Is it ok to ask a friend not to bring her children to visit (with a good reason)?

mosi

I'll be heading out to my family's house for the Christmas and there is a good chance that a friend of mine from the area might visit on one of the days (she usually does).
Thing is, she has two children...one a young baby and the other starting to walk, and I would rather she not bring them with her (I know that she would have no bother getting them minded). The main reason I would rather she didn't them with her is that between myself and my parents there will be five dogs (possibly six but my OH will probably take one of ours with him over Xmas) in the house. They are all house dogs so putting them out the back for a few hours isn't an option. Going somewhere else isn't really on either, as I don't expect my parents to mind my dogs as well as their's. It would just be too stressful, especially for my parents.
Anyway, given the circumstances, would it be ok to request that she doesn't bring the kids? My OH thinks that asking that is a no-no, but I see it as the sensible option.

I think the most straightforward option is just to explain to her there'll be a number of dogs around the house so she may not want the children there herself
Don't open with "can you not bring the kids please" whatever you do anyway...

cafecolour

Yeah, just tell her something like "I'd love to see you, but I'm a little worried about your children. You see, they'll be six dogs here, and some of them aren't used to young children."

Honestly, she'd have to be a bit mad to bring her kids after you telling her something like that!

Dingle_berry

It all depends on how you ask. But it sounds more sensible if the children weren't there. Even more so if the dogs aren't used to children.

IrishEyes19

and what do you say then if she says. oh its fine, we have dogs at home or the relatives have dogs. they'll be grand.

seriously dont slide around about details like this. say it straight but politely, that the kids are lovely, but with dogs and relatives and the house being packed, your mam and dad will be over whelmed and would she mind if it was just all adults on this occassion. honesty if possible is always the best.

Neyite

Could you visit her at her place instead?

woodchuck

I'm not sure I understand the problem... are you afraid the dogs would attack the children? Or is it a case of having a lot of dogs and children in the house at once would be too hectic?

Could you, your friend and the kids not just all stick to the one room that you keep off bounds temporarily to the dogs? Eg. stay in the sitting room with the door closed?

edellc

OP there is no way you can ask her not to bring the kids thats just rude

as for the dogs being house dogs dont make me laugh, i had a "house dog" but the dog did leave the house and go out the back garden...what about number 2's and exercise, seriously a couple of hours outside is no harm, its actually very healthy for them

But if you refuse to do this then why not do as woodchuck says, use one room for your guest and kids thats a no go for the dogs just for the little while they come to visit, surely thats not going to kill anyone.

Also how do you know that she will have no problem getting someone to mind the kids, I mean if I look at your situation I would say that you would have no problem getting someone to mind the dogs, whats the difference between 5 dogs and 6...none really and if you say their all house dogs well most house dogs I know are placid and quiet hence the reason why they are house dogs, so whats to stop you going to visit her...just sounds to me like you dont want to you just want her to come to you but on your terms

LegacyUser

Ugh I can't understand attitudes like the one above. You have every right to not lock your dogs outside on a cold day like the 25th of December is certainly going to be just because someone who may visit will bring her "precious little angels" along. No-one has the right to demand that someone put thier dogs outside, it's the dogs home, not the visiting childrens.

As for someone saying "if I look at your situation I would say that you would have no problem getting someone to mind the dogs" - that's just an assumption made up on the spot.

meeeeh

We have the most spoiled dog on the planet who is not just a house dog, we even wrote of a leather armchair so his highness can park his bottom on, but I'd have no problem keeping him in a different room or outside the house for a day if needed.

