Helping a bi-polar friend

eviltwin

Mods I am not sure if I have posted this in the right forum so apologies if it needs to be moved.

I have a good mate who is bi-polar, she's lived abroad for most of the last 10 years and in the few years she has been home has been doing really well so I have never seen her in a bad way.

However in the past two weeks she has taken a real down turn, a combination of a lot of things, family issues, losing her job and relationship etc. She is in a hospital at the moment getting treatment. I have been into see her and am really shocked, she is like a shell of her former self and I have no idea what I need to do to help and support her.

Its not helped by the fact our other friends have backed off out of fear. I have depression myself so understand the need to have good support around you but I don't know what to say/do to help her. I am terrified of making it worse.

Can anyone show me links to any sites or offer some words of wisdom?

Odysseus

The most important thing is just be the friend you have always been for her, the rest will work its way out.

WildRosie

I have been where your friend is so will try and offer a little assistance based on my experience. Firstly you are very unlikely to make it worse, highly unlikely.

When you visit her, acknowledge that she is in hospital. Ask her how she's feeling today, how is she finding being in hospital, what did she do today. Don't pretend like you're in Starbucks and chat away about X Factor or something (my friends did this and I was quite hurt that they didn't actually ask me how I was). Think of it like this, if she was in hospital after getting her appendix out you'd ask her all those things right? It's no different just because she is being treated for a mental health condition.

Ask her if there is anything you could get her from the shops like sweets, a magazine, shower gel etc. If she asks for something check if it's ok to bring it on to the ward (some wards are more restricted than others). Maybe she'd like to go for a walk off the ward if that's allowed. Most of all just be there. You don't really have to say much to let her know you care. Just sitting together and being normal. Don't treat her differently - she's still the very same friend you had before she got sick.

Specific things that helped me when I was in hospital:

• Being told I was loved;
• People visiting when they said they would (may seem small or petty but when you're sad and lonely and desperately want a hug it does kinda matter );
• People being normal - telling me about stuff in their lives, asking my opinion like they normally would etc;
• A little text at night saying nice to see you today or looking forward to seeing you tomorrow etc (she may not have her phone depending on the ward).

These are just things that have made my bad times more bearable, everyone's different. Really hope your friend feels better soon. She's lucky to have a friend to be there for her.