Very Awkward Situation

LegacyUser

Hey lads,

I'll go unreg for this. My ex and I broke up 2 years ago (she broke up with me)..we got back together and then last December we broke up again. A lot of things have happened since. Few days after the break up she shifted someone else even though we were kissing and holding hands the same night. It was a bit of a grey area since I broke but the next few days after the split we pretty much carried on as a couple. I know a bit weird but I guess we were both confused. Anyways she shifted this guy at a house party that I was meant to collect her from. She acted all guilty on the phone and said she was ok for a lift after all. Eventually a friend told me he saw them kiss. Bit of a grey area as technically we were broken up...some of my friends think she did nothing wrong while others disagreed. I was just sad, confused and very hurt.

Fast forward 2/3 months later and we get back together. Everything is fine though honestly that kiss with that guy was always in the back of my head. I tried to sweep it under the carpet but it caused some resentment. We end up having a fight and we decide to call it a day again. The very next day she calls to my house in tears and begs for me to take her back. I genuinely cant say no to her so I agreed. Moving on to September we break up again (the last time ) It was a fairly good break up. Ended with tears but more tears of sharing past happy memories rather than typical break up anger.

Last few months we have stayed in a great deal of contact which has resulted in mixed up feeling for both parties. I slept with a few girls and started meeting another ( as did she) She found out and got jealous and wanted to end the friendship but ultimately we continued on as friends almost as best friends I would say. Anyways I thought I was over her in a romantic sense until she told me she was meeting a guy a few weeks ago. I acted fine though it hurt. Yesterday it all came out..I rang her over something mundane and flew off the handle. Now I wasn't too bad but for me it was out of character. I then texted her at 2am and 5am declaring I still loved her and that is what caused the heated exchange on my part. I then said maybe best we stop contact altogether so I deleted her from my facebook only to re add her about an hour ago.

I'm going on 30 and acting like a complete idiot. She has in fairness been no angel either..rubbing things in my face but in fairness to her lately she has been getting on with things and for the most part not hinting stuff to me. I gave her a text earlier and said sorry and hoped that we could just forget the last 24 hours but got no reply. Awkward thing is I have to see her..she owns a business and I need to do hours in there so I can save up for my travels. It's very hard for me....If I don't go into work for her I will struggle to raise the cash from my just my other job.

I wish I could just go travelng now and leave this mess behind me Head lads is totally wrecked. Sorry for the monster post but things 48 hours ago seemed grand and thought we moved on. Clearly I haven't...Any suggestions in how to not contact her outside of work stuff even though I really want to as she is after all my best friend too...

Thanks very much for reading!

JaneeMack

Why did you break up in the first place? and why did you decide to break up again recently?

Roisy7

What a mess.

I know she's your friend but I think it's time to cut contact. Do you have to be in contact with her for work? I mean really? Is there someone else you can talk to?

You're never going to get over her while ye're enmeshed like this. I'm not going to get into all the "he said, she said" stuff because it boils down to this.

This woman doesn't know what she wants. Neither do you. You're both acting like teens (I hope this doesn't sound harsh but I was very surprised to read that you're 30).

You've already wasted 3+ years of your life on this relationship, how much more time are you going to waste?

Why not go travelling if it's feasible?! You have to leave this mess behind. OK you're going to lose a friend by cutting contact, but ask yourself this. Would you let yourself be treated like this by any friend? No you wouldn't. In my experience, the fear of "losing a friend" when breaking up is often an excuse not to let go of a vicious cycle. When things are this bitter, friendship is never going to happen.

Let her go, for your own sake. Best of luck OP x

EDIT: Just after seeing the reason why you're working with her. OK. This can't be helped at the moment but is there any way to be just professional when you're in her company? Can you work around her hours? Can you look elsewhere for work, network etc? I know things are next to impossible at the moment, but you have to distance yourself from her emotionally even if you can't physically.

LegacyUser

Hey OP here again,

Janee Mack : Well I broke up with her because even though we got on great as friends the sexual chemistry was fairly lacking. Often we would go a month without sex and this obviously put a strain in the relationship. It made any physical contact in the bedroom very awkward. The last time we broke up was that kiss she had with that guy constantly played on my mind, even though technically we were not together I thought she disrespected me in front some of our friends by doing that and again sex also was not great.

Roisy7 : I know totally agree with you, very immature altogether. To be honest I love to just cut contact at this stage, just if I don't work with her then my chances of raising enough money to do what I want to do would severely diminish. My other job is hit and miss so to be able to save for such an expense would be probably out of the question hence why I have to do it. Also no way of avoiding her...other side of the coin I doubt at this stage she is too fond of the idea either.

I do think when you say wasting 3+ years of my life is a bit harsh..I had a great time for the most part We went traveling all over and had lots of fun but I get your sentiment.

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated!!

SunnyDub1

IMO you can't remain Friends with and Ex no matter how bad or good the relationship ended.
You will never get over someone or start a new chapter in your life when that person is still around. Why would you want to know how great their life is or isn't without you, or who they are kissing or who they are dating - it just seems silly to remain friends IMO.

I could be wrong here but to me it sounds like you where just jealous and wanting what you can no longer have. You don't love her, you just love her company and cause she was a big part of your life for sometime you still care for her.

You need to distance yourself for this girl and stop at the whole "good friends" situation. You removed her as a Friend on FB that's a start.
You made a mistake, you apologized for it so just hold your head up and face work, I am sure she will understand that you are there for work and not her.
You could also try get work else where.

Best of luck.

Roisy7

Unregguyfromsouth wrote: »

I do think when you say wasting 3+ years of my life is a bit harsh..I had a great time for the most part We went traveling all over and had lots of fun but I get your sentiment.

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated!!

I'm sorry if it did come off as that, it wasn't meant to!

It was more I couldn't get my head around the timeline- you broke up last December?


The work situation will be horrible but try to keep it professional. Think all contact should be cut apart from that though.

JaneeMack

If the sex wasn't great, why are you getting mad about her messing with somebody else? I can understand that you had a history and all that but sure you're not missing anything! She was probably trying to get over you by meeting somebody else. It's probably the shock of breakup and the hurt that is playing with your mind at the moment.

I think it's ok to maintain friendship as long as you're cool with her seeing somebody else and vice versa. If that takes not talking to each other for a while or maintaining a distance seeing that you work together, then do it. Avoid her, just be civil.

Physical distance always does the trick.