I think it's a bit arrogant for you to expect from her to look for a child minder during the holidays just so she can visit you. Either suggest that you visit her or make up some silly excuse so she doesn't come if you can't keep your dogs away. I don't what your circumstances are but usually when visiting my home country I make arragements to meet my friends out or visit them at their homes. It's just a lot easier, especially for my parents so they don't have to entertain too many of my friends.

keithclancy

mosi wrote: »

I'll be heading out to my family's house for the Christmas and there is a good chance that a friend of mine from the area might visit on one of the days (she usually does).
Thing is, she has two children...one a young baby and the other starting to walk, and I would rather she not bring them with her (I know that she would have no bother getting them minded). The main reason I would rather she didn't them with her is that between myself and my parents there will be five dogs (possibly six but my OH will probably take one of ours with him over Xmas) in the house. They are all house dogs so putting them out the back for a few hours isn't an option. Going somewhere else isn't really on either, as I don't expect my parents to mind my dogs as well as their's. It would just be too stressful, especially for my parents.
Anyway, given the circumstances, would it be ok to request that she doesn't bring the kids? My OH thinks that asking that is a no-no, but I see it as the sensible option.

Hmm ..

You: Hey come visit .. but don't bring your kids ! Will be great to see you !!

Me: Nah your grand thanks, sounds like its less hassle to not visit at all.

LegacyUser

Have to say I'm finding the replies very odd. I don't see how it's rude to just ask her if she's able to visit without the kids, it's not the OP's house after all and if she says no then make plans to either meet at hers or meet somewhere half way between and if that doesn't work well you'll just have to meet up at another time. Talk about over complicating things.

edellc

dogsnotkids wrote: »

As for someone saying "if I look at your situation I would say that you would have no problem getting someone to mind the dogs" - that's just an assumption made up on the spot.

just like the assumption she has made on her friend about getting childcare....

and who has actually said the friend is visiting on the 25th december? who and where is that said NOWHERE

your argument falls flat on its face tbh

fungun

Depends on your friend and what they are like - we have invited people on an 'adult only' basis before and was fine with most people but one or two got annoyed by us and labelled us 'anti-child'.....odd, considering we have kids ourselves :pac:

meeeeh

I think it's very different if you make dinner party type arrangements and people should be ok with leaving kids behind. But when a friend is making an effort to visit you for a cup of tea or somethingI think it's a bit insulting to tell them to come without kids because it might upset your dogs.

Either make excuse and avoid meeting them or make an effort and visit them. I don't get easily offended but if someone would call me to tell me I can only visit if I leave my brats at home I would take it as a sign that that person isn't overly eager to see me.

Btw there were plenty of times I left the child at home, i would never take him ( them now) to a wedding and never for a dinner out unless it's with the family who really want him (them) there. But making child minding arrangements so I can visit someone for an hour during ghe day is ridiculous,

mosi

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

and what do you say then if she says. oh its fine, we have dogs at home or the relatives have dogs. they'll be grand.
.

That's what I'm worried about...

Neyite wrote: »

Could you visit her at her place instead?

I won't have my own transport out there, which is why she comes out my way. Also, it would mean leaving the dogs with my parents, and I don't know if they could manage.

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm not sure I understand the problem... are you afraid the dogs would attack the children? Or is it a case of having a lot of dogs and children in the house at once would be too hectic?

Could you, your friend and the kids not just all stick to the one room that you keep off bounds temporarily to the dogs? Eg. stay in the sitting room with the door closed?

It's not that I think they would attack the kids...I just don't want to take the chance. Two are very large and could knock over a child, two are quite excitable, and one is completely untested around kids. They'll be excited anyway with the upheaval of Xmas. The different room option won't really work, as I'll be doing that quite a bit anyway, so as not to have all of the dogs on top of each other. My parents' nerves would be shot, with kids added into the mix.

edellc wrote: »

OP there is no way you can ask her not to bring the kids thats just rude

as for the dogs being house dogs dont make me laugh, i had a "house dog" but the dog did leave the house and go out the back garden...what about number 2's and exercise, seriously a couple of hours outside is no harm, its actually very healthy for them

But if you refuse to do this then why not do as woodchuck says, use one room for your guest and kids thats a no go for the dogs just for the little while they come to visit, surely thats not going to kill anyone.

