Am I the only one???

LegacyUser

32 s fem
I dont know if any other women or experiencing this but I would really like some advice or feedback
Basically I am 32 and am single the last 3 years (by choice)!!!
the amount of comments I get on being single is amazing!!
I am quiet happy with this as I have not met a single man in the last 3 years that
I would like to spend any large quality amount of time with
Don't get me wrong...am reasonably attractive and get plenty of male attention when out
and I still go out on dates.. Only really go out on dates to keep the wheel spinning and not completely gather dust. I actually dread going on dates now and have no interest in it...
Most men I do date seem to have the opinion that women once they hit a certain age are looking for a life long partner and want to settle down. Now I am not saying that this would not be nice but in the 3 years there is no one I have found that spark with and no one that
I feel I have connnected with. I am not prepared to lower my standards just because society seems to dictate that I should be settling down now. I get comments from friends..family..work buddies etc...and they all seem to think that because of my age I must be desperate to meet a man!!! I am very happy with my life but hate the idea that people around me have this misconception and I actually feel under pressure to meet someone. Maybe I am being too fussy...maybe I am just wired this way..I just have no interest in anyone I have met so far...I dont think anything is wrong with me but when so many others bring it up you begin to doubt yourself
any advice on this would be greatly appreciated

LegacyUser

I think this reaction from people is based in societies general opinion that women will want children at some point and the 30s is the later time that they have them, after which its risky or wont happen. So IMO thats what it boils down to, whther you have decided you will have kids at one point or not. If you really dont want them then state to these nosies what is the point when I dont want kids, Im not gonna get a man just because society thinks I should be part of a couple. People just dont want you regretting your chance to have a family. So just state having a family of my own is not important.

tony81

Friendly Female wrote: »

I am not prepared to lower my standards

Only thing that's a bit worrying in your post is this line. Maybe your standards are impossibly high.

The reason why people are surprised you're not married is largely it's a societal norm. In other countries people get married in their late teens or early 20s.

Biologically, well 30s is the last stop for having kids too. A lot of girls who aren't settled by the time they're 30 often ramp up efforts to meet a guy and get everything they wanted since they were little girls (husband, house, kids)

Obviously your priorities might be different.

CaraMay

The worst thing you could do, for you and the guy, is to settle just to conform to other peoples norms....

I always used to respond to those (stupid comments) 'why make one man miserable when you can make 100's happy'... It normally shut them up

LegacyUser

standards not impossibly high...just always seems like I am forcing myself out dating
when I have no interest and thats what worries me more so than anything
Am certain if I met the right one I would have an interest but I just dont and am getting increasingly annoyed with as I say..friends..family...and the men I date thinking I am in the last chance saloon. Yes would like kids at some stage but do not hear the biological clock ticking exceptionally loud. I just feel like sometimes I am not normal to want the whole package or be actively seeking it

cantdecide

Maybe you were being flippant but your approach to dating caught my attention. You appear to just be going through the motions with men and simultaneously looking for someone good enough to tempt you. The question of motivations works both ways. At your age, a lot of guys are thinking about finding someone to settle down with themselves. More of them want other things but the trends are a different story. I don't think you can be that surprised that men also want more than casual dating just to avoid "gathering dust". It's as much age related to both genders as anything else. If you're going on dates with guys you have no interest in for the wrong reasons that's not fair on them, IMO. Just because you're not emotionally invested, doesn't mean that they're not either. Personally, I won't ask out someone lightly and I'd be aggrieved if I were sitting with someone who might only br here to pass the time.

I would be concerned that you are being too fussy and not giving potential partners a fair opportunity, too. Hypothetically, if you decided that finding a partner was moving up on your list of priorities, you would be doing well to reassess what parameters are deal breakers and which ones matter less. Standards shouldn't be set in stone. For most people, they evolve over time.

I detect that maybe you don't know what you want here. I feel that if you were happy to be single forever and it was 100% natural for you to do so, I wonder if you would be posing your question. Your relationship history might have some bearing here. Maybe you feel that you had your Prince Charming and no one else will measure up. Maybe you've been hurt and now find yourself detached. Maybe some more explanation is required.

LegacyUser

Went out with a guy for 5 years but it ended as he went abroad for work and I had responsibilities at home. He was a decent,caring guy and we got on very well but this relationship ended 3 years ago. Its not that I am still carrying a torch for him and hoping that one day we will be reunited. This is not the case at all....Another poster said about being flippant with dating etc....this is coming from 3 years of nonsense from every man I dated...The egomaniacs,the players,the liars...etc..I find it very hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel as regards dating...have tried online dating but to be honest they were very forward in what their intentions were........not looking for relationship and this is also very deflating as had heard great things about online dating and I thought it was very unsuccessful and was very disappointed with it.

CaraMay

Yeah dating is 99.9% of the time a total head melt.

I dont sleep around but found, when dating, that the bulk of guys expect and want sex straight away. It wasnt my cup of tea so most of them moved on immediately. The good thing about that was it weeded them out.

Its so hard to know what to say to you. Its a lottery finding someone to love. I was lucky but it only happened after I totally gave up and just decided to have fun. I know that sounds like an urban myth but its true.

Keep living your life. You are happy as you are and dont need a man to fulfill you as you know. i would keep up the internet dating as there have to be nice guys out there too...