I should just walk away, right?

LegacyUser

I think I know the answers I am going to get because I know what advice I would give to someone in this situation but I'd like to get someone elses perspective on things all the same.

I met a man a few months ago and we started to see each other, at the time I was going through a break-up from a long term relationship. It was probably too soon for me to be seeing anyone really but things got a bit messy, I was still trying to sort out practical with the ex (we have a son & mortgage) and it was all very hard. I ended up cancelling a couple of dates with the guy I was seeing but was always very honest with him. Then one day he just started blanking me. I was very disappointed, apologised for how I treated him etc but got very little in the way of a response. I assumed I had hurt him or maybe it was just too complicated for him or whatever and let it go.

Then a couple of weeks ago I discovered he had a girlfriend the entire time, has been with her for a number of years. I was a bit annoyed and sent him a message saying so & left it at that. At the weekend I was out and we were in the same bar, I tried ignoring him but with a few drinks in me I let my guard down and we got talking. He told me they had been having problems and were broken up when we'd met, he thought I wasn't that interested decided to try and sort things out with her. I told him that I would have much preferred if he'd been honest with me about things and felt blanking me like that was a really mean thing to do. We both kind of apologised and agreed to let it go and be friends.

Since then he has text me everyday, telling me how nice I looked when we met and just random chit chat and then the odd little thing about he hasn't really sorted things with his girlfriend. I did ask him if he was after something one day & he said no that he wanted to be friends like I'd said. Now obviously I've been responding to him and even tough it's supposedly friendly I still think it's wrong and know I should stop. But I really like him, I can't help thinking it was just bad timing and maybe things will work out for us.

I'm confused I guess, rationally I know I should run a mile but I'm sort of letting my heart get in the way of my head

P. Breathnach

You don't know that he was split up with his girlfriend when you were seeing him. You don't know if his current relationship with her is truly bad.

What you do know is that when you were seeing him he was, at the kindest interpretation, not fully open and honest with you. You also know that he is currently in a relationship, at least nominally, but is prepared to pursue you.

Yes, you are right about knowing what sort of answer you might get here: walk away and don't look back.

curlzy

He sounds like a total game player. Cop yourself on, you've a child so you should be old and mature enough to not fall for this cr*p.

LegacyUser

Oh I know really, if a friend of mine asked for advice on this I'd probably be giving them a kick up the arse & telling them to cop on. Time to nip this in the bud

Thanks

CaraMay

He is gamey. If you want your mind melted then keep it up. I just think he is a total messer and personally would tell him to get lost.

StillWaters

What's with the need for all the drama? You met him in the midst of a messy split with your partner, now you want more drama by getting in the middle of his split.

Just take it easy for a while, concentrate on rebuilding yourself and your child's lives without the complications of relationships for a few months at least!

Lorna123

He could be still interested in you OP and the fact that he blanked you for a while would mean that he was hurt when you didn't want to date him. If he was just a player he wouldn't have bothered to blank you because it wouldn't effect him that much. Maybe he would like a relationship with you over his present girlfriend, but it is a bit messy to start dating him while he is in a relationship. Could you ask him how his relationship is going now and if he says "not too well" could you ask him if he wants to continue with it or what. Just tell him out straight that you feel a bit awkward with him texting you every day if he is still in a relationship and that unless he is free you would rather not be in constant contact. If he insists he is just being friendly then just say that texting from time to time is okay for friends but not every day. See what he says to that.