Also how do you know that she will have no problem getting someone to mind the kids, I mean if I look at your situation I would say that you would have no problem getting someone to mind the dogs, whats the difference between 5 dogs and 6...none really and if you say their all house dogs well most house dogs I know are placid and quiet hence the reason why they are house dogs, so whats to stop you going to visit her...just sounds to me like you dont want to you just want her to come to you but on your terms

They go out to the yard to do their business and are keen to come in as soon as they are done. As for exercise they get walks. It will likely be very cold and two of the dogs (greyhound and mastiff mix) have short hair and not a lot of fat. The mastiff was previously kept outside all the time (by his last owner) and this, combined with poor feeding, meant he was quite underweight. I only have him a few weeks, and he is still getting there. One of my parents' dogs has recently been treated for cancer, while another is 14 years old.

As for her being able to get the kids minded, even if her partner is unavailable, her family can't get enough of the kids, and she is usually fighting them off to get the kids to herself.

cant log in wrote: »

Have to say I'm finding the replies very odd. I don't see how it's rude to just ask her if she's able to visit without the kids, it's not the OP's house after all and if she says no then make plans to either meet at hers or meet somewhere half way between and if that doesn't work well you'll just have to meet up at another time. Talk about over complicating things.

It would be different if it was my house. I have my own management procedures and set up at home. I think I may have to try the route of saying "the kids are welcome but...", and be very explicit with my concerns. If that doesn't work, then I'll just have to make some excuses.

username123

cant log in wrote: »

Have to say I'm finding the replies very odd. I don't see how it's rude to just ask her if she's able to visit without the kids, it's not the OP's house after all and if she says no then make plans to either meet at hers or meet somewhere half way between and if that doesn't work well you'll just have to meet up at another time. Talk about over complicating things.

Absolutely agree.

I dont like people visiting my home with children as its not remotely child proof and everytime someone visits with children the children get bored and my stuff gets broken.

I definitely wouldnt like to be mixing dogs and children in someone elses home!

I dont see whats rude about saying to your friend that it would be more sensible to leave the kids at home given the circumstances?

LegacyUser

mosi wrote: »

It would be different if it was my house. I have my own management procedures and set up at home. I think I may have to try the route of saying "the kids are welcome but...", and be very explicit with my concerns. If that doesn't work, then I'll just have to make some excuses.

It was the fact that it wasn't your house that jumped out at me from the first post more then the dogs OP. I've been living over seas for the past 3 years and I find it hard sometimes when I come as my parents live in the back end of the country and I find myself stuck trying to meet people without a car so alot of my friends from the area will call over and either hang out at my parents house or pick me up and we'll go some place else. I have had to tell friends with kids that the kids can't come over to the house. My parents have asked I not invite my friends kids over. I could sit here and write out their reasons but you know what it is their house and I respect their wishes. I don't make excuses I tell my friends straight out and not one has had issue. Most will suggest picking me up and going to town with them and the kid, some come on their own and the odd time they don't want to go into town and can't leave the kids so we just say fine we'll try and meet up on another day. It's really not that big of an issue.

I seriously don't understand people freaking out over this. It's not someone calling your kids brats when they ask you not bring them, it's just a time and place were it's not suitable to bring kids along and you either can or you can't.

tinkerbell

I don't understand why people are saying the OP is unreasonable. For some people, dogs are their life, the way those people who have kids their kids are their life. Telling someone to just throw their dogs outside because someone wants to bring their kids is insulting to the home owner who wishes for their dog to stay inside.

The OP has every right to ask that the friend doesn't bring her kids. It's a completely unsuitable environment for a kid to be in anyway and the friend would be fairly stupid to insist on bringing her kids over to a place with 5 or 6 dogs. If you are visiting a person's house, you respect their home, you don't just arrive over and expect to throw their house dogs into the freezing cold because you wouldn't leave the kids at home.

Finally, it's not even the OP's home, so it's unfair to just have her friend and kids landing on the doorstep.

IrishEyes19

dogsnotkids wrote: »

Ugh I can't understand attitudes like the one above. You have every right to not lock your dogs outside on a cold day like the 25th of December is certainly going to be just because someone who may visit will bring her "precious little angels" along. No-one has the right to demand that someone put thier dogs outside, it's the dogs home, not the visiting childrens.

