Sister in law advice anyone ! !?!?

fruslady

Hey guys ...
Ok so where do i start, im living with my fiance with the last 4 years, we built a house in the country , im unemployed and my partner is in full time employment, we have no kids but my head is wrecked ! ... my partner is saying we will finish the house / rent it out and go travelling before we start a family .. but it feels lately like we are stuck in the same rut .. day in day out ..and we will never get there !! ... im sick s*** of it being honest ! ...
family members fell out with us since we built our house so we havent got that many ppl around us either which we talk to ... my partner is always busy.. i just feel like im wasting my life away every day and doing nothing !!! im trying to get wrk but u know it is ireland ..... :-(( ... anyone else in this boat or am i just going mad ??! !
and im wondering will i ever just settle and be happy ?!!
any advice would be sound !! xx

Elmidena

Take up a hobby like painting or knitting or something, and you can always try to sell some wares on etsy.com or ebay or a local flea market or the like, and that should take up the hours of your day and make you feel less "stuck". If you're successful selling things, you can put a few pennies together either to help pay off the house, or going towards your holiday fund.

What exactly is the relationship problem you want advice with though? I'm sorry but it didn't jump out at me

Ellsbells

Can you try to do some volunteer work to change your daily routine? Retrain to do something else?

have you spoken to him lately about moving away?

Hardonraging

fruslady wrote: »

Hey guys ...
Ok so where do i start, im living with my fiance with the last 4 years, we built a house in the country , im unemployed and my partner is in full time employment, we have no kids but my head is wrecked ! ... my partner is saying we will finish the house / rent it out and go travelling before we start a family .. but it feels lately like we are stuck in the same rut .. day in day out ..and we will never get there !! ... im sick s*** of it being honest ! ...
family members fell out with us since we built our house so we havent got that many ppl around us either which we talk to ... my partner is always busy.. i just feel like im wasting my life away every day and doing nothing !!! im trying to get wrk but u know it is ireland ..... :-(( ... anyone else in this boat or am i just going mad ??! !
and im wondering will i ever just settle and be happy ?!!
any advice would be sound !! xx

If you're not happy now, with your current situation, do you think you will in the long term ? I guess if you're happy to "settle" for something then you will inevitably, I can read the resentment in your writing already however .
You should really have a conversation with your partner about how unhappy you are with the way your life is playing out.

HeyThereDeliah

fruslady wrote: »

Hey guys ...
Ok so where do i start, im living with my fiance with the last 4 years, we built a house in the country , im unemployed and my partner is in full time employment, we have no kids but my head is wrecked ! ... my partner is saying we will finish the house / rent it out and go travelling before we start a family .. but it feels lately like we are stuck in the same rut .. day in day out ..and we will never get there !! ... im sick s*** of it being honest ! ...
family members fell out with us since we built our house so we havent got that many ppl around us either which we talk to ... my partner is always busy.. i just feel like im wasting my life away every day and doing nothing !!! im trying to get wrk but u know it is ireland ..... :-(( ... anyone else in this boat or am i just going mad ??! !
and im wondering will i ever just settle and be happy ?!!
any advice would be sound !! xx

Sounds like you have cabin fever from being home all day, you need to get out and meet and interact with others.
I know it's not easy get a job but have you looked at courses or volunteer work?

Being home on your own all day is not helping and your BF is probably not seeing that.

fruslady

That is true i didnt mind it at the start because it was like a novelty having my own time ! .. but yes it most certainly feels like cabin fever ! ... i think i just need to vent on this and funny im starting to feel abit better already ! ...

thats true i dont think my fella would be doing anything on purpose but sometimes i do wonder ! i just feel isolated i suppose frm being at hme all day !

