angry at meself

LegacyUser

Was on the bus out home last night, not too many on it and a few fellas on got on and sat behind me. They proceeded to start shouting, messing and throwing stuff - tickets, odd coin etc up and down bus. One of them then rubbed the back of my head/pulled hair. I was pissed off but just ignored it as didnt want to react and create a situation where I was outnumbered. I hate confrontation, am physically unimpressive or strong and lack assertiveness. However this morning I woke up and was furious with meself for not doing something and letting him/them get away and the more I think about it and remember back to them sniggering makes me even angier. What should I do if this happens again?

edellc

TBH OP I think you did the right thing, its not big or clever how they behaved but neither would it be if you tried to reason or say something to these morons as you where clearly outnumber and even if you where not you dont know if they would have turned violent if you said anything.

However not sure if it was a double decker or not but if you ever find yourself in this situation again and your up stairs on the bus, then move and go down stairs if your already down stairs and they are behind you then move closer to the driver. Let them say what they want its only words, do however say to the driver what has happened I have been on a bus on two occasions when the driver has pulled over and refused to move until the idiots have gotten off the bus or the guards have been called...it was quite shocking at the time and a bit frightening.

Assertiveness is not always about using words is about actions too and instead of freezing in this kind of situation, being aware and moving yourself away from the danger

LegacyUser

You did the right thing in the situation, you were outnumbered in a confined space. If it happens again you do the same. In a situation where you are outnumbered like this then your physical size, their attempt to be assholes/humiliate don't come into it. I'm sorry it happened but anyone of any gender, size or age would walk away.

Oryx

Those guys wanted a reaction, and you did the right thing in not giving them what they want. It is not weak to avoid them. Its a normal thing to go back over a situation, and with hindsight, think that you could have handled it better.

A friend of mine who works in security never openly reacts to verbal goading, and he maintains that if he ends up actually fighting he has probably done something wrong.

DeltaWhite

In fairness, if you had reacted and started fighting, it could have turned out a whole lot worse. Then you would have been angry at yourself for getting involved and you probably would have wished you said nothing and ignored them. I think you did the right thing. Waste of time, effort and energy even bothering with people like that!

ManOfMystery

I think we've all been in a similar situation OP. I know there have been times when I've been in a situation with a crowd of guys who were out of order and I always felt the next day like I should have behaved differently or done something.

However, as crap as you feel now, imagine how much worse you would feel if you had woken up today with black eyes, missing teeth, broken nose, or worse.

It's unfortunately a sad fact of life that we can't always make a stand against people who are being ignorant, rude or hostile, not when outnumbered and at great risk to ourselves ............... as much as we may want to.

Overthrow

It's a terrible feeling and there's no point in saying "it's not weak" etc... unfortunately in that situation you were the weak one. It doesn't mean you are weak; you were unlucky and it would be the exact same for 99% of people when picked on by a gang.

Unfortunately some groups of people get their kicks by outnumbering and outmuscling other people. We're somewhat conditioned by movies where the guy turns out to be some kind of ninja and kicks everyones ass...somehow that's now considered an easily attainable standard to aspire to. In the real world, being in the wrong place at the wrong time and getting picked on by a gang means there's little most people can do about it other than remove themselves from the situation.

Sometimes you just have to take these things and chalk it up to life experience. I can see how it would feel humiliating, but use it as inspiration to take up some self defense classes. If you're better trained you'd have at least a bit more of a choice in the situation.

You've nothing to be ashamed about, you were just unlucky.

mtjm

As the old saying goes; Ignoring/walking away is cheaper then a funeral or a big hospital bill

skyfall2012

Ask yourself what 'Bond' would have done? My guess is he would walk away and not give those guys the time of day, but if they attacked him, then he would kick some ass. But he would definitely have moved away to avoid any conflict if he could.

I would move away slowly and then run, the same way you would handle a dumb dangerous animal.

P. Breathnach

OP, the only thing wrong in your reaction is that your anger is targeted in the wrong direction. You should feel anger at them. But angry or not, it's generally best not to get involved in physical confrontation, even if you are in a position of advantage. It's madness when you are at a disadvantage.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies, advice and feedback, much appreciated.

xxmeabhxx

I've been in a similar situation. I was on a bus, it was actually packed and ended up sitting just in front of a group of skangery guys, late teens. They were throwing bits of paper at me and generally being loud and obnoxious. One of them turned to me and started telling me that the guy beside me was a rapist and had been done for sexual assault and sex crimes, at that point I just got up and moved downstairs without saying anything to them. They got off the bus a good few stops before me which I was incredibly thankful for because they were out of the way when I had to get off, it was about half ten at night. They were probably just talking the talk and trying to act big but it would have been pretty dangerous and stupid to confront them I think.