As for someone saying "if I look at your situation I would say that you would have no problem getting someone to mind the dogs" - that's just an assumption made up on the spot.

exactly! And whoever said theres no such thing as house dogs. thats incorrect. There actually are breeds who are not made for outside weather and have no interest in playing outside all day and need human company a lot. we have one.

OP, I liked the idea of you visiting this year, might solve your problem.

Sittingpretty

I doubt you'll have much of an issue to be honest. No one seems to have credited the mother with any sense.
I'm a parent. Wouldn't dream of bringing children to a house where I know there are 6 indoor dogs that I'm or my children aren't familiar with.

CaraMay

Explain as you did above that some of the dogs have never been near kids and you dont know how they will react. I would not bring my kids into that scenario. If she doesnt get the hint either try and meet her half way or just explain you are too nervous having the kids and 6 dogs there (especially as you only have one dog a few weeks) but you would love to see her.

Daisy M

mosi wrote: »

That's what I'm worried about...



I won't have my own transport out there, which is why she comes out my way. Also, it would mean leaving the dogs with my parents, and I don't know if they could manage.



It's not that I think they would attack the kids...I just don't want to take the chance. Two are very large and could knock over a child, two are quite excitable, and one is completely untested around kids. They'll be excited anyway with the upheaval of Xmas. The different room option won't really work, as I'll be doing that quite a bit anyway, so as not to have all of the dogs on top of each other. My parents' nerves would be shot, with kids added into the mix.

.

If I were you op I would be more concerned with how my parents would cope with so many dogs in their home. If they wouldnt actually be able to manage to mind the dogs for a few hours how will they be able to cope with them been in the house for a few days?

mosi

Daisy M wrote: »

If I were you op I would be more concerned with how my parents would cope with so many dogs in their home. If they wouldnt actually be able to manage to mind the dogs for a few hours how will they be able to cope with them been in the house for a few days?

That's kind of the point of me not leaving them with them. I'll be supervising my lot constantly when I'm out there, so there won't be extra for my family to cope with...the extra dogs are ok while there's the extra person to go with them

skyfall2012

I have fallen out with my mother over this exact issue. She has about 5 dogs at a time, some strange to us, one even bit one of my children, he was a pup at the time. She doesn't like putting them out, because they are house dog's, but my kids are terrified of them, end result is, we rarely visit her at home, we try to meet her in town in a coffee shop.

Daisy M

To be honest I don't think you understood my point, I probably did not word it very well.
From what you have said in your post it sounds as though your dogs need to be watched full time and need to be separated while in your parents house at least. So every time your parents enter or leave one of the rooms the dogs are in they need to make sure they close the door after them or ww3 may break out. They will probably have a dog running under their feet quiet a lot of the time, might this be dangerous for them too?

I am not trying to be critical but you have made the dogs sound like a lot of work and even though you are taking responsibility it sounds as though this could well be a stressful situation for your parents.

armitage1971

Daisy M wrote: »

To be honest I don't think you understood my point, I probably did not word it very well.
From what you have said in your post it sounds as though your dogs need to be watched full time and need to be separated while in your parents house at least. So every time your parents enter or leave one of the rooms the dogs are in they need to make sure they close the door after them or ww3 may break out. They will probably have a dog running under their feet quiet a lot of the time, might this be dangerous for them too?

I am not trying to be critical but you have made the dogs sound like a lot of work and even though you are taking responsibility it sounds as though this could well be a stressful situation for your parents.

To be fair the OP is not asking for advice on whether this is or not stressful for their parents. OP as its not your house I think most people especially friends will understand and won't want their kids around so many dogs.

SwanSky

OP, never mind making excuses - feel free to ask your friend to keep her kids home for the obvious reason that this is an unsuitable environment. Also it's a stressful situation on your parents, just say what needs to be said and take no nonsense on the subject.

ifElseThen

Instead of visiting in your house, why not invite her to meet your in a pub near you. That way she can bring her kids or not if she wants a break and your dogs can stay indoors?

