so confused.....

ColletteB

sorry this is a long one.........
recently i found a msg from another woman on my husband FB.

what u like mr murphy!!! i'm not pissed off with u at all in fact i kinda feel like a bit of a ***** cause i'm not that kinda person and yes i know that u are right, yes its hard to hear but u obviously married the girl cause u love her.............not my fault ur having lustful thoughts about me!!!! joke!! saying that i would lust after me!!!!! hope i'm not FORCING u into anything cause i don't want that if its for one night only then u have to really want to do it and not cause ur feeling sorry for me or any of that crap!!! anyway after we meet i'll still have mr murphy to dream about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last sat he deleted that msg from fb and unfriended the women who sent it. I confronted him about this and he gave me his phone and told me to ring her and ask he what was going on. i didnt.
I checked his phone and all his call list and mgs are deleted but he said this is because of storage issues. the sat i found the msg i freaked and he knew something was wrong with me which is why i think he deleted the msg.He says they are just friends but that sat he rang her 6 times the last call at 1 in the morning. my gut is telling all the phone calls that day were to get their stories straight in case i was onto them.
now saying that we do everything together, he never goes anywhere without me. I asked if he knew this women wanted to have a affair why didnt he stop the calls and he said its nice to know someone fancies you other than your wife, that I never tell him how great he looks ect. We have only been married since the summer. I dont know if hes telling the truth because he deleted all his replies to her so i emailed the other women and she said she did try her best to start an affair but he wouldnt cos he loved me too much and that he was there for her thru the break up of her marriage. she sent him naked pics (while we were on honeymoon and why would she do this unless he asked her) and they have been in contact until I found that msg.
he gave me access to his email and work email and closed his fb account and promised me he would never contact her again. I have been checking his phone and he hasnt. he swears blind that nothing happened.she mailed me and told me the reasons for so many calls on the one day and the next day he gave same excuse which makes me think they are still in contact....I have checked his phone bill and they are a lot of texts and calls to this woman texting from 9 pm to 4 am one night.......he said he was just bored at work and she was out on the town.....ringing her 2-3 times a week .....but nothing since I confronted him with this. he insists thay are just friends and im reading into things too much. he said he knows it was inappropriate and hes sorry but he has too much to lose to start an affair.i'm sure they didnt have sex but i reckon there was something fishy goin on but he keeps saying no....its hard. my heart wants to believe him but he kept this secret for 6 months and i probably would still be ignorant if i didnt see that msg. im hurt at the thought of them two getting their stories straight and making a fool of me. I kept asking him what they were talking about and he said he couldnt remember, then he said he told her he deleted her from FB but he still kept in phone contact.....fed up dont know whether to go or stay.....have told no one so really need some good advice.....he seems genuinely sorry ands says looking back now he can see how it looks and begs me to believe him when he says he had no interest in he only as a friend.but im afraid if i stay a few years down he line it will happen again when we have kids......

ceadaoin.

ColletteB wrote: »

sorry this is a long one.........
recently i found a msg from another woman on my husband FB.

what u like mr murphy!!! i'm not pissed off with u at all in fact i kinda feel like a bit of a ***** cause i'm not that kinda person and yes i know that u are right, yes its hard to hear but u obviously married the girl cause u love her.............not my fault ur having lustful thoughts about me!!!! joke!! saying that i would lust after me!!!!! hope i'm not FORCING u into anything cause i don't want that if its for one night only then u have to really want to do it and not cause ur feeling sorry for me or any of that crap!!! anyway after we meet i'll still have mr murphy to dream about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last sat he deleted that msg from fb and unfriended the women who sent it. I confronted him about this and he gave me his phone and told me to ring her and ask he what was going on. i didnt.
I checked his phone and all his call list and mgs are deleted but he said this is because of storage issues. the sat i found the msg i freaked and he knew something was wrong with me which is why i think he deleted the msg.He says they are just friends but that sat he rang her 6 times the last call at 1 in the morning. my gut is telling all the phone calls that day were to get their stories straight in case i was onto them.
now saying that we do everything together, he never goes anywhere without me. I asked if he knew this women wanted to have a affair why didnt he stop the calls and he said its nice to know someone fancies you other than your wife, that I never tell him how great he looks ect. We have only been married since the summer. I dont know if hes telling the truth because he deleted all his replies to her so i emailed the other women and she said she did try her best to start an affair but he wouldnt cos he loved me too much and that he was there for her thru the break up of her marriage. she sent him naked pics (while we were on honeymoon and why would she do this unless he asked her) and they have been in contact until I found that msg.
he gave me access to his email and work email and closed his fb account and promised me he would never contact her again. I have been checking his phone and he hasnt. he swears blind that nothing happened.she mailed me and told me the reasons for so many calls on the one day and the next day he gave same excuse which makes me think they are still in contact....I have checked his phone bill and they are a lot of texts and calls to this woman texting from 9 pm to 4 am one night.......he said he was just bored at work and she was out on the town.....ringing her 2-3 times a week .....but nothing since I confronted him with this. he insists thay are just friends and im reading into things too much. he said he knows it was inappropriate and hes sorry but he has too much to lose to start an affair.i'm sure they didnt have sex but i reckon there was something fishy goin on but he keeps saying no....its hard. my heart wants to believe him but he kept this secret for 6 months and i probably would still be ignorant if i didnt see that msg. im hurt at the thought of them two getting their stories straight and making a fool of me. I kept asking him what they were talking about and he said he couldnt remember, then he said he told her he deleted her from FB but he still kept in phone contact.....fed up dont know whether to go or stay.....have told no one so really need some good advice.....he seems genuinely sorry ands says looking back now he can see how it looks and begs me to believe him when he says he had no interest in he only as a friend.but im afraid if i stay a few years down he line it will happen again when we have kids......

