30th Birthday

82344

my long term girlfriend is going away this weekend with her friends to celebrate her 30th and I had something planned which she know about. she says that she wants to go with her friends as this weekend to galway is a bit of a tradition with them. she made this decision without talking to me first and she knows that i have a problem with it. I want her to go some other weekend as i think the weekend of her 30th birthday should be spent with our son and I. I have no problem with her going away for weekends. I'm taking this really bad and I'm not sure why. I feel she is bailing out as a more appealing offer for her birthday has presented itself. my question is.. am I over re acting ? I can't help feel that I'm being ditched. She left me about 8 years ago for someone else and this is playing over and over in my mind. Maybe I have abandonment issues ? As I read this back to myself I think I need professional help he.. he....

tinkerbell

You have a son together and she wants to head off and spend the weekend of her birthday with her friends? That is very weird to me. I would think at birthdays should be celebrated with your family first, friends second.

LegacyUser

Maybe she hasn't spent much time with her friends, and views this as an opportunity to?
Maybe she figures that this birthday won't be much different from other birthdays?
You might think you're being ditched for a day, maybe she feels ditched most days for having a child with you but still having the title of "longterm girlfriend" at 30, versus fiance or wife. It's not definite she feels this way, but it is a possibility, that she is deciding to treat this relationship as casually as you are...

IrishEyes19

whose plans were made first. her weekend away or the one with you?

I think you might be over reacting slightly, its hard enough for parents to get away for the night when kids are involved. so its a nice break for her too. you have to see that as well. couldnt you organise a weekend together another time. is it worth a fight?

Mighty_Mouse

It a tradition.It's her birthday.
You are being overly needy and clingy.
You are also using your son as leverage. Emotional blackmail.

ash23

What were your plans? If it's something like tickets or a weekend away and you had booked first, then she should have planned her weekend away for a different weekend.
If it's something like a dvd and a takeaway, then I can see why she would prefer to go away.

The bottom line is that she can (and probably does) spend most of her free time with you and the child. So something different might be exactly what she wants and needs to make her birthday special. Now, if you had booked a weekend to Paris then that's something different and special and she probably would have gone along. But if your plan was very simple and underwhelming then obviously she is going to prefer the weekend away with her pals.

The best gift you can give her now is to let her go and enjoy her weekend with her friends without guilting her over it and rearrange your plans for the following weekend.

I turned 30 recently and spent the day in the hairdressers and beauticians while my boyfriend looked after my daughter. I love him and I love my child. But I also love to get away by myself for a while too.

ManOfMystery

lkjlkj wrote: »

You might think you're being ditched for a day, maybe she feels ditched most days for having a child with you but still having the title of "longterm girlfriend" at 30, versus fiance or wife. It's not definite she feels this way, but it is a possibility, that she is deciding to treat this relationship as casually as you are...

Wow ............... reading into this much?

Why are you implying that the absence of marriage could be an issue when the OP had said nothing to imply this? Why imply the OP is treating the relationship casually by not being engaged or married when for all we know, that could be her decision? Why imply the OP is somehow at fault in their relationship when she's the one who left him for someone else in the past?

OP for what it's worth, I can see where you're coming from. However, it is her birthday and thus it's up to her what she would like to do. Just be happy for her and let her enjoy her day.

cantdecide

The tradition thing is grand, I think we can all understand that, especially as we get that bit older and feel like we need to retain as much of our younger days as possible. The question I'd ask is whether she has made any attempt to plan anything at all with the rest of you? I'd feel pretty aggrieved if there was nothing else and I were simply being excluded.

fungun

it kind of depends on what you had planned with her that she knew about. If it was just a local dinner out/family tea then I think its ok that when her friends suggested going away that she did it....however if you had organised something more than that, then i think its a bit much that she organised something else without talking to you about it.

i also kind of dont understand how this can be a tradition if this hasnt occurred before with her?