Feel everyone is laughing at me

LegacyUser

I work in a large office,seriously large, a few hundred people.
An office drone

I spent some time unemployed but I'm back working now and happy to be working.

I am very overweight, average height guy but about 17 stone but I'm working on this and booked sessions with a personal trainer for this month.
I paid up in advance for some extra commitment!

My problem is I constantly feel everyone is talking about me and laughing about me.

I wouldn't be the most confident of people, wouldn't be much good in groups but I do make an effort and go to team lunches and get involved in things.

And one on one I can chew the ear off anyone, taximan, shop worker, work colleague, I'm chatty like that.

I could be down the office car park and see some random person heading off to 5 a side football and I could chat away, have a laugh and let them go. I don't know them but I'll start a chat.

Far better one on one then a group.

I am ridiculously self conscious though and feeling a bit needy.

Asked a girl on another team for a favour to do with work training, she took two days to reply and in that time I'm constantly saying to myself she can't be bothered with you, you don't matter, she's probably laughing about what you asked. It wasn't a personal email, entirely to do with work.

I'm pretty new and once I send an email to the wrong team by mistake, the lad sits nearby and needlessly blew up and starting giving out about the email and "that's not my job", maybe he was stressed.
6 weeks later I'm constantly thinking this guy despises me and there is something wrong with me.

Waiting for the lift, two girls got out giggling and I felt bad as I reckon they saw overweight me and had a laugh.

Though I'm very new myself the boss think I'm fairly good and put me in charge of training two new hires, I did it well with the two lads.

Now two girls start this week, I'll be involved in training them but I'm finding myself worrying how I will come across.
Though as new hires they are probably more nervous then I am!

Does anyone else go through this?

Every evening I walk from my desk out the door past all the cubicles and desks and offices and watching eyes and I imagine everyone looks at me and laughs and "fat bastard" and "so shy and timid, what a joke"

I'm working hard on the fitness now but I'm beating myself up every single day.

I will say I went through bullying in secondary school and when I left school and now I live in Ballyfermot in Dublin and get hassle from the tracksuit brigade now and again near the shops.
I can be extremely defensive and shut down at times, constantly convinced I'm going to get picked on by lads and dismissed by girls and somehow it's my fault.

Not confident if you met me on the street but I work hard, am sound, just a bit quiet and softly spoken and terrified of what people think of me

LegacyUser

Hi sillyworries, you're not alone in feeling things like this.

First of all, congratulations on addressing your weight issues. Your self-esteem is undoubtedly partly tied up in this, and you're taking positive and definite steps to address this. Fair play to you, you should be proud of this.

I was the same weight as you, and I have many issues when it comes to self-esteem. It all came to a head earlier in the year, where I was effectively paralysed by an overwhelming constant barrage of self-judging negative thoughts. I was in the habit of 'beating myself up' every day, and thinking of things in such a way that things could never go right. It was a habit I developed, which festered due to my inability to confront things or even talk about things that made me feel bad. For my issues, I had to go down the route of counselling, which was great for me. You might not need to go down the same route at all, but it is something to consider, if you think you might need space to examine anything which might be bothering you. I experienced bullying also in my childhood, and it definitely affected my own attitude towards myself.

But enough about me. You need to change your mindset to thinking more positively about yourself. You are already naturally chatty, so it's not any innate shyness that holds you back. You may be overweight at the moment, but you are working hard to make yourself fitter, healthier and happier. You were unemployed, but you got yourself a job. These are three things about yourself which you should be rightly proud of.

With regard to those little situations at work, you're overthinking them, and you're applying your own preconceptions (that they laugh at you because they see you as how you judge yourself to be) to events which in all likelyhood have nothing to do with you at all. And even if they did, you're working in a large office, which a diverse cross-section of society, which unfortunately, as we learn in school, really does contain all sorts. But so be it. We can't control how people react to us, or think of us. But in your post, it's not others who are saying mean or hurtful things about you, but yourself. So stop it, by trying to recognise when your inner monologue goes off on a bullying tangent, and calling it out for what it is.

I hope this rambling post helps. Best of luck, and keep up the training. The endorphins alone are worth it.

DeltaWhite

OP you seem like such a nice person, I am guilty of over-thinking EVERYTHING on a daily basis, honestly I have a headache right this second from over-thinking silly things!

