Christmas Party Issues

LegacyUser

You may think this is a stupid dilemma. You may think I am vain, maybe I am. Our work Christmas party is coming round next Saturday. Last year, I wore a black dress, covered up to the neck, down to the knee, high collar, long sleeves and felt fat and frumpy compared to some of the others. I have felt this way every year for parties, weddings etc and in fact have never worn a dress with no sleeves, backless, or anything like that. Every year I swear I will lose the weight and wear something knockout. It's been on my bucket list.

Well, I have worked so so so hard since last Christmas and I've lost close on 2 stone and toned up considerably.

I've got the dress, it looks amazing. End of. If I am honest, every head will turn. But now I am getting cold feet on something. Recently someone who I've been friends with in work for a long time (married) made a crude pass at me and I knocked him back. Things have been a bit awkward between us (I am not good at dealing with this stuff) and I am wondering how he will react. I dont want to encourage him in any way and want things to go back the way they were.

So, do I tone it down and wear something a bit less dramatic. The dress in itself is not over sexy, its not tarty in any way, its kind of like the way I fill it, and that its so different to what I would usually wear. It's like that show the swan, where a frumpy person goes in and gets made over and a beautiful woman comes out.

Do I tone it down and blend in more or say, sod this, I've always wanted to do this, I've worked so hard to look like this and just go for it. Who knows, next year, I may not be in such good shape and back to being covered up.

Thanks for feedback and please dont think I am being vain! I realise this is a tiny issue in the overall scheme of things, but when you've had no body confidence for years and always felt plain, this is strange.

up for anything

It is not so much what you wear as how you wear it. If you don't have the inner confidence to wear it and accept the attention it will bring you, it probably isn't such a good idea. You are already in a situation with someone that you are finding it difficult to handle. Do you really need to add more situations like that to your working life. Perhaps it might be a better idea to wear something that you feel comfortable in and have the confidence to handle and doesn't bring you unwanted attention. I know the feeling of wanting to wow them all but you can still do that without being obvious.

Now that you've spent the last year working on the outside, perhaps you need to spent 2013 working on the inside and becoming a swan inside and out.

I'm a bit concerned that you say:

Who knows, next year, I may not be in such good shape and back to being covered up.

You shouldn't let negative thoughts creep in as if you do you could give life to them.

Keep that dress for wearing in a social circle that you are truly comfortable in and where people will be really pleased for you rather than using it to 'show them'. You don't need to do that tempting as it is.

Well done though on the weight loss and toning up. It's a lovely feeling.

daisybelle2008

Hi OP, I agree with the above poster. You seem you seem to place too much of an association with how you dress and the unwanted attention. Dress for yourself, what makes you feel good. You are trying too hard to manage other people's reactions through your outfit instead of your head.
If you dress for attention, you will get attention, wanted or unwanted, you can't prevent that but you can handle it with confidence, move on and take the compliment, it is always a compliment if you like yourself. There is no perfect magic dress that wows certain people and repels married men. Being confident in what you are wearing doesn't stop unwanted attention either, in fact it increases it, but you can just handle it way better.
Considering Modifying how you dress because of this guys behaviour is crazy.
You get to decide what you are comfortable with in this life, you are in the driving seat, even if he does hit on you, you are in control, you get to say no. It's his problem not yours.

neveah

I always dress differently for work nights out than I would normally dress for a night out with my friends. I tend to tone it down as I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing a low cut top or a very short skirt (unless with black tights) but I always like to look good and feel comfortable in what I am wearing. You say that the dress isn't tarty/inappropriate so if that's the case and you think it's suitable for a work party then wear it. If you look fabulous in it, even better!

If you really do feel that inappropriate attention from work colleagues would be an issue then you can always wear something a bit toned down for the work party and wear the new dress on your next night out with the girls, that way you can then fully enjoy the attention you get from the general male population that you don't work with free from worry

Stavro Mueller

+1 to what the others have said. As you said yourself, the dress looks great but isn't tarty or inappropriate.

What concerns me on your behalf is the issue regarding your colleague. Even though you said you'd like things to go to back to the way they were, it's not going to happen. You can never undo or forget an incident like that. It's worrying that you fear he might try something on again. If that is the case, you may need to consider getting on to HR about this. Perhaps even the threat of going to them might put a stop to his gallop. You're not in the wrong here and you shouldn't be the one who feels guilty in any way. Don't let your "friend" get to you like this.

Daisy M

Wear your dress and wear it with pride, if that makes others uncomfortable then thats their problem. From the sounds of it the dress suits and accentuates your shape, thats how everyone should dress.

Keep away from the male colleague and make sure you are never alone with him. Enjoy the party!!

Niamho!

Wear the dress and shove what anyone else thinks. If you like it on you, wear it. you've worked very hard on your figure, so go for it.

You've already made it clear to the colleague that you're not interested so if he has any cop-on he'll leave you be.

trio

Put it this way - imagine how you will feel the day AFTER the party. You felt crap the day after last year. Do you really want to feel like that again?

Or do you want to wake up and think "Wow, they were all gobsmacked. I looked amazing"

As regards Creepy Collegue, you won't encourage him if you just say hello but nothing more afterwards and spend the rest of the night talking to the girls.

A word of advice: don't get drunk. Collegue may see it as an opener to talk to you again.