no reason then liking me over the past year. This time he despises me and so does his gf over something that i allegedly said, which i did not. There is no reasoning with him at all. So i am dreading it but now its been changed to his house and i am not happy about it. I dont want to go at all.

I already paid the money for it. It was ok when it was in someone elses house but not in his. I know it sounds like a stupid dilemma but im actually so nervous about it. My friends would say just go and be brazen but if i dont go he will think that what i allegedly said was true. I know im going to be uncomfortable with it but i dont know what to do. Its easy to say "Don't go if you don't want to." But if i dont ill have the fact that they will think its true when really i am so uncomfortable around him and the fact that its in his house.

Would it be really bad if i make up something and not go or else just go and be uncomfortable but yet be with my real friends and leave early?

skyfall2012

It is a difficult one, but how about going and confronting him early in the evening about what they think you said. Something like, 'I know that you think I said xyz, I don't know where you got your information but is a complete fabrication and I never said such a thing. I would like us to get along and I want to enjoy the evening, so can we put this behind us.

DeltaWhite

TBH OP I am the worst over thinker in the world, I think you are over thinking this.. fair enough what you are going through is horrible and it is very unfair to be wrongly accused of something you didnt say.. It's his problem if he wont accept that - not yours!

I think you should just go, you wont be alone and I doubt it's going to be as bad as you think it is!

I was absolutely DREADING my Xmas party, because of my boss the tyrant, I was literally on the verge of tears at the thoughts of it and I still went! Had a great night not one bit of drama and I was relieved and felt silly for worrying so much!

Go and be brazen You have other mates there as support! Dont back down from anyone - especially when you did nothing wrong!

LegacyUser

Hey OP here. Thanks for your replies.

@Skyfall2012: That was my plan in the beginning but he is such a head strong and egotistical person that no matter what i do, it wont change anything because as far as he is concerned he is right and im wrong. There is no getting through to him. I said to one of my friends and even she agrees with me that he will berate me because he thinks he is right.

@DeltaWhite: I've been thinking about that all day, that i could just go. The worst he can do is refuse me entry to the house and that will make him look like an ass. TBH i think i am over thinking and im working myself up over it. But at the back of my mind i know he will be thinking all this stuff about me when really ill be sitting there uncomfortable thinking of how much i really dislike him.

thanks for advice

dontknowwhattodo

dontknowwhattodo wrote: »

Hey OP here. Thanks for your replies.

@Skyfall2012: That was my plan in the beginning but he is such a head strong and egotistical person that no matter what i do, it wont change anything because as far as he is concerned he is right and im wrong. There is no getting through to him. I said to one of my friends and even she agrees with me that he will berate me because he thinks he is right.

@DeltaWhite: I've been thinking about that all day, that i could just go. The worst he can do is refuse me entry to the house and that will make him look like an ass. TBH i think i am over thinking and im working myself up over it. But at the back of my mind i know he will be thinking all this stuff about me when really ill be sitting there uncomfortable thinking of how much i really dislike him.

thanks for advice

How about you go, but you spend as little time as possible actually in his company and sit beside one of your close friends. Also, presumably your friends know that you didn't say whatever it was you were supposed to have said, and if he brings it up you'll have defenders on your side.

If you paid money for something and it was switched to his house, he can't very well refuse you entry unless he gives you a refund! Go, don't chat with him if you can avoid it, enjoy your other friends company, and try not to think too much about it before you go or you'll wind yourself up.

Good luck

cantdecide

I say be brazen and go but leave early and say you will do so from the outset. Make sure you have someone neutral to walk in with.

It's a shame it's come to this but you have right on your side and you shouldn't have to feel bad. Rooting for yis...

DeltaWhite

Hopefully next year it will be your turn and you can smile sweetly and be as nice as pie shows you're the bigger person and no doubt will wreck his head!

Awful position for you to be in, but as you have done nothing wrong you shouldnt have to suffer!