Sorry but from that message alone it looks like they had plans to meet up for sex. Even if they didn't this has clearly been going on for a long time and is an emotional affair. I wouldn't believe him, he will tell you as little as he can get away with and the fact that they have been in touch to get their stories straight speaks volumes.

Have there been any other signs that he may have been having an affair? What made you check his Facebook in the first place?

Rachineire

First of all I have to say that I feel bad for you! Its an awful thing to find out that your spouse has a secret life going on behind your back. The things that stick out to me are the fact that you only got married this summer and she sent him pictures while on your honeymoon!!

Honestly, If i were in your situation I would find it very very hard to trust anything he is saying to me. And to trust a word that comes out of that womans mouth...the fact that she has the cheek to contact you I find galling! I think that maybe looking into couples counseling would be a good thing...there must be a reason why he feels compelled to have this relationship, emotional or not, with this woman. Not saying this is your fault at all..its obvious to me that he has some issues going on within himself! And to say to you that its nice to be desired by someone else other than his wife?! Isn't that the point of marriage, you marry the one person that you want to fancy you the rest of your life!

I hope everything works out for the best for you!

ColletteB

No there are no signs.....i thought we were happy. His FB was open on our pc and I didnt recognise her name so i read msg

miec

Hi Op

In my opinion the signs are bad, he may not have had sex with this woman but there was something fishy going on and the fact he felt the need to be admired by another woman is worrying, the sending of naked pics whilst you guys were on honeymoon is bad. Basically he will be hyper careful about what he says on the phone, facebook etc but he will just get another phone or find another way to connect with this woman or some time with another woman, I say this because my ex husband used to do the same thing and say the same type of stuff and do you really want to spend all your time checking his emails, his phone, his facebook - I used to do that stuff and it was demoralising.

LegacyUser

OP, I feel bad for you, the shock of finding out something like this, that you had no inkling of, is terrible. It's no wonder you're fed up.

First of all, I don't know why your husband is saying to you you're reading too much into the situation. The facts are there to be seen clearly- best case scenario, he's indulged in highly inappropriate flirting with another woman for the purposes of an ego trip and I guess worst case scenario is something more went on. I think you'd probably know by his behaviour since this all came out whether something has actually happened between them but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to be upset. He should let you go through this and accept that it's his fault. It's possible that he feels hard done by in a way, because he knows he hasn't "technically" done anything wrong yet he's getting grief over it anyway. Again, this isn't your fault, so you have to make him realise that his deceitful behaviour has made you lose trust in him and question your relationship. It's going to take time to fix this and rebuild the trust. THe natural instinct when someone is caught out with something in a situation like this is to tell as little as they can get away with but it's much more damaging if more and more details leak out. You need to sit down, he has to tell you the whole story of how he met her and how it developed to the point that she sends him naked pictures and he needs to accept any upset or questions you may have. Then you both have to decide how to get over this. It's not great but it's not the worst thing in the world and assuming nothing like this has happened before, there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to move on. It sounds like he stupidly got carried away with the ego boost but hopefully he's learnt his lesson.

Best of luck.

Merkin

You're only married since the summer and she was sending him naked pictures while on his honeymoon TO YOU? If I were you, I'd demand the truth and then get yourselves to couples counselling asap. If you want to move on from this and want your marriage to succeed then he actually needs to be open about the level of betrayal there was. Total 100% honesty with no bullshit or pathetic excuses (storage issues on his phone? Purleeeease :rolleyes:). You need to sit down and have a proper conversation about this and then decide on the best course of action, but he needs to be honest and stop the lies.

nowyouresix

Sorry OP , but this sounds to me like as if he's probably met this girl online trawling for an intimate encounter or something of that like. He's more than likely filling you with a bull story. A spade is a spade. Personally, I wouldn't believe a word ....