Getting over an ex.

The_Gatsby

So me and my now exgirlfriend broke up 3 months ago. I've missed her so much. We were madly in love but I made some mistakes and put myself before her a couple of times.

I know she wants to forgive me but she can't. The thing is I'm still madly in love with her and I feel sick to my stomach when I think about her. Everything reminds me of her and I just miss her in general. We were friends for a while and then about 2 weeks ago we started talking and both entertained the idea that we could get back together in the future and we both needed time apart to grow and mature. I was fine with this. Then I found out she had a new boyfriend which hurt and she made it clear that the most we could be was friends which again, I was fine with. I figured it was better to have her somewhat there than not at all. Now over the last few days she's been treating me like ****. She ignores me, telling me to **** off and leave her alone. It hurts because she treats me like she never knew me. I don't understand how somebody that used to love me so much and that I used to be unbelievably close with can be so cold and hurtful, deliberately. I want to get over her for her sake and I want her to be happy with her new boyfriend but it just seems as if I can't.

I don't really have great friends and I'm not overly close with any of them so I don't know who to go to. She was the only person I could ever be myself around and now she's acting like a cold, heartless bitch and I feel like I'll never be that close to anybody again.

My outlook on my future has become bleak and I don't look forward to anything anymore. This whole thing has torn my life apart and I'm constantly on edge, feeling sick and just not motivated to do anything. I want her back so badly but I know she doesn't want this. I try not to contact her because it's not fair on her and I know that but I can't help it. Is it my fault she's being nasty about it? I just want it to end on good terms but she seems adamant that this won't happen.

Anyway, sorry for the huge post and any replies would be really appreciated because this is torture. Thanks, Luke

P. Breathnach

It looks to me like she needs to break fully away from you, and I can see why: she has a new boyfriend and you want to be still on the scene in some capacity - but whatever capacity that is, it is obvious that your real hope is that you get back together again.

While you find it very difficult, it may be that her choice is also the best thing for you. So long as you harbour the dream of getting together with her, you will be unable to move on with your life.

Yes, it hurts, and will continue to hurt for a while. But it will eventually get better.

DirkVoodoo

Hey there,

I understand totally how you feel, it's not a nice situation to be in and it is surprising how people can so quickly change how they feel about someone else.

Hanging around and hoping that it might work out is not going to help you. You need to accept the truth that she has moved on and the best thing for you is to do the exact same. I don't mean run out into the night and find someone, anyone, but you need to divorce yourself from this idea that it will all work out.

It might, or it might not. I don't have a crystal ball and I can't say. But for your own mental wellbeing, you need to convince yourself that it's finished.

Try and part on good terms, walk away with your head held high and with no regrets. You love her and she knows this, so there is no need to try and find some negatives now. Tell her how you feel, wish her the best and just stop contacting her. You'll feel immensely better once you do this and you are ready to begin the process of healing. This means focusing on you. If you don't have any close friends, maybe now is the time to get closer to the ones you have, or try a new hobby, go meet new people, etc.

I've had that feeling that too that the entire world looks like it's been washed over by a dull palette, you're not interested in doing anything, you only want to talk to people about her. It's not healthy! She has moved on, and while I'm sure she will look back fondly on your time together, she is done. She is being cold because she wants to give this new guy a chance. I know it's devastating to think about the woman you loved looking at another guy the way she looked at you, doing things together that you both used to, but you need to banish those thoughts from your mind.

Now is the time to focus on you. It's not easy, but trust me, once you start caring about yourself, putting yourself first and realising that there is nothing more you can do except live your own life and not wait for her, you'll feel better.

Lorna123

It looks like to me that this girl is now in a positon to punish you for what you did to her and boy is she doing just that. When she had no boyfriend she was prepared to talk about getting back in the future but now that she has this extra power she is making you suffer. So where does that leave you?

Well, I would think that if she can do this to you now that she has the confidence to do it, then she is showing you her true feelings, i.e. she has moved on. This new relationship may not last and she could easily be running back to you when it is over for reassurance. Do you want to be there for that?

I think OP what you have to do now is cut all contact, get your self respect back and until you do that this woman is not going to respect you. She knows you are in the sidelines waiting for her, so she is in no hurry to work on getting back with you. Don't give her this ammunition. Don't be a doormat for her because this will get you nowhere except alienate her further.

What you could do is what DirkVoodoo above says tell her how you feel and that you are walking away now and don't want any more contact. If you don't do this she could come to lose respect for you altogether and then there will be no getting back together at all. This is your best chance.

The_Gatsby

Thanks everybody for the replies, I took your advice Voodoo. Hopefully it works and I can move on. Thanks again.

paulap

onwards and upwards.......so they say anyway

DirkVoodoo

It's not easy.

Not a moment goes by that I don't wish I could just pick up the phone and call or text her. She wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my best friend. The person I'd want to see first each day, tell first when I see or hear something funny, the first person I'd text, etc. etc.

Unfortunately, you lose all that too. It's a double whammy of sorts.

Every time I feel like contacting her, I just put down the phone and go and do something else. Anything. Make a cup of tea, pick up a book, turn on the tv...

It's not easy, especially in the mornings when you might have a vivid dream that takes you by surprise and makes you feel that you've got her back. When you wake up and see she's not beside you and reality slowly creeps back over you, that's the hardest.

I just tell myself that leaving her alone is good for both of us.

I can't say it gets any easier. If you really care about someone, it won't. But you have to be strong and exercise control. Like I said, remove any thoughts of getting her back and put yourself first from now on. It doesn't mean you don't care, you're just getting on with life.

Good luck!