Lonely

rlsniper789

I dunno if this would be the right place to put this seeing as it's of a lack of relationships, but I could not think of anywhere else.

I don't have any friends irl, and I have one friend online who lives in England. Lately, I've been starting to feel more lonely then I have done so as my friend has got a new boyfriend.

But now, I've have become quite jealous of my friend because of it. I've started to think what it would be like to have friends irl and...... a girlfriend...I just don't know how to get out there and find friends.

I think I'm afraid because I'm overweight and I'm not the best looker, but I believe I'm a nice guy on the inside.

Any advice?

rlsniper789

I should also mention that I'm a 15 year old male.

ash23

I think at 15 you have a world of opportunity open to you. Do you get on well with people in school? Are you part of any extra curricular activities or groups?

It would be really good for you to have friends who aren't online friends. I would think that would be more important than a girlfriend, at least initially.

It's pretty normal to want to be part of a social group and to feel a bit jealous when we see other people getting things that we want for ourselves. But try to be happy for your online friend too. Jealousy is normal but not if it takes over.

rlsniper789

I don't really get on with people at school, and I'm not part of any activities and groups. And yea, I am jealous but not too much, I am happy for my friend after all

Lorna123

Join as many clubs as you can and develop your social life from that. Don't worry too much about your weight, just eat a sensible diet and cut down on sweets, cakes and fizzy drinks. It will all come together for you in time. Don't worry.

ash23

There are loads of youth groups you could try. Is there a Foroige group in your area? It would be hard to go initially but I think it would be well worth it.

Also, what are your interests? Like, if you're into online gaming, there are various internet boards for them where you could get chatting to people, online initially. But then if they are local to you and your age (make sure to be safe) you could arrange to meet them for a bit and might make some friends that way?

rlsniper789

Never heard of Foroige :O but yea um, I like video games, anime & manga, all that type of stuff.

ash23

http://www.foroige.ie/ee/index.php

You should check it out. Or similar groups.

rlsniper789

Thanks, I'll take a look! I just wish I can find a group or something where I can share my interests with other people who have the hame interests.

ash23

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=4

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=506


Those forums might be of interest to you for meeting like minded peeps, online at least

rlsniper789

Ah yes, I've been posted on them a bit. Seems quite nice But yea, I'll look to see if there's any groups or something I can join, maybe there's an anime or video game group in Dublin, who knows.

Taltos

rlsniper789 wrote: »

Never heard of Foroige :O but yea um, I like video games, anime & manga, all that type of stuff.

Video games, anime & manga - are all great. However, unless you are actively meeting up face to face you are missing out on a huge opportunity to just interact with people and start to build your confidence.

Have a look for some local clubs. Not kidding it might not be easy. You have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, but stick with it. Once you get to know some folk and find something you enjoy it really will change how you look at things.

rlsniper789

Lorna123 wrote: »

Join as many clubs as you can and develop your social life from that. Don't worry too much about your weight, just eat a sensible diet and cut down on sweets, cakes and fizzy drinks. It will all come together for you in time. Don't worry.

Sorry, I didn't see your post! But yes, I have already cut down on le garbage food, started eating proper lunches and dinners, just need to be more careful of my snacks now Also will start exercising in the new year.

As for the clubs, I'll look for as many as I can find and see what they offer.

rlsniper789

Taltos wrote: »

Video games, anime & manga - are all great. However, unless you are actively meeting up face to face you are missing out on a huge opportunity to just interact with people and start to build your confidence.

Have a look for some local clubs. Not kidding it might not be easy. You have to put yourself out of your comfort zone, but stick with it. Once you get to know some folk and find something you enjoy it really will change how you look at things.

I actually joined the scouts when I was 12 and I was still just as shy as I am now, dunno how I got the courage xD unfortunately I didn't really like the scouts too much.

Also, I think I might be afraid of joining a club because when I was younger, anytime I joined a sports club etc. I was always bullied ('cept for the scouts)

Taltos

rlsniper789 wrote: »

I actually joined the scouts when I was 12 and I was still just as shy as I am now, dunno how I got the courage xD unfortunately I didn't really like the scouts too much.

Also, I think I might be afraid of joining a club because when I was younger, anytime I joined a sports club etc. I was always bullied ('cept for the scouts)

That is always the risk when you join something new. Cliques tend to have formed and can make it difficult, especially if there are people you know there who have a history with you.