Taltos

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If you have no constructive advice to offer please don't post. At best it doesn't help the OP at worst it is considered off topic and can result in bans.

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Taltos

Lollipops23

OP, I have a condition that means I'm very allergic to dogs- even so, before I got my meds sorted (OTC don't work), I used to HATE asking people to put the dog in another room/outside-purely as I know how treasured most indoor dogs are. It'd be like sticking their child out in the cold.

I don't see there being any issue in asking your friend not to bring the kids- explain that there's one newbie in the group and with the little ones running around you'd just be a bit nervous of it all kicking off.

padd b1975

Any parent worth their salt will not bring their children next nor near a house with 5 dogs being kept inside virtually on a permanent basis.

With respect OP, the smell and amount of germs/bacteria floating around in the house must be something else.

By all means mention it to her, but my guess is she will come alone or arrange to meet somewhere local.

Big Bag of Chips

You can ask her, of course, OP. But we/you can't guarantee that she won't be a little bit offended.

Who knows, she might have no intention of bringing them *or* she might be looking forward to you seeing her kids? Have you seen them yet? Have you seen the small baby?

I'm sorry to say, and maybe you don't mean it, but the tone of your post suggests you'd rather she didn't bring the kids... And the dogs are just a good excuse to use. Maybe that's not the case at all?

Could you arrange to go out with her for a few drinks instead? I know you are saying that all the dogs might be a bit much for your parents, but if you go out for 2 hours at 9 o clock some night, will it be that much of an ordeal for them?

If you foresee that the dogs really are going to be that much of a handful all together in your parents house, would it be worth considering putting them into boarding kennels for the few days?

leahyl

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

exactly! And whoever said theres no such thing as house dogs. thats incorrect. There actually are breeds who are not made for outside weather and have no interest in playing outside all day and need human company a lot. we have one. OP, I liked the idea of you visiting this year, might solve your problem.

Completely agree - we have a bichon frise and couldn't imagine leaving him outside in the cold at night - he'd fret so much he'd probably die (if not from the cold first!)

Raminahobbin

Daisy M wrote: »

From what you have said in your post it sounds as though your dogs need to be watched full time and need to be separated while in your parents house at least. So every time your parents enter or leave one of the rooms the dogs are in they need to make sure they close the door after them or ww3 may break out. They will probably have a dog running under their feet quiet a lot of the time, might this be dangerous for them too?

I am not trying to be critical but you have made the dogs sound like a lot of work and even though you are taking responsibility it sounds as though this could well be a stressful situation for your parents.

When you have several dogs of course there is going to be more management involved, especially when there's a new enough dog in the mix and all the dogs will have their routine disrupted. It's not necessarily that there's going to be fights between the dogs, but any good dog owner worth their salt is keeping an eye on all the variable factors in a situation like this and doing their best to minimise any fuss; whether is be excess noise / needing to go outside / potential chewing of items etc.

The OP is, like any responsible dog owner, just trying to anticipate problems before they arise. She's just making sure that any potentially exacerbating factors are neutralised now. It would be a very naive and stupid thing to do to just arrive with a bunch of dogs into the excitement of Christmas and presents, and lock them into an area with an existing bunch of dogs and walk off down to the shops for a few hours! It's be the same as throwing a bunch of kids high on sugar into a room together and leaving them unsupervised! There'd be murder

OP, just do what you said and let your friend know that a few of the dogs are 'cranky' and not used to kids. She'd be a bit silly to insist they come and I don't know any mother who would!

Edit- OH! And if she suggests putting them outside (which she might is she's not a doggie person and thinks they'll be fine) just laugh and tell her they'd rip the door down and that your parent's wouldn't be too happy with their doors in bits! That's what I do anyway when I don't want to banish my dog

Taltos

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Daisy M

Raminahobbin wrote: »

When you have several dogs of course there is going to be more management involved, especially when there's a new enough dog in the mix and all the dogs will have their routine disrupted. It's not necessarily that there's going to be fights between the dogs, but any good dog owner worth their salt is keeping an eye on all the variable factors in a situation like this and doing their best to minimise any fuss; whether is be excess noise / needing to go outside / potential chewing of items etc.

