Give up on 4 month 'relationship'

LegacyUser

I got dumped during the week after dating a fantastic girl for the past 4 months.

We're both 30 and were meeting up about twice a week. We moved slowly but the last few weeks had been sleeping together.

I think she is very special and was shocked when I met her on Wednesday to learn that her heart was not in it, and she didn't want to hurt me by continuing. We spoke for 15 minutes but she was clearly anguished so i told her we were better to part.

Friends say to break contact but there is so much I want to say without pressuring her. I know 4 months is short butbwe were growing closer, or so I thought.

I feel like fighting for her, and am prepared to get hurt but don't know what to do.

Any advice?

fits

Let her go and move on. If there is a chance of her coming back, its the best chance you have.

Stavro Mueller

+1 to what Fits says. All you'll be doing is guilting her into changing her mind. You cant make someone love you if their heart's not in it. It's highly unlikely she woke up one day and decided to break up with you out of the blue. This was a while coming and you either didn't see the warning signs or she was good at hiding it.

She clearly cares about you a lot and naturally she'll be upset at having hurt you like this. Don't mistake this for "Whoops, I've made a terrible mistake"

The only way you can get over this is to cut contact. Otherwise you'll be prolonging the hurt for yourself and giving yourself false hope.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys - its not what I want to hear but see your point. Shebseemed unsure, and I am bewildered and fairly gutted

seachto7

Why do women do this stuff?

ABajaninCork

Why do men?

Neyite

seachto7 wrote: »

Why do women do this stuff?

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Why do men?

Off topic, generalising and containing no advice for the OP

constance tench

blank her...no calls no texts...Nothing!

seachto7

Apologies, I should have said why do people do this? I cannot get this behaviour. Why, after 4 months, is it suddenly *flick switch* "do you know what, I don't want to be with you".

I guess the same can happen after 4 years too. I just don't get it...

constance tench

seachto7 wrote: »

Apologies, I should have said why do people do this? I cannot get this behaviour. Why, after 4 months, is it suddenly *flick switch* "do you know what, I don't want to be with you".

I guess the same can happen after 4 years too. I just don't get it...

Your realy going to drag yourself through the mill if you try to.. get it!...
stay happy, be confident!:cool:

[oops!..thought you were the OPer...message still the same though]

Lorna123

Heart Broken wrote: »

I got dumped during the week after dating a fantastic girl for the past 4 months.

We're both 30 and were meeting up about twice a week. We moved slowly but the last few weeks had been sleeping together.

I think she is very special and was shocked when I met her on Wednesday to learn that her heart was not in it, and she didn't want to hurt me by continuing. We spoke for 15 minutes but she was clearly anguished so i told her we were better to part.

Friends say to break contact but there is so much I want to say without pressuring her. I know 4 months is short butbwe were growing closer, or so I thought.

I feel like fighting for her, and am prepared to get hurt but don't know what to do.

Any advice?

It's a rotten situation to be in OP........one of the worst and especially when you didn't see it coming and at this time of the year. My heart goes out to you. I don't know what went wrong but obviously things were not going as well as you thought. I suppose while you weren't sleeping together she didn't feel that connected and could just have been using you to go on dates with, but then when it went to a deeper level she realized that she coudln't continue with it and didn't want to hurt you, so better to find this out sooner rather than later. Of course she did hurt you but at least you weren't dating for too long. It's horrible to be just left high and dry but it wasn't a sudden decision on her part, she never felt like you did and that is the bottom line.

You will have to go through the motions OP, feeling bad, feeling rejected, and feeling lonely before it will get better, but it will get better, I promise you.

Don't fight for this girl, there is no need, if she wants you she knows where to find you. She knows how you feel, and the rest is up to her now, not you.

Best of Luck.

seachto7

Nope, not the OP, but I would have thought, if you can get to 4 months, then you have a good chance of getting to a year or more? Is it just a case that one person is stringing the other along until someone better comes along..............?

perfect_circle

OP, just on another note, I know you said she was very upset breaking up with you, but did you ever think that maybe she was scared of getting hurt and thought it easier to break things off before she did? If things were going so well that might have been the case.

Recently enough I broke up with a guy I really liked because I was afraid that he wasn't as into me as I was into him, and rather than sticking it out to see if he was or not I ended it. Just a thought, maybe not the case but it could be! Nothing wrong with texting her to see how she is. If she doesn't respond then you'll definitely know the answer.