I understand that lacking confidence makes it really hard to just go out, be yourself and not give 2 f*ks what people think. Believe me, I personally think I am the most insecure girl in the world, but then I remember that I have yet to meet somebody that is totally secure and confident in themselves. Those people are a mystery I have yet to meet one! I would not worry about the giggling etc.. at the end of it all, IF people really are laughing at you, they are just childish, sad and pathetic. And I dont mean to be harsh, but you cannot change the way people act/think. The one thing I hate about society is how judgemental we all seem to be, how quick we are to point out stupid and non-important things about other people like appearance etc..

Not all of us are judgemental of slightly bigger people! My last BF was 17 stone and I LOVED it! New BF is 16 stone... so I dont know why you think you're very overweight! Fair enough if you're not happy in yourself and I see that you are taking steps to change that - FAIR PLAY I work with a guy who has lost over 4 stone from going to those Bootcamp training sessions! (they are supposedly brilliant and he made lots of friends) It has been a long road for him, but it is possible! Keep yourself optimistic and always ALWAYS think positive, negative vibes will only drag you down!

About your insecurities with talking to people, that is arising from your lack of confidence and I think that seeing as you can chat one to one, there is absolutely no reason why you cant have group chats! You have to just remember that everyone feels like this at times. Everyone gets insecure, everyone lacks confidence from time to time. You should not even get worked up thinking that you cant talk in a group! When you start feeling better in yourself you will show it on the outside and inside

Ps.. dont mind the trakkie brigade in Ballyer.. I get stick off them all the time and you know why? Because they lack intelligence! You should be pitying them

Good luck OP X

IrishEyes19

OP, agree with others posters here. Well done on your plan now to get fitter. I think honestly its you being so hard on yourself and wanting to be healthier thats getting you down and making you feel like everyone is judging you.

you are going to be amazed at the results once you start your new regime. Get on it straight away I say and reep the benefits now. Just keep thinking of how great you will look when you're half way through and what they will think then. think positive OP. It counts for just as much as all the physical changes you're about to make.

ennis81

You sound like such a nice guy, I too am an overthinker and a worrier:rolleyes:
Most people have their own problems and to be honest are more wrapped up in them than talking about or laughing at you, i promise;)
Do your job, smile at people and try and have some light hearted banter, only complete morans judge anybody on their weight!! and we have all made minor mistakes in work every so often, don't be so hard on yourself.
Good luck with the weight loss and training with the personal trainer, do it for yourself and try and enjoy life, you only get one go on this crazy merrygoround!!!
p.s I like shy people way more than loud gobby ones!! be proud of yourself;)

LegacyUser

OP I'm right there with you. I was even heavier than you are and I'm a girl! I've lost 5.5 stone with personal training and Motivation Weight loss which was a HUGE financial investment but really worth it. However, I've been suffering emotionally for nearly a year now (cooincides with weight loss and confronting the real problems) and I am constantly berating myself in my head, hate being around anyone (although i feel like work is an escape from my thoughts) and have been going to counselling. I think it's the only way to sort out the negative thoughts.It's important to remember (but difficult to) that people have their own issues and are not actually giving you as much thought as you'd think! I'd encourage you to keep up the healthy plan and maybe look at counselling.Good luck You sound really lovely and I, too, prefer quiet people as I find loud people can be intimidating!!You'd be surprised!

Feets

I have never worked in an office where people laugh at people they don't know. I just think its a school kid thing and stays there. I understand you might not have much confidence and that is why you automatically assume the worst. You must be an alright guy to be worried about peoples perception of you. I bet the reason you might feel on the outside is because they don't know you, plain and simple. I really wouldn't think its personal. If I meet people who dont like me from the off set, I work on bringing them around and if they still don't like me, it doesn;t bother me as I have tried with them...

Luca Brasi

Fair dues for addressing the weight issue. It will take time but you will be surprised how you attitude will change with some weight loss and confidence will be restored. The use of a personal trainer is a good idea and I know several people who took the same approach. The fact is that everyone has something about their body that they dont like but most just doesent let it take over.
If someone is certainly having a laugh at you say something like "I'm glad I came in today or ye would have nothing to laugh about" and try a build up a few witty comebacks to put them in their place such as "I am dealing with my weight issue, Your girlfriend told me about your bed wetting problem. Any improvement on that situation lately" I know that will take a bit of neck but you are giving the mesage that you regard them as clowns