Is this odd?

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years. He says he loves me and I think I love him however lately I'm a bit confused due to the following:

My boyfriend started a new college course in Dublin last September. We both rent separately in Dublin. We both recently moved here and my circle of friends there have moved away so I'm still trying to find a new close group of friends to hang out with (people at work aren't really into going out after work etc).

Since September I have only met a few of his college friends (because we ran into them on the street). Now, for the last three weekends he has 'invited' me to join him and his friends when they've been going out together on a Saturday night.

Saturday, 2 weeks ago:
I was out with my own friends also that night. My boyfriend said he'd text at a certain time so that I could join him and meet his friends. He didn't text until an hour+ after he said he would and at that point it was too late to join them.

Saturday, 1 week ago:
He said he'd text me that evening about going out so that I could meet his college friends.
He did text and said that his friends were having drinks at the student flat and that it 'was going to be a quiet one'. The next day I found out that they ended up going out after midnight into town clubbing (and a girlfriend of one of his friends even joined them in town then). He said he didn't get onto me as he 'didn't think I'd have a good night'. I would have been so happy to have gone.

Saturday, tonight:
He really invited me - kept inviting me out in fact - so that I could join him and his friends after a college dinner that was organised. I was happy. Did he text? No. I texted him at midnight to explain that it was now too late for me to go out.
He texted back and said that he 'didn't think he needed to contact me if he didn't think it would be a good night out'. I texted him to explain that I didn't think the invite was dependent on psychic predictions and that in future to please show me more respect and either invite me out for real or don't. Simple.
He told me that he 'was sure' that I'd meet his friends soon.
I'm going abroad for a few months and also he has exams in January, so, soon? I don't see how. BS.

I'm so worried I've ruined things. After I sort of gave out to him the second Saturday, he said that I was 'making him feel guilty for going out with his friends'.

For him to say that I'm making him feel guilty for going out with his friends really upsets me. I'm not a controlling girlfriend at all (I hope!), as I'm completely happy for him to go out as often as he wants with friends (who are a mixture of girls/ guys) - but when he invites me out then I don't hear from him until it's too late, expectations have been set and I feel let down and disrespected. I see him 2-3 times a week generally so I appreciate that, I just don't understand why he doesn't invite me to meet his new friends for real (I've met his family and his friends from school and get on well with them).

We almost had an argument in November when I suggested meeting his friends. As soon as I suggested it he went on and on about how clever they are... so much so.. I felt as though he was undermining my intelligence and I said exactly that to him.

Does anyone have any advice please? I don't want to throw away a good relationship when the only big issue in it seems to be this one. I don't want to go out with someone who never thinks there's a good night for me to meet his new friends either. Am I missing something completely obvious here? Thanks.

Lorna123

I think what I would do is just say nothing about meeting his friends in the future. Just enjoy what you have and forget about meeting his friends. What will be will be and asking can you meet them is just putting him under pressure if he doesn't want this to happen. Just let it ride, and don't mention his friends again, unless he does.

Don't try to analyze why he doesn't want you to meet his friends. He probably just feels awkward and maybe he is trying to come across differently to his friends than he does with you and he doesn't want you to cop this on and then start asking him why he behaves differently with them. He might even have told them things about himself that aren't true just to boost his ego and he might feel that if you met them you would blow the whistle on him. These are just small simple things so let him have this time with his friends and just stay out of it. That would be my advice.

Roisy7

I agree with Lorna123 but this leaving you hanging stuff and you being uncertain isn't nice. Go out with your own friends and make your own plans and leave him off. It's quite disrespectful actually, thinking you will be hanging around waiting for him until midnight or later.

if he invites you out, say yea sure, 'what time and where?'
dont wait for a text during the evening!!

if he cant commit to something as simple as a time and place then i would make my own arrangements for a night out with my own friends and feck him.

you are clearly waiting for him to say, yea its half ten/eleven why dont you come in now and meet us at xxxxx

thats not good enough, and dont put up with it!!

Meller

I agree with deciding on a time and place. Discuss it beforehand, or give him a call during? Don't sit around waiting for texts!

I see this happening with couples all the time, and often a simple communication issue is really exacerbating the problem. Like holding out for people to text back- there's so much silliness about not wanting to be the first to text, not wanting to send more than one, etc. and it's such an uncertain, unreliable, ambiguous form of communication. Talk to him before in person!

Big Bag of Chips

OP, this thread sounds familiar. Did you post a similar thread in the last couple of weeks, about your boyfriend going out without you?

If so you should reread the replies you got on that thread and maybe take some of the advice given there and here.


As per the Charter:

You only need to start one thread - starting numerous threads over a short period of time will be considered attention whoring and they will be closed.

I am locking this thread for now. If we are mistaken, please PM one of the Personal Issues' Mods to clarify.

Thanks,
Big Bag of Chips.