The OP is, like any responsible dog owner, just trying to anticipate problems before they arise. She's just making sure that any potentially exacerbating factors are neutralised now. It would be a very naive and stupid thing to do to just arrive with a bunch of dogs into the excitement of Christmas and presents, and lock them into an area with an existing bunch of dogs and walk off down to the shops for a few hours! It's be the same as throwing a bunch of kids high on sugar into a room together and leaving them unsupervised! There'd be murder

OP, just do what you said and let your friend know that a few of the dogs are 'cranky' and not used to kids. She'd be a bit silly to insist they come and I don't know any mother who would!

Edit- OH! And if she suggests putting them outside (which she might is she's not a doggie person and thinks they'll be fine) just laugh and tell her they'd rip the door down and that your parent's wouldn't be too happy with their doors in bits! That's what I do anyway when I don't want to banish my dog

I have to agree I wouldnt bring my children into a house where there are so many dogs it would be bedlam nor would I want the op to visit my house with that many dogs so I think some kind of compromise would need to be met.
I do get the impression that the op doesnt want her friend to feel insulted and is trying to find the nicest possible way to mention this but it also comes across as though she is not too bothered if she sees the friend.

If this was me and I considered this person a good friend what I would do is explain the circumstances to her and arrange to call to see her in the new year. It sounds as though the friend always call over when the op is home so maybe its time to return the favour.

Also I do think its presumptious to think that she will have no bother getting the children minded, just because she has family who like to help out doesnt necessarily mean she will always want to avail of this. I doubt the op would be impressed if her friend presumed that her parents could mind the dogs while they chat.

implausible

OP, have you seen the new baby before? Maybe the purpose of this visit is for you to see your friend's baby. If this is the case, I know I would personally be a bit put out and see it as my friend having no interest in seeing the new arrival.

mosi

Daisy M wrote: »

To be honest I don't think you understood my point, I probably did not word it very well.
From what you have said in your post it sounds as though your dogs need to be watched full time and need to be separated while in your parents house at least. So every time your parents enter or leave one of the rooms the dogs are in they need to make sure they close the door after them or ww3 may break out. They will probably have a dog running under their feet quiet a lot of the time, might this be dangerous for them too?

I am not trying to be critical but you have made the dogs sound like a lot of work and even though you are taking responsibility it sounds as though this could well be a stressful situation for your parents.

Raminahobbin wrote: »

When you have several dogs of course there is going to be more management involved, especially when there's a new enough dog in the mix and all the dogs will have their routine disrupted. It's not necessarily that there's going to be fights between the dogs, but any good dog owner worth their salt is keeping an eye on all the variable factors in a situation like this and doing their best to minimise any fuss; whether is be excess noise / needing to go outside / potential chewing of items etc.

The OP is, like any responsible dog owner, just trying to anticipate problems before they arise. She's just making sure that any potentially exacerbating factors are neutralised now. It would be a very naive and stupid thing to do to just arrive with a bunch of dogs into the excitement of Christmas and presents, and lock them into an area with an existing bunch of dogs and walk off down to the shops for a few hours! It's be the same as throwing a bunch of kids high on sugar into a room together and leaving them unsupervised! There'd be murder

OP, just do what you said and let your friend know that a few of the dogs are 'cranky' and not used to kids. She'd be a bit silly to insist they come and I don't know any mother who would!

