Dating someone who has had children

LittleFox

Hey just looking for some opinions or experiences really I have just started dating a guy, we met online,I'm 25 and he is 30, we have been chatting on and off for 6 months prior to meeting up. In the last week we were chatting and the topic of children came up and i found out he has a 7 year old daughter from an 8 year relationship.
She lives in England with her mother and he goes over twice a month to see her. My question is do many people have experience with this sort of situation, how did you react? I was a bit taken back at first, but feel grand with the situation now, it's more how others may comment on the fact that i'm young childless etc just starting career and getting involved with someone who already has a child.
It's early days but just looking for some advice really. Thank you

Stheno

LittleFox wrote: »

Hey just looking for some opinions or experiences really I have just started dating a guy, we met online,I'm 25 and he is 30, we have been chatting on and off for 6 months prior to meeting up. In the last week we were chatting and the topic of children came up and i found out he has a 7 year old daughter from an 8 year relationship.
She lives in England with her mother and he goes over twice a month to see her. My question is do many people have experience with this sort of situation, how did you react? I was a bit taken back at first, but feel grand with the situation now, it's more how others may comment on the fact that i'm young childless etc just starting career and getting involved with someone who already has a child.
It's early days but just looking for some advice really. Thank you

If you feel happy with the situation, then why let what others think bother you?

You'll always have to consider that his daughter does need to be part of his life etc, but that aside once you are happy with that I'd not let it stop you?

LittleFox

Thank you, I can't see it being a huge issue with friends etc, I think it would be more older family. I love kids have always been quite maternal. The fact that she lives in England means that it would be a while before she met me, if it gets that far so wouldn't need to worry about attachment or anythnig at the start. I guess just a little nervous about telling parents, as he says he didn't mention it to me for ages in case i ran a mile like other girls.

Lucyfur

Moved from tLL.

OP, I think here is better for your thread

LittleFox

Thank you

Lucyfur

My son was 6 ish when I met my OH. Same as you, we met online and chatted for months...I told him about my son immediately...probably in our first conversation.

I was a nervous wreck introducing them but thankfully it went fine. 4 years on, they are the best of friends. No one has ever had an issue with it

LittleFox

Ah that is brilliant to hear, thank you very much I'm feeling bit more relieved now. Yeah thought it was a little odd that he didnt mention her and only did when I asked did he want kids in the future.

Lucyfur

LittleFox wrote: »

Ah that is brilliant to hear, thank you very much I'm feeling bit more relieved now. Yeah thought it was a little odd that he didnt mention her and only did when I asked did he want kids in the future.

Well to be honest...I told him in a ''WELL?? ARE YOU GOING TO RUN AWAY???''. I was very defensive about being a single parent

LittleBook

LittleFox wrote: »

Yeah thought it was a little odd that he didnt mention her and only did when I asked did he want kids in the future.

I wouldn't worry too much about that, it's a bit of a minefield for single parents, particularly when the contact initially isn't face to face. It's really hard to know when is the right time to mention it and it sounds like it came up naturally enough when your questions were getting more and more personal.

6 months may seem like a longish time to wait but seeing as it was "on and off" and he brought it up after you'd agreed to meet up but before you did, seems perfectly fine to me.

LittleFox

Lucyfur wrote: »

Well to be honest...I told him in a ''WELL?? ARE YOU GOING TO RUN AWAY???''. I was very defensive about being a single parent

Ha ok I understand well I'm just glad he told me before I ended up at his surrounded by photos I may have been a little confused

LittleFox

LittleBook wrote: »

I wouldn't worry too much about that, it's a bit of a minefield for single parents, particularly when the contact initially isn't face to face. It's really hard to know when is the right time to mention it and it sounds like it came up naturally enough when your questions were getting more and more personal.

6 months may seem like a longish time to wait but seeing as it was "on and off" and he brought it up after you'd agreed to meet up but before you did, seems perfectly fine to me.

Thank you, yeah I would completely agree I just thanked him when he told me and made sure that mom was off the scene as I wouldnt want to get in the middle of a we may get back together situation. He sent me a pic then of himself and his daughter and she's absolutely gorgeous

njs030

I just wondering about something you said, he sees her twice a month. Is that 2 weekends a month?
If so are you happy that for those 2 weekends you won't see him, and that nights out, weekends away etc will have to be arranged around this.
It's probably not a huge deal as your at the very early stages but if things progress it can become a problem so it's worth thinking if your happy with that as you can't expect the child to rearrange her schedule to suit anyone else.
Good luck with it!!

CaraMay

Fair dues to him for travelling to the UK so much to see her - thats very admirable of him.

The negatives are of course that he will be away every second weekend but sure he could be working those weekends anyway and as well, if you are not all that into the idea of playing 'stepmom', the child is in England so you will have limited contact.