How to approach someone when I'm older

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm 36 year old girl and I recently joined a sports club and I really like one of the guys there. He's 26/27 but seems mature for his age.
I on the other hand am not a typical 36 year old. I have a very young attitude, a bit immature!
I am just getting to know him and the more I talk with him the more I like him.
I don't know if he has a girlfriend.

Anyway my situation is I've never been married, don't have any kids. I would like kids eventually but not straightaway.
He knows I'm older (not sure how old) and I look young for my age.
But do you think he could be interested in someone that much older?

I know people will say, how do we know what he thinks? But I would just like some opinions.
I don't want to ask him out either, as I'm not sure if he has a girlfriend. I would like to suss out the situation a bit more.
Any advice please.
Thank you

CaraMay

There are plenty fo relationships with that boy / girl age gap.

Ask him what he will be doing on Xmas day and take it from there. He may mention spending it with his girlfriend or drop some kind of hint if he is going out with someone.

After that ask him for a coffee (assuming he is single) or a Xmas drink.

daisybelle2008

Mrsrobinson wrote: »

Hi, I'm 36 year old girl and I recently joined a sports club and I really like one of the guys there. He's 26/27 but seems mature for his age.
I on the other hand am not a typical 36 year old. I have a very young attitude, a bit immature!
I am just getting to know him and the more I talk with him the more I like him.
I don't know if he has a girlfriend.

Anyway my situation is I've never been married, don't have any kids. I would like kids eventually but not straightaway.
He knows I'm older (not sure how old) and I look young for my age.
But do you think he could be interested in someone that much older?

I know people will say, how do we know what he thinks? But I would just like some opinions.
I don't want to ask him out either, as I'm not sure if he has a girlfriend. I would like to suss out the situation a bit more.
Any advice please.
Thank you

There are no hard and fast rules regarding age. Different people have different preferences. Simply flirt and get a feel for if it is mutual, if not move on.

If I can make an observation regarding your post, you seem very hung up on the age thing and I am not sure why you go into all the detail about marriage and children. You might be in danger of getting too intense and serious. You barely know this guy, you are only at a stage of engaging in some mild flirtation. At that stage all this stuff about age, marriage and kids should not even enter your head. If there is mutual chemistry and he is single is as far as your head needs to be taking things. Even then don't get too caught up.

fungun

Surely just asking 'what are your plans for the weekend' is a nice and easy way to get any info on potential girlfriend or not. If still not obvious can ask about Christmas as CaraMay suggested.

I think its appropriate to include all that info - despite the fact that she says she "would like kids eventually but not straightaway", the reality is that she would want to get a bit of a move on if she hopes to conceive easily. Also, her inclusion of it emphasises that she is looking for a serious relationship.
My advice on this bit: age gap is fine, try not to worry about it The bigger problem may be your wishes for a family in next few years where he may be thinking thats 10 years+ away for him. I think its important not to get hung up on this at the start and dont even mention kids etc until you know each other a bit better

But thats all ahead of just seeing does he like you, good luck

LegacyUser

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

If I can make an observation regarding your post, you seem very hung up on the age thing and I am not sure why you go into all the detail about marriage and children. You might be in danger of getting too intense and serious. You barely know this guy, you are only at a stage of engaging in some mild flirtation. At that stage all this stuff about age, marriage and kids should not even enter your head. If there is mutual chemistry and he is single is as far as your head needs to be taking things. Even then don't get too caught up.

The reason I included the info about my background was to show that I wasn't at a completely different life stage than this guy (despite the age difference) i.e. we are both not married and have no kids.

I'm not intense or serious. I would start off as casual and see where things go. I'm not hung up on the age difference - if I was I wouldn't even consider starting anything with him. I just know that some people may have a problem with it and I suppose I would like their views. For example a guy this age may see me as someone whose biological clock is ticking and may not want anything to do with me.

daisybelle2008

mrsrobinson wrote: »

The reason I included the info about my background was to show that I wasn't at a completely different life stage than this guy (despite the age difference) i.e. we are both not married and have no kids.

I'm not intense or serious. I would start off as casual and see where things go. I'm not hung up on the age difference - if I was I wouldn't even consider starting anything with him. I just know that some people may have a problem with it and I suppose I would like their views. For example a guy this age may see me as someone whose biological clock is ticking and may not want anything to do with me.

Ok well some people are going to believe you are under pressure to conceive and desperate for a serious relationship others won't. It only really matters how you feel. Nobody can tell you what this guy feels about dating someone older. In my experience it depends on the person. To some it is irrelevant and it is more about the person. Some men actively only date older women (there are a lot of these ), some don't. Just flirt with him and be yourself, the less you focus on your age the less others do. People trying too hard to convince others how 'young' they are is fairly transparent. Just forget it and assume its not an issue.

Sleepy

The reality is, if you want kids, you should be looking to have your first in the next 4 years or so. Everything from conception to healthy delivery gets harder past 40. Yes, you'll have women posting about how they had their first with no hassle in their mid 40's but the statistics all point the same way.

Most 26/27 year old guys aren't going to be on that page.

Unless he's a fairly atypical guy, or you wouldn't be that disappointed never to have children, I think you might be better off looking for a man closer to your own age tbh.

