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Do I make a move on my friend?

  • 09-12-2012 11:40pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Ahhhh, so here goes-
    Basically I've been out of a long term relationship for 6 months. I have been in love with a close friend for the past 4 months, I never made a move because I wanted to be sure of my feelings, I didn't want it to be a rebound or anything.

    So I've been pining for months, for my ex and for this guy, and I don't know what to do. I miss my life with my ex but I don't miss my actual ex if that makes sense.

    I meet up with this friend a lot, we'd be best friends and I can't tell how he feels about me as he is so shy. The thought of him meeting someone else while I'm here, totally head over heels in love with him kills me. So what do I do? My stomach is continually in knots about him, I can't sleep, can't eat, I feel sick. Something has to change- do I get over him and move on (cause he would have made a move by now if he liked me) or do I make a move and risk being rejected and ruining our friendship?


Comments

  • #2
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    I get alarmed at the idea of "making a move" when you have no idea how it would be received.

    You can progress more cautiously than that, either by talking about things or by a careful use of signs of affection, or by a bit of each. Tell him how comfortable you feel in his company; give him a friendly hug; say he is looking very attractive; touch him in non-sexual way; things like that. Watch his reactions carefully, and you should be able to gauge whether or not he is interested in you other than as a friend.

    On the other hand, can you maintain a friendship with him if you are consumed with unrequited love?


  • #3
    Casillas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 317 ✭✭Casillas


    That entire post read to me, that you are ready for a new relatioship. You think about your ex-it's only natural. Your true feelings are for this new person. You are afraid they'll move on, you want to tell them how you feel. You're just scared and worried. I would ask this person for a meet and than ask if they feel something for you.


  • #4
    ash23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,791 ✭✭✭ash23


    Sorry but I think you just want/need to be in a relationship.
    The fact that you miss being in a relationship is pretty normal but personally I think it's really important to get over that part of things and learn how to be single after a long term relationship ends.
    Once you're ok with being alone, that is (imo) the healthiest time to get into a relationship. mainly because you are getting into it for the right reasons and not just because you want to be in a relationship.

    You're still in a state of mourning for the end of your relationship with your ex and I think it'd be a really bad move to get involved with someone else until you're completely over your ex.

    It varies from person to person as to how long this takes but you say you've been pining for both your lost relationship and this guy for months. I think you'd be better off taking time to get yourself in order after the end of the LTR before starting anything.
    It's not fair on the other person to begin something with them while still in an emotional mess from a previous relationship.


  • #5
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    I'd say there is a chance that this guy feels the same about you but is afraid to make a move in case you are not completely over your ex. I think you should give him a sign that you are interested in him and see how it goes. If he is not interested in you in that way I don't think you will want to just be friends with him anyway so don't worry about that part of it.


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