Would you be annoyed by this? Facebook 'p0rn'

LegacyUser

I feel like I have a right to be annoyed by this but I'd like other peoples opinions of it.

I have no problem with my partner looking at porn. It's a natural thing but I also believe it's a personal thing to be kept to yourself. I don't mean denying that you look at ite but just rather keeping it to yourself when you do watch/look at it.

And here-in lies the problem: My OH 'likes' a lot of pornographic images on facebook. The straw that broke the camels back was today when it popped up that he 'liked' a dogging page picture of a girl in her underwear.

I confronted him regarding this before asking him not to 'like' these things as ALL of his friends, our mutual friends plus his family can see these likes and I think it is quite disrespectful to me. He claimed that he didn't realise he had liked it and removed all the likes.

I confronted him straight away today when I saw the latest one. I asked him was he looking up dogging on facebook and he admitted that he had. He said he didn't mean to like anything. I said that I was hurt and embarrassed that it is 'public knowledge'.

I've told him I'm angry and embarrassed and not going to see him for a few days. Am I over reacting? Would you let this go?

Infinitejester

Hey OP.

To be honest this would really bother me too. Like you said you understand that people watch porn and that's perfectly acceptable. But in my opinion it's totally inappropriate to be liking porn on a social media site where all your friends and family can see. It's totally disrespectful to you and generally just unsavoury.

I'd also be worried about the fact that he was looking up and liking dogging pages. Were they specific to your area? As far as I'm aware dogging is where strangers meet in specific spots to have sex. If my boyfriend was looking up that type of thing I would definitely be worried.

As to what you should do... I'm not sure. Take some time for yourself and re-evaluate the relationship maybe? Talk to him and see why he feels the need to do this.

Good luck x

I can imagine this is purely by accident? I discovered recently that livingsocial had linked stuff on my FB page that I'd bought recently, but I had no idea it was there. So many websites have a small link to facebook and twitter on their sites I can imagine it might happen if he's not careful.
I really don't think any young man would want porn showing up on his facebook where his family members can see it.
I think you need to explain to him that he needs to log out from facebook before he starts surfing for porn and to always check it afterwards to make sure it's not showing up. I don't see the need for any relationship re-evaluating if that's all it is.

edit: Not going to see him for a few days over this? Yes, certainly overreacting. Do you think he's thick enough that he thinks porn all over his FB is ok? Do you not trust or believe him that it wasn't deliberate when he said so?

djimi

I doubt I would be too bothered by it (perhaps being male I have a different viewpoint on things like online porn...) but in fairness why on earth would anyone want to like something like that on Facebook in the first place? Tell him to cop onto himself, that no all of his FB friends want or need to know what he looks at on the internet...

If you want to know if you overreacted by saying you didnt want to see him for a few days or whatever then yes, in my opinion you did. If my partner acted like that about something like this I would not be in the slightest bit impressed. Discuss it like adults, make him aware that he is being an idiot and leave it at that. There is no need for the emotional guilt trip; mature adults dont act like that.

ash23

I have to say I always cringe when I see lads I know liking pictures on FB where some girl has her tits/ass out. But equally I cringe when I see people liking really sentimental, gushy "inspirational" posts. Each to their own I guess.

But no, I don't think I'd be ok with someone I was with liking those kind of pics when my mum and dad are on FB and it would be seen by them and they might form a negative opinion of him based on that.

I'd talk to him about it and explain it though. I wouldn't do the silent treatment thing. I'd talk to him about it. Although, it seems you have and he hasn't changed anything so I can see why you're angry.

curlzy

Wow. Did you over-react? NO, not at all. Extremely disrespectful. Even more so considering you've already discussed this with him. He sounds like a bit of a dog and I've be re-evaluating the relationship to be honest. I'd be steaming that his perversions are public knowledge, how the hell are you supposed to look family and friends in the eye when it's public knowledge that your BF looks up and "likes" dogging, which is an activity in which you meet strangers for sex. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

djimi

Maybe I just dont use FB enough to see this kind of thing, but am I right in thinking that anything like that that would appear on FB has got to be pretty tame, ie nothing more than you would see on page 3 of a redtop newspaper or something like Nuts or Zoo? If you consider that a perversion or whatevre then I think you need to seriously re-evaluate how you look at such matters...