Edit- OH! And if she suggests putting them outside (which she might is she's not a doggie person and thinks they'll be fine) just laugh and tell her they'd rip the door down and that your parent's wouldn't be too happy with their doors in bits! That's what I do anyway when I don't want to banish my dog

You summed it up perfectly. They've all met each other before and have been fine, but that is not to say they can or should all be left together. A minor disagreement between two can escalate when there's a few. With various strays I've taken in, I've had to introduce quite a few dogs into my household. It's usually gone smoothly, but without supervision some incidents could have turned out badly. Playing has to be supervised, walks managed etc., and their different quirks catered to. It all leads to a nice unstressful household. My parents aren't worried about me bringing the extra dogs, they're well used to dogs.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

If you foresee that the dogs really are going to be that much of a handful all together in your parents house, would it be worth considering putting them into boarding kennels for the few days?

They wouldn't be at all impressed with kennels. As I said, I'm not worried about them being in the house, it's bringing very young children into the mix that would be the problem as to try and have them in the house would upset all the management procedures.

implausible wrote: »

OP, have you seen the new baby before? Maybe the purpose of this visit is for you to see your friend's baby. If this is the case, I know I would personally be a bit put out and see it as my friend having no interest in seeing the new arrival.

Not the new one, though I will before Christmas. That's the other thing, it's not like Christmas is the only time of year I get to see my friend. It's just that we usually meet up over the holiday.

padd b1975 wrote: »

Any parent worth their salt will not bring their children next nor near a house with 5 dogs being kept inside virtually on a permanent basis.

With respect OP, the smell and amount of germs/bacteria floating around in the house must be something else.

Not a dog person then? They're all wormed, groomed regularly etc and both our houses smell fine.

It's been interesting reading the different responses, mind.
I'm just going to say it straight to her, that if she wants to call it's best not to bring the little ones, but will make sure to do it in the presence of said children...that should minimise any offence. I don't see how it shoud be offensive really though, considering it is about ensuring the wellbeing of all involved.

3rdDegree

Parents are extremely touchie about their kids. If she's not a doggie person, she'll never understand why you just don't put the dogs out. In fact, even if she is a doggie person, she may think this. I'll bet that once you give her the "conditions" for her visit, you'll find she won't be able to come see you this year. Let us know.

Maura74

username123 wrote: »

Absolutely agree.

I dont like people visiting my home with children as its not remotely child proof and everytime someone visits with children the children get bored and my stuff gets broken.

I definitely wouldnt like to be mixing dogs and children in someone elses home!

I dont see whats rude about saying to your friend that it would be more sensible to leave the kids at home given the circumstances?

I would be the same as dogs can be unpredictable, just recently I hear on the news little jack russell killed a baby with just one bite.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/9693689/Harry-Harper-family-devastated-after-grandparents-dog-attacks-newborn-baby.html#


http://www.ukandspain.com/dangerous-dogs/


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2225758/Gloria-Knowles-dies-savaged-daughters-pack-dogs.html

Taltos

Maura74 - please take some time to read our charter before you post again. PI is strictly moderated and breaches to our charter are seriously dealt, even more so when there is a moderator warning in a thread such as this.

Thanks
Taltos

** Questioning a mod action in a thread in the Personal Issues forum is considered off topic and unhelpful posting and may result in a ban from the forum.

The_Conductor

OP- with the best of will in the world- you're going to have a considerable number of dogs present, some of whom it sounds haven't been in each other's company previously- it would be dangerous to have young children present in conditions like this (regardless of how docile a dog is- in the presence of stranger dogs, alongside inquisitive young children- its a recipe for disaster).

There is no simple way to tell your friend- and you will certainly be insulting her telling her not to bring her children. You're going to have to be 100% honest and forthright with her.

To be honest with you- I don't fully understand why you're bringing so many dogs together if you feel your parents may have a job managing them for even a short period of time. Surely everyone would have a less stressful time- if you considered kennelling them for a few days? Do you really want to introduce a traumatised dog into what sounds like a pack of dogs over the Christmas holidays? Personally I'd be making alternate arrangements- at very least as a stand-by, in case things don't work out.

Raminahobbin

smccarrick wrote: »

OP- with the best of will in the world- you're going to have a considerable number of dogs present, some of whom it sounds haven't been in each other's company previously- it would be dangerous to have young children present in conditions like this (regardless of how docile a dog is- in the presence of stranger dogs, alongside inquisitive young children- its a recipe for disaster).