This might sound a bit odd, but are there any more general groups - for example if you like cycling a cycling or mountain bike club. One where there is more of a mix of adult - not saying that this will remove the bullying aspect, but hopefully with more adults around folk will not fall into that trap. Slagging or messing should always be expected - but only in a good natured way, as soon as someone crosses the line deal with it in a friendly but direct way, don't let these things drag on and escalate.

Don't let your fear of bullying put you off though, and if it ever does arise don't react in an aggressive way at all - the nonchalant route is far better, the "oh whatever" with a smile. Not saying you ever let yourself become the butt of a joke, but if you show that their little jibes don't affect you one way or another or that they just plain bore you that is alot more effective. Expect though that sometimes folk just say the wrong thing or mean one thing when it sounds totally different, but always ask or clarify.

Some friends of mine got into drama - having to stand on a stage forced them to face their worst fears and now years later they are some of the most outgoing folk I know. Look around - find something that interests you, interests you enough to help you overcome your fear or embarrassment.

Who knows if it is an activity or sport it will help you lose weight, however I really think once you get into something you love and your confidence increases this will follow naturally without you even noticing it at first.

p.s. Mountaineering / hiking - just amazing... Great bunch of folk out there too.

rlsniper789

Ah yes, I would like to do hiking, although it kills my feet as I'm flat footed, but oh well, I'll find something else

Taltos

oh man - you can get treated for that... Don't let that stop you, go see your GP and if they can't help ask for a referral....

Lorna123

Being shy and retiring comes with your age OP. You will get more confidence as you get older, I promise you. Nothing comes easy, you have to work at it. You have a good future ahead of you so chin up and make the most of it.

rlsniper789

Thanks you guys, feeling a bit better today ^_^ (btw, what does OP stand for?)

Lorna123

rlsniper789 wrote: »

Thanks you guys, feeling a bit better today ^_^ (btw, what does OP stand for?)

OP = Original poster = person who started the post = you in this case.:D

rlsniper789

Oooh I see, thank you

LegacyUser

I felt I had to reply when I saw that you are 15. I was similar to you as a teenager. Introverted and no friends, bit of a nerd, into games/anime/manga, kind of weird looking. I was severely depressed and lonely, didn't feel fulfilled in my life. Once or twice I even seriously contemplated suicide, I felt that hopeless. That all changed for me when I got to college. People are more open-minded and accepting of different people. I joined the anime soc and the gaming soc and made lots of new friends. Things really turned around for me. I didn't feel like a freak anymore, became considerably more outgoing, started to take care of myself more and actually felt happy for the first time in my life. You just have to be willing to make the effort to put yourself out there and things will change for you. People in secondary school can be so close-minded, cruel and immature. But that will pass. And there are some good ones. As others have said, you have a world of opportunity ahead of you. In the meantime, join some clubs and try to strike up conversations with people in class and stuff. You'd be surprised by how responsive people can be

LegacyUser

Also, after reading your posts I just want to commend you on your positive attitude! You're already in the pro-active mindset which is great. I was more prone to sulking and feeling sorry for myself at your age. You seem like a really nice person and I'm sure you'll do fine. Best of luck!

rlsniper789

Thanks! I am quite positive, just a lack of friends tends to get me down a bit.

HelloGiggles

It's actually okay that you don't get on with people from school. Not everyone does. I hated secondary school, even though I had a small group of 4 friends. Everyone is wearing the same clothes(uniform), trying to be 'cool'..etc. It's actually a really difficult environment.

The good new however is, it does come to an end:D and if you are planning on going to college then you are going to be surrounded by people who are interested in the same topic as yourself, whatever your course may be. And people are much more accepting of people in college, i found anyway. I went on to study film production and it was absolutely fantastic to be in a class with 30 people who were slightly similar to myself (there is however one or two people who you probably won't like there too:P) but not everything can be perfect, I suppose:rolleyes:


And as for your weight. You're 15, and you probably still have a bit of puppy fat on you.. as I remember, there was a few boys in my secondary school who were considered 'over weight' who actually look fantastic today, compared to the guys who were the 'hunks' of the school.

What i'm really trying to say is, don't worry! You have a lot of growing to do and a lot of people to meet along the way. You never know what is around the corner for you

But of course, it would't hurt to join a club get out and meet people.

Neyite

OP, there is a forum for teens: Clearasil & Hormones right here on Boards. You might find it a friendly and interesting place.

I am a *bit* older than you, I began posting on boards a few years ago, and I now have a bunch of terrific friends here. - we've met up a few times in real life and had a blast, I'm connected to them on facebook, and it all came from them gradually getting to know me online.

While you are a bit young yet to be meeting peeps off the interwebs, even online interacting with people your age is a good start.