LegacyUser

djimi wrote: »

Maybe I just dont use FB enough to see this kind of thing, but am I right in thinking that anything like that that would appear on FB has got to be pretty tame, ie nothing more than you would see on page 3 of a redtop newspaper or something like Nuts or Zoo? If you consider that a perversion or whatevre then I think you need to seriously re-evaluate how you look at such matters...

+ 1 Facebook has pretty strict anti-porn rules so anything that's on there is either super tame or the odd hack job when someones account gets hijacked and spamming. A friend had a picture removed of her breast feeding her newborn as facebook deemed it porn.

ash23

djimi wrote: »

Maybe I just dont use FB enough to see this kind of thing, but am I right in thinking that anything like that that would appear on FB has got to be pretty tame, ie nothing more than you would see on page 3 of a redtop newspaper or something like Nuts or Zoo? If you consider that a perversion or whatevre then I think you need to seriously re-evaluate how you look at such matters...

I don't agree to be honest. If my partner registers an interest in a fetish, such as dogging (in the OPs case) or swinging or S&M, it would reflect on me as people may assume, because I am in a sexual relationship with that person, that I am also "into" that fetish too.

I think it's a matter of consideration for your partner to keep your sex life private and not to reflect badly on your partner.

Infinitejester

djimi wrote: »

Maybe I just dont use FB enough to see this kind of thing, but am I right in thinking that anything like that that would appear on FB has got to be pretty tame, ie nothing more than you would see on page 3 of a redtop newspaper or something like Nuts or Zoo? If you consider that a perversion or whatevre then I think you need to seriously re-evaluate how you look at such matters...

I don't think the OP has mentioned thinking of anything as a "perversion". She said herself she's fine with him looking at porn.

It's completely different that he's looking and liking this stuff on Facebook though. I mean, looking sure, whatever, but why is it necessary to like them. Which is what he must be doing, I don't buy that he doesn't know how it has happened.

I have one or two friends on Facebook that like suggestive photos of women in bikinis and sexy poses. I don't really need that sort of stuff to pop up when I lot into Facebook. I'm no prude now but it's just not necessary.

To like a dogging page also goes a bit beyond the level of page 3 stuff, in my opinion.

P. Breathnach

OP, you may feel embarrassed, but he should feel much more so. It is idiotic to draw fairly general attention to one's tastes in porn (even porn so mild that facebook allows it). I suspect that your boyfriend is somewhat naive about how facebook works, and that it never crossed his mind that by clicking that he liked something he was making that known to others.

I would equate his behaviour with going to the toilet in public: vulgar, but not necessarily evil.

Within fairly broad limits, I don't think that what a man is interested in as porn is much of an indicator of what he is like in real life.

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe just ask him to look through his friends list.. and think about if there's anyone in there he would rather not share this type of information with. People that he would not discuss this with openly, in person.

Tell him every time he 'likes' something or comments on something it appears in the news feed of every person in his list of friends. Whether or not his friends 'like' it, or are friends with the people/page, they can see his activity.

I think he just doesn't 'get it'. Ask him to look through his own news feed and see how often it pops up that such-a-person likes such-a-post or such-a-page etc.

Tell him he can then either go about setting up groups so that only certain people can see his activity or not, as the case may be.. or.. he can just stop 'liking' the pages.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all the replies.

He is adamant that it was completely by accident that he clicked the 'like' button. He couldn't find the picture again to unlike it so deactivated his facebook until he can get to a computer to 'unlike' it.

I really am not a prude when it comes to porn etc. The picture was tame yes but the caption was 'who's up for some fun tonight? I'll be in such a such a place'. Now this place is in another country so I know he wasn't planning on going there but I just felt rotten when I saw 'dogging' and a like beside it.

LegacyUser

He did it again. It wasn't dogging, it was a page full of girls with little to no clothes on.

I've removed him from my friends list and am currently ignoring him.

