Aggressive Christmas Cards

Banbh

The first Christmas card arrived at Chez Banbh and it was a nasty piece of work.
It showed a figure - possibly Palestinian, probably Jewish - holding out his hands and smiling in a sinister manner. His insides were exposed, revealing a heart, punctured with thorns and dripping blood. The message urged me to keep this image before me over Christmas.
As we all know here, Christmas is a time for feasting and drinking and celebrating the turn of the year, and embarrasing ourselves at office parties, when the dark days of winter are defeated and the days lengthen. It is a time for getting merry with friends and relatives. A time for pints and pickles - but not necessarily together.
To have this horrific image on the mantle-piece would be a reminder of the horror of the Christian era when children were subjected to every kind of cruelty imaginable. It burned nicely. Tomorrow I will look for the loudest, most colourful, most gloriously joyous card to send in return. That's the Christmas spirit.

Dades

I have Humanist cards that I send to very specific people.

Nodin

I usually go for ones with pictures and no message. Cats and kittens are a winner, followed by Dogs and Chimps. Also Jim Fitzpatrick ones are good.

I'd much prefer passive aggressive Christmas cards tbh. Who doesn't love the passive-aggression of the Christ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHVRVFslme8

shofukan

I once got a card that read "Merry Christmas, you godless c*nt." I thought it was a bit full on, but to be fair I appreciated the gesture all the same.

Peregrinus

Dades wrote: »

I have Humanist cards that I send to very specific people.

What do you send to the very general people?

Banbh

The Humanist cards are a bit too... what's the word... 'holy' I suppose but in a secular sense.

I prefer something like the Spirit of Christmas Past as played by Robbie Coltrane with a turkey leg in one hand and a jug of punch in the other.

Is there any chance of an A+A card with a little message - "This card has helped to save a child from religious education."

Zillah

I'm dreading receiving cards from my new coworkers. Apparently it is the done thing around these parts. I am totally going to be the talk of the town for not giving Christmas cards to others.

Sarky

Just get a bunch of "My deepest sympathies" cards or something.

Zillah

I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR TERRIBLE LOSS
OF REASON

SEASONS GREETINGS

Dades

Peregrinus wrote: »

What do you send to the very general people?

Santas and snowmen ftw.

magicbastarder

Sarky wrote: »

Just get a bunch of "My deepest sympathies" cards or something.

i used to get 'on your ordination' cards for friends' birthdays years ago. can't get them anymore. you'd swear there was a shortage of new priests.

I get ones with cute animals for people

Actually no, I don't often give or receive any, but I am this year, and they're cute animals

robindch

username123

Im not much of a card giver anyway but this year definitely not.

Usually I do cards from the DSPCA or similar. Guinea pigs wearing santa hats and the like.

username123

username123 wrote: »

Im not much of a card giver anyway but this year definitely not.

Usually I do cards from the DSPCA or similar. Guinea pigs wearing santa hats and the like.

Yeah I have dogs trust ones I think

PopePalpatine

Any cards for Sol Invictus or Odin? :pac:

Beruthiel

Alternative xmas card:

darjeeling

My first Christmas card this year has massive boot-faced angels armed with hymns. I still quite like it though.

.

robindch

I kinda like this trad-style card:

Banbh

I would send it back to the heretic that sent it and remind him the the Pontifex Maximus has decreed that angels don't sing, only talk - like Irish people at parties.

kylith

I picked up some cards from St. Michael's House the other day, I don't usually donate to religious charities but I used to see them in my old job and they do great work. Out of 20 cards there were only 2 that were religious, which isn't bad going, and those are quite abstract anyway.

Zillah

Maybe I'll scrawl on it with a black permanent marker: RETURN TO SENDER - NO CHRISTIANS AT THIS ADDRESS

miss no stars

RNLI cards ftw... Nice designs and supports a good cause. No need to drag religion into winter-fest.

Delirium

Picked up a set of these cards :pac:

Sarky

Beruthiel wrote: »

Alternative xmas card:

The photographer said he'd make me a star

Hotblack Desiato

Zillah wrote: »

I'm dreading receiving cards from my new coworkers. Apparently it is the done thing around these parts. I am totally going to be the talk of the town for not giving Christmas cards to others.

There's no reason not to send Yule/Solstice/Winterval/Anyexcuseforaboozeup cards

Plenty of santa / rudolf / snowman type cards available in mainstream shops with no religious connotations at all.

Just remember. Those feckin' Xtians STOLE OUR YULE!!!

Bannasidhe

I am getting my ass kicked in the annual who's Irish Catholic parent can send the most infuriatingly supportive 'To my Son/Daughter and their Partner' card.
Unless my mother seriously ups her game this year, moves beyond her Constable fixation and gets something a bit fabulous I am sooo going to lose to a friend whose Dad who sent her a card with a fecking rainbow flag (made from silk like!) splashed across a hot pink background but which has a soft butch geometric overall design- it's the fecking Sheila's wheels of cards driven by Thelma and Louise as played by Lily Savage and Ellen DeGeneres :mad:

Daftendirekt

koth wrote: »

Picked up a set of these cards :pac:

They're actually kind of cool in a Nightmare Before Christmassy kind of way.

Daemonic

Just print out the xmas card from here - http://www.code-d.com/tesco-cards/

Preferably on a black and white printer to get the full 'I can't be arsed partaking in this ritual' effect.

iguana

I can't find the exact image but when I worked for Barnardos we used to sell a Xmas card that looked almost exactly like this.


It was incredibly popular and was pretty much sold out in November.