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote: »

The reality is, if you want kids, you should be looking to have your first in the next 4 years or so. Everything from conception to healthy delivery gets harder past 40. Yes, you'll have women posting about how they had their first with no hassle in their mid 40's but the statistics all point the same way.

Most 26/27 year old guys aren't going to be on that page.

Unless he's a fairly atypical guy, or you wouldn't be that disappointed never to have children, I think you might be better off looking for a man closer to your own age tbh.

Please show me an unmarried guy/ guy with no kids at 36 and I will go after him!
I'm being serious, every 30 something guy I meet is either in a very serious relationship/ married, has kids or if they are single I don't fancy them.
And I'm not a fusspot holding out for some Brad Pitt.
I would love to know where these guys are hiding because I haven't come across any.

I didn't deliberately go after a 20-something. In fact when I joined the club I didn't really notice him. But I got to know him and he is just so lovely.
I've thought about late 20-something guys and there a good many settling down. If it was early 20s then I would think they have no interest in settling down

LegacyUser

Sorry forgot to add my Mum had kids at 40 and her Mum had kids at 40, so I'm not overly worried about that. I would have liked many kids but even I only ended up with one child then I would consider that a gift. Life doesn't work out how you plan it! And I say that without sounding mawkish

Meauldsegosha

All this talk of marriage and babies is a bit premature when the OP has barely spoken to the man yet.

OP as others have suggested get chatting to him, suss him out. If he isn't in a relationship ask him for a coffee or drink a take it from there. Age gaps don't matter to some but do to others, you are never going to know until you talk to him.

Hardonraging

Mrsrobinson wrote: »

Please show me an unmarried guy/ guy with no kids at 36 and I will go after him!
I'm being serious, every 30 something guy I meet is either in a very serious relationship/ married, has kids or if they are single I don't fancy them.
And I'm not a fusspot holding out for some Brad Pitt.
I would love to know where these guys are hiding because I haven't come across any.

I didn't deliberately go after a 20-something. In fact when I joined the club I didn't really notice him. But I got to know him and he is just so lovely.
I've thought about late 20-something guys and there a good many settling down. If it was early 20s then I would think they have no interest in settling down

There's plenty of us guys in our early/ mid 30's who are unattached, strange as it may seem..

I will say that i notice a lot of women in there mid 30's seem to get wrapped up with guys in there mid to late 20's mostly as the guys see them as desperate, and an easy target to string along ...

Just an observation on life, more so than advice today ..

daisybelle2008

Hardonraging wrote: »

There's plenty of us guys in our early/ mid 30's who are unattached, strange as it may seem..

I will say that i notice a lot of women in there mid 30's seem to get wrapped up with guys in there mid to late 20's mostly as the guys see them as desperate, and an easy target to string along ...

Just an observation on life, more so than advice today ..

Really?. That is a very sad and negative view you have in your experience. Negative stereotyping and generalisations are really not useful when giving advise.
'Women in their thiries' are not generally that desperate and stupid to be taken advantage of and 'men in their twenties' are generally not assholes preying on vulnerable women to use and string along.
Most men and women regardless of age are not victims and predators!

Hardonraging

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Really?. That is a very sad and negative view you have in your experience. Negative stereotyping and generalisations are really not useful when giving advise.
'Women in their thiries' are not generally that desperate and stupid to be taken advantage of and 'men in their twenties' are generally not assholes preying on vulnerable women to use and string along.
Most men and women regardless of age are not victims and predators!

Ahem ....

I believe in the context of this thread, the lady in question is in her mid 30's and the gentleman she has a crush on is in his 20's .. my statement still holds fast, i hear this general complaint from a lot of ladies who are in the 30's age bracket, they get hit on by men in there 20's ....

I fear you are taking what I'm saying up the wrong way my dear, i did not say it was the rule...

daisybelle2008

Hardonraging wrote: »

Ahem ....

I believe in the context of this thread, the lady in question is in her mid 30's and the gentleman she has a crush on is in his 20's .. my statement still holds fast, i hear this general complaint from a lot of ladies who are in the 30's age bracket, they get hit on by men in there 20's ....

I fear you are taking what I'm saying up the wrong way my dear, i did not say it was the rule...

'My dear' that is not what you said in your previous post and makes even less sense. Are the women complaining to you about being hit on or being strung along because they are desperate easy targets? somehow I'd say neither scenario is happening that much to you. Not sure why you have such a negative view of younger men.

Stereotyping people by their ages is not useful in the context of this thread. What's useful is treating people as individuals not sweeping negative generalisations and condescension.

Taltos

Generalisations / discussions are both against our charter. If anyone has an issue with a post please report it.
Above all else - if you have no constructive advice for the OP please don't post.

Thanks
Taltos

dellas1979

I think what the OP is trying to put out there is that her mentality/attitude is a young out look, but physically she is of a completely different age, but is looking for a potential partner. And she is conscious of this, because she would like children. I dont think there is anything wrong with her being aware of this-she knows what she wants-thats half the battle. But OP you are putting the cart way before the horse and way over thinking this - should be fun getting to know someone, and overthinking the above is actually psyching yourself out before you even start the fun!

The only way to get anything off the ground with this guy is to talk to him!!! Who knows what he thinks! But you are not going to find out till you open yourself up a little and try to get to know him.