HeyThereDeliah

It's natural to feel that way I love having a few weeks at home but then I get itchy feet and need to get back to work.
Are your friends working ? Is there anything close that you can get involved in?
The longer you are at home the harder it is to get motivated and look for work.

fruslady

most of my friends are working the whole time , but they live far away too ! ... i have a few neighbours but they are way older than me settled and their kids are nearly out of secondary school !! ! ... im looking everyday for work so i dont think im lacking the motivation just yet , but i am beginning to wonder these days wat the hell life has in store for me at all !!!

dannyc31

OP in my opinion i think you should trust your boyfriend. he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

i think this would be the ideal thing for you both to do, finish the house, rent it out and get the f*ck out of this god forsaken country for a year possibly 2 years if you can manage it. (there is nothing here for anyone for the next few years and our government knows it but cant obviously tell people that. they need their votes at the end of the day)the travelling, expanding your horizons etc will do you the world of good.

too many irish people dont seem to see past their little small town community and dont realise there is a whole amazing planet out there to be explored with lots of experiences to be had.

you are defo getting cabin fever because you have not set up any goals yet so my advice would be for you would be to work with your boyfriend in getting the house finished, chip in, not sure what needs to be done, but if its painting etc whats to stop you doing that, all the time knowing you are getting closer to some amazing travelling and experiences away from recession ireland, you wont regret it beleive me.

fruslady

dannyc31 wrote: »

OP in my opinion i think you should trust your boyfriend. he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

i think this would be the ideal thing for you both to do, finish the house, rent it out and get the f*ck out fo this good forsaken country for a year possibly 2 years if you can manage it. (there is nothing here for anyone for the next few years and our government knows it but cant obviously tell people that. they need their votes at the end of the day)the travelling, expanding your horizons etc will do you the world of good.

too many irish people dont seem to see past their little small town community and dont realise there is a whole amazing planet out there to be explored with lots of experiences to be had.

you are defo getting cabin fever because you have not set up any goals yet so my advice would be for you would be to work with your boyfriend in getting the house finished, chip in, not sure what needs to be done, but if its painting etc whats to stop you doing that, all the time knowing you are getting closer to some amazing travelling and experiences away from recession ireland, you wont regret it beleive me.

I must say i have to totally agree with you on the seeing past the community ! ... we wouldnt be too sociable around the place but i think we are afraid of getting out of our comfort zone, well esp my boyfriend because we built on his home land ! ... there is not much in this country indeed and i suppose its so true i can set the goal to finish the house ! ... i actually was smiling and nodding when i was reading your response , that will tell u ! .. thanks so much !!! ... i dont think we would regret it anyway!!! hopefully !:D

LegacyUser

op i just wanted to say that reading your first post i thought i was seeing things, like had i posted that while sleepwalking or something and didn't remember, cause honestly i could have written that word for word!!!

my own case is a bit different though, as my OH admitted a bit down the line he never had any REAL intention of moving, he just said it to get me down here. that's something that's caused a LOT of hurt and resentment within the relationship so i will say talk, talk, talk, talk talk and then talk some more between the two of you about your future plans. make sure you're both on the same page at all times. busy yourself with finishing the house, but also have something lined up for when it is actually finished, i kinda think that for us finishing the house and the immediate period after that was a bit like post natal depression or something!! like we had been putting all our energies into this baby and when it was finally 'born' lol, it was like ''wtf do i do now''? for me, cause he had his job to focus on whereas i was at home all the time. best of luck with it, the two of ye - building ye're own house is a fantastic achievement. and good luck with the eventual move too! x

fruslady

K im throwing this out there because basically my fiance's family are wrecking my head ...
We built a house 4 years ago about 500 metres frm his ma n bro ,his bro then met a woman which is a complete nightmare, since the day i met her she has caused me nothing but trouble.
And to make matters worse myself and my fiance have been told within the last year that she is seeing a different man behind his bro back ...she was seen
We told his mam, but she was hesitant to believe it at the start. And then called us liars.
So we had to get her to believe it with her own ears.
Thing is , the entire family has turned against myself and my fiance since we built our house anyway before this cheating thing happened .. the basic begrudging jealousy im guessing because i havent done anything to any one of them.
But the woman thats cheating on his brother is seen as a princess to the entire lot of them .. they also have a child together in which my fiances bro rarely gets to see. (they dont live together)
Even family weddings this woman gets invited to everything , but myself and my fiance are completely left out of everything , This all may sound abit childish but it really gets to me at times been left out (im an only child on my side).. for no reason, when the other woman is amking a complete fool out of his bro and only after his money ...
Any advice id appreciate it because myself and my fiance are so sick of things we are thinking of emmigrating..
This woman also goes on holiday alone for weeks on end and leaves the child...