He said he's sorry. But really, this is the second time this has happened in the space of a few months. He doesn't respect me.

LittleBook

confusedUser wrote: »

I have no problem with my partner looking at porn. It's a natural thing but I also believe it's a personal thing to be kept to yourself

My OH 'likes' a lot of pornographic images on facebook. The straw that broke the camels back was today when it popped up that he 'liked' a dogging page picture of a girl in her underwear.

I confronted him regarding this before asking him not to 'like' these things as ALL of his friends, our mutual friends plus his family can see these likes and I think it is quite disrespectful to me. He claimed that he didn't realise he had liked it and removed all the likes.

confusedUser wrote: »

He is adamant that it was completely by accident that he clicked the 'like' button. He couldn't find the picture again to unlike it so deactivated his facebook until he can get to a computer to 'unlike' it.

confusedUser wrote: »

He did it again. It wasn't dogging, it was a page full of girls with little to no clothes on.

I've removed him from my friends list and am currently ignoring him.

He said he's sorry. But really, this is the second time this has happened in the space of a few months. He doesn't respect me.

It seems so but I'd be just as concerned about how dumb he is. Even if he did it by accident, finding a picture you've liked in order to unlike it is not rocket science. How old is he? How long have you been together? Do you really want to be with someone who is that stupid?

There's plenty of porn on the internet without advertising the fact that you "like" dogging to your own family and friends and humiliating your partner.

smash

Honestly he sounds like a complete and utter moron. You don't go on to facebook looking for porn, it's not google! And you certainly don't 'like' that kind of stuff when you're family and friends can see your activities!

shalalala

Op. Seems like he cannot learn from previous mistakes. So he isn't worth it. Sorry op.

Toast4532

Personally I would dump him. He zero respect for you or your relationship.

I mean, who 'likes' porn on Facebook? Is he really that comfortable with his family/friends/colleagues knowing he likes this kind of thing?

The fact that you have discussed it and he still went ahead and 'liked' more pages would be enough for me to dump him. He will continue to do this, he doesn't give a damn what you think/feel about it, he hasn't given a damn so far, so why would he start now?

I would be mortified to be known as his girlfriend to be honest.

P. Breathnach

OP, if you decide to dump him, you should be clear in your mind why you do it.

It should not be for looking for or at such pictures; it should not be for liking them and making that known; it should not even be for disrespecting you. It should be because he is an idiot.

blatantrereg

You'd be well-advised to distinguish between a mistake and a transgression. He hardly was adding likes to the pics on purpose. Annoying - yes. Embarrassing - absolutely. Disrespectful - no I don't think so. He was pretty stupid, but he hasn't actually done anything wrong imo.

The Corinthian

I can never get over how some people will effectively pour out their deepest, darkest secrets on Facebook (or anywhere else on the Interweb, where they can be identified) and never consider the consequences.

I'm friends with one of my parents on Facebook, not to mention a number of other relatives and 'friends' that while I'd have a drink with, would hardly consider confidants. The idea of blatantly making it known that I may be into [INSERT FETISH/PROCLIVITY] to all of them is utterly insane to me.

Equally, were my OH, whom they know and is also connected to many of them, to publicly show interest in [INSERT FETISH/PROCLIVITY], this would obviously reflect on me; for example, given that many of my relatives and friends are Italian, were she to show an interest in 'dogging' would essentially brand me, by association, a cuckold, which in southern Europe tends to be pretty much the worst thing you can be branded as.

The OP really needs to understand this; it's for his benefit too. If he's too dumb to do so (as appears to be the case), it may be time to re-evaluate whether she wants to be associated with such a social liability.

WhatNowForUs?

If you are going through porn sites it can pop up on your Facebook page if you accidently press the wrong button. This guy needs to stop his porn activities on the net. He does not seem to be able to learn from his mistakes.

Mr. Incognito

Does he have any sisters or you pals with his Mother?

Get them to ring him and ask him why he is liking dogging pages

Might make it a little less abstract

The fool could lose his job if any of his co-workers are friends

Is he an Idiot??