Lost my libido and it's causing problems

anonmity

The issue I have is confusing me so much and I just don't know what to even think or do about it.

Basically I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, I've just turned 21, he's mid twenties. We get on great, have never really had a proper fight in the time we've been together and we've never doubted that we're not going to spend rest of our lives together. We used to have sex 5 or 6 times a week and now it barely happens 3 or 4 times a month. It's because I've just lost interest in it and never initiate it. To be honest, I've been ok with this as since I just said, I'm not really interested in sex anymore but my boyfriend recently just asked me if we were ok sex wise and it led to us discussing it.

He feels hurt I don't want to be with him any more than once a week, the lack of it is bothering him as he thinks I don't find him attractive and he says he finds it so hard to control himself when he's around me and constantly wants to rip my clothes off and only doing it once a week just isn't enough for him. He's emotionally hurt by it too as he doesn't know why I've lost interest and he's worried it's because I don't like him anymore or something like that.

I don't know why I've lost interest and can't pinpoint when it happened but when I get in from college I'm just tired and don't feel energetic or attractive enough for it and it's usually the last thing on my mind. I'd much rather just cuddle and relax but on weekend days or days where I haven't done anything particularly stressful I don't feel like it either.

The reason I'm so confused is because I think I'm bisexual and the reason I don't want to have sex with him is simply because he's a man but I haven't been masturbating either so there does seem to just be a lack of interest in sex altogether.

He's my first boyfriend and my only sexual partner so since he's mentioned the problem I've been thinking about it and realised maybe I got into a serious relationship too young and I want to experiment with people who aren't him but I could never tell him that because he'd be heart broken. I really don't know what to do or what can make this problem better. I don't think I've figured out the underlying causes yet or if I'm over thinking everything. I know it's a long post but I'd really like to hear any advice or comments any of you have?

Stuck Cone

Watch a wee bitta porn, explore your submissive side maybe? try something new?

shalalala

Well you said you don't feel attractive and you are tired a lot? That sounds to me like a problem. You have to be happy with yourself physically before you can begin to make someone else happy.

Explain to him that it has nothing to do with him. Work on your own self-esteem.

Also it is worth saying that EVERY couple goes through lulls. Every couple has slight differences in sex drive too. Sex is always going to get less after the first 6 months- year. It is the way it goes but it might solve itself. Try not to worry too much and try to make sure you OH knows that you still find him attractive.

anonmity

Thanks for the replies everyone, yeah I think it could be a range of small issues causing it really. I am pretty busy and stressed at the moment and terrible at getting myself to bed at a reasonable hour. My self esteem is kinda lower but no lower then it was at the beginning of the relationship. During the Summer I went through such a depressive episode because I failed a few exams in college which I had to repeat and just felt totally worthless, my OH was so worried about me and suggested I get councilling but when college started back it was kind of like a clean slate and I felt I didn't need it anymore so I never went. The point I'm making is emotionally I have been bit of a wreck and my OH is getting impatient with the whole sex thing, he's been sexually frustrated for months and what's probably going to happen is me just having sex even if I'm not in the mood or not really into it and I'll just end up kinda dreading it and he'll notice and it will make everything worse.

Katy89

anonmity wrote: »

The reason I'm so confused is because I think I'm bisexual and the reason I don't want to have sex with him is simply because he's a man but I haven't been masturbating either so there does seem to just be a lack of interest in sex altogether.

but you gave here the answer yourself.

I don't know much about bisexuality but you say in this sentence you don't want to have sex with him, because he's a man. maybe you really prefer to be sexual with a woman?

does he know you feel bisexual? I think it would be fair to tell him. actually more than fair, you owe it to him.
you might loose him, but if you don't tell him and continue refusing him, you'll loose him 100% sure of it.

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

Are you sexually attracted to your boyfriend still?
Do you enjoy the sex with him when you do have sex?
Do you ever fantasize about having sex with others?

How do you feel about your thoughts on being 'bisexual', if you have ever had sexual thoughts about women have you tried and put them out of mind/bury them because you are in a committed relationship and because being attracted to women can be scary? If so maybe you are at the same time burying you sexual desires/or trting to turn them off (but perhaps this is not the case)

You have thought about it and you have come to some conclusions: He's my first boyfriend and my only sexual partner so since he's mentioned the problem I've been thinking about it and realised maybe I got into a serious relationship too young and I want to experiment with people who aren't him ....based on this do you think you should break up?

Dolbert

Have you started taking the contraceptive pill OP? Some pills can reduce libido dramatically.