xDramaxQueenx

To be honest it's really none of your business what goes on between your brother in law and his partner. Stop being so concerned about their lives and concentrate on your own.

fruslady

I completely understand that and i wasnt getting involved , i was brought into everything from day one.. Myself and my fiance were invited to his brothers best friends party and it was his brothers best friend that told us.
The same as she is non stop talking about me and my problems .. wrk etc and even money to people.. so how can i concentrate on my own things when she is just doing everything in her power to drag me down .. she is constantly asking people around where we live .. am i working .. my car was off the road for a few months and practically the whole parish was questioned why i didnt have my car ?!!!? ...my neighbour was even asked about our mortgage by her ?????
Being honest i couldnt give a toss about her and her life but why is she tormenting me and mine when clearly she isnt quiet a princess after all ....

Just ignore her and let her preoccupy herself with this nonsense if she wants, and you mind your own business
Nobody is going to believe you about her cheating anyway if you fall down to her petty level and games

fruslady

Its quiet hard to ignore when every day there is something with her .... I even got reported (was out sick for 4 weeks and got called in) .. my post was robbed by the same woman .. caught on camera...
I could go on and on , i am exhausted emotionally because of this woman ... and i dont have any children of my own as yet i can imagine the trouble she will cause then and i just dont know do i want all the agro from her, i seriously think the woman is disturbed. its like all she talks about is me and my life aruound the place ...

Stheno

Seriously emigrate.

Then she's out of your hair and you hers.

fruslady

Thats true .. could really do with a break from the woman !!! ....

ElleEm

Again, there is nothing you can do.
With criminal stuff, you could report her to the Gardai. But she is gonna be around your boyfriend's family for the forseeable future so just get on with it.
Don't invite her into your home, don't engage in conversations with/ about her and get on with your life.
If you are chatting with your neighbour, make it known that you don't want them feeding your one info.
She sounds like a busybody... but there is nothing you can do about someone being nosey.
If your fiance wants to see his neice/ nephew, then he should arrange it with his brother.

Is there any reason you went to the mother and not the brother with the cheating allegations? Seems a bit out of order, and feeds into the nosiness and encourages chatting behind people's backs.

Move out and live somewhere else so

Moved from The Ladies' Lounge to Personal Issues.

Personal Issues charter now applies. Please read before posting.

edellc

OP you seriously need to stop engaging with this woman, it is none of your business if she is cheating or not, you where always going to come out the worst by telling the mother and regardless of what she has done since her excuse for it will always be what you said to the mother.

So what if she asks the parish this and that about you, dont be telling anyone you dont class as a close friend your business then she can ask who she like what she likes and will learn nothing, but will look like a complete gossip to who she is asking.

Stop telling the inlaws your business its a need to know basis, if they do prefer her over you then why would you share stuff with them so they can say it to her even if it is just general conversation

OP you can only control your actions and how you react to others you can not control others actions and how they react to you so once you understand that then maybe you can stop getting so wound up by this one, as its you who will be having the heart attack over her and is she really worth that....me thinks not, so chill out and leave her off to her playground antics, focus on you and your adult life.

Meauldsegosha

If you have evidence of her stealing your post report it to the Gaurds. Did you or your finance ask her why she stole your post?

Taltos

OP - I have merged your two threads.
While your latest thread came in from another forum we encourage posters not to open multiple threads on the same issue - normally we would just close the new thread.

Thanks
Taltos

ABajaninCork

She has no life. People like this I just feel sorry for. I agree with Edellc. Stop telling people your business, and only speak to the woman when necessary. It'll only end up like Chinese Whispers, and by the time it gets back to you, it'll probably bear absolutely no resemblance to what you said in the first place!

Being from London, I find it quite amusing to see how a lot of Irish people want to tell you everything about themselves and expect the same in return. My husband is sometimes guilty of this, and couldn't understand why I kept shooting him filthy looks...For the same reason, I keep contact with my SiL to a minimum as the woman likes to chat people's business for a living!

OTOH - you could create a bit of entertainment for yourself. Make up something completely stupid and see if it has legs!

Big Bag of Chips

The OP has closed her account, so we will close the thread.

Thanks all,
Big Bag of Chips.