There is no simple way to tell your friend- and you will certainly be insulting her telling her not to bring her children. You're going to have to be 100% honest and forthright with her.

To be honest with you- I don't fully understand why you're bringing so many dogs together if you feel your parents may have a job managing them for even a short period of time. Surely everyone would have a less stressful time- if you considered kennelling them for a few days? Do you really want to introduce a traumatised dog into what sounds like a pack of dogs over the Christmas holidays? Personally I'd be making alternate arrangements- at very least as a stand-by, in case things don't work out.

Everybody seems to think the OP is visiting this massive burden on her parents- shes not, shes just anticipating problems so her parents don't have to!

It's the same as parents setting out for a long drive with their kids and making sure everyone has gone to the bathroom and has something to occupy themselves in the back of the car.

It's just ensuring asmooth passage for all concerned, and she won't find it stressful, nor will her parents, unless something they have no control of upsets the balance- like a bunch of young kids.

mosi

smccarrick wrote: »

OP- with the best of will in the world- you're going to have a considerable number of dogs present, some of whom it sounds haven't been in each other's company previously- it would be dangerous to have young children present in conditions like this (regardless of how docile a dog is- in the presence of stranger dogs, alongside inquisitive young children- its a recipe for disaster).

There is no simple way to tell your friend- and you will certainly be insulting her telling her not to bring her children. You're going to have to be 100% honest and forthright with her.

To be honest with you- I don't fully understand why you're bringing so many dogs together if you feel your parents may have a job managing them for even a short period of time. Surely everyone would have a less stressful time- if you considered kennelling them for a few days? Do you really want to introduce a traumatised dog into what sounds like a pack of dogs over the Christmas holidays? Personally I'd be making alternate arrangements- at very least as a stand-by, in case things don't work out.

Maybe I didn't explain, the dogs have all met each other before without incident, one of mine that will be with me knows two of theirs very well, while the newer dogs all get on. I've made sure that my newest dog has been out for visits so as to gauge how they get on, and to get him somewhat familiar with the place. One of my three doesn't get on too well with my parents' JRT, so he will most likely go with my OH to his parents. I'm still not going to leave them all together unsupervised though, nor am I going to dump mine onto my parents and go swanning off. If the dogs were the problem, I'd be asking for advice in API.
I'm interested how (and I've seen this in a few posts), you agree that it would be unwise to bring children into that environment, yet see that it is insulting to ask for them not to come because of the number of dogs present...surely it follows that it is common sense and not a personal slight that any visit is adults only?

ppink

Mosi I assume the dogs dont have crates you could put them in for the couple of hours your friend is there? Otherwise I would have no bones in saying to her that you are just worried about her bringing the kids over as there are a lot of dogs and some very excitable.

I would be making some effort to meet her with the kids though if I was you, even if it just 30mins in town or whatever.

P. Breathnach

This thread has generated a great deal of heat. I suspect that part of the reason for that is the way OP posed the question.

OP, I think the best line to take is to avoid asking your friend not to bring her children. Get her to make the decision on visiting. Tell her about the dogs being there and your concern about how they might interact with children (any children). She will then have the basis on which to make a decision, and unless she is very silly she will not bring her children. Whether it suits her to visit without her children, or she proposes a different arrangement, is entirely her choice.

iguana

I don't see anything wrong with telling her that the house isn't suitable for children to be in due to the dogs. I don't think it should be seen as an insult to her children. At the same time you don't know the exact details of her situation over Christmas so it's possible that she won't be able to visit you if she can't bring them, so don't take it personally if she says she can't go without them. But maybe if, she can't get away from them you could work out something else.

How about, if the weather isn't completely stinking, you arrange to meet your friend for a walk. You could bring your dogs so they aren't left with your parents and her kids are young enough that she most likely has a buggy for them. You and your friend can have a chat and a catch up, while the dogs are exercised so not too likely to be bothered about the children and the children will have a secure place to be in their buggy.