Co worker always belittling me

LegacyUser

Hi,

I work with a guy who constantly talks over me and contradicts me when I'm trying to speak to people or when they're trying to speak to me.
It's gotten to the point where people just ask him because they'll get his opinion anyway! Even my boss has told me he's noticed it and says I should be more outspoken.
I would raise this with the guy, or at least say "Sorry I was speaking" when he butts in, but he's friends with a very childish girl on the team. Often when he starts disagreeing with me and I try and make my point, she'll agree with him and then they'll IM each other afterwards and make a point of giggling out loud. It's like teenage girls passing each other notes in class!
Should I raise the issue of him belittling me and talking over me with him, and let him see he's got to me and have him go giggling to her, or am I better to rise above the whole thing?
The problem is that to outsiders, it looks like my own teammates have no faith in my ability to do my job.

I know many people would say to talk to the boss, but he very much encourages us to resolve our interpersonal issues between ourselves.
A lot of the giggling etc happens when the boss isn't away so it's my word against theirs on that front anyway, and they are so childish that I don't want to go to him and look like I can't handle behaviour that's so immature.

edellc

I do think you should keep doing what your doing to an extent, so when others arrive and ask questions do say "sorry i was speaking" if it continues apologies to the person asking the question for the childish behaviour of your collegues

let them pi each other and laugh out loud, you can not control their actions but you can control how you react to it and them and you need to rise above it and be the bigger person yes its hard sometimes but running to the boss wont go down well


if all else fails record this co worker on your mobile when its participially bad and then when you get them on their own play it back to them and tell them that if it doesn't stop your bringing this to the boss...some times you need to stoop to their level as they just dont have the brain power to get it

can I just point out I was joking about the recording thing, obviously confronting this individual is the mature and right thing to do and see if that works first, also as i already said the op should be a bigger person and rise above this nonsense a very last resort and if the OP has the balls to do it with a straight face is the recording and obviously its just a threat, dont actually go to the boss with it, thats just career suicide

Procrastastudy

Hmmm not sure I agree with the recording bit - anyway.

I'd have an informal chat with your co-worker and say "Bob - I'm sure you don't realise it but it feels like you talk over me sometimes."

See what he says, he might not realise, he might appolagise, he might shrug it off or he might just come out with something like; "that's because you're a ....". Either way you've attempted to tackle the problem like an adult.

The next time it happens I'd say something along the lines of "Bob - if you'd be kind enough to let me finish I'm sure your input will be taken on board".

Depending on the reactions you'll probably need to continue to make the point. Stay cool - better to stay cool and say nothing than explode and look like the donkey-bonnet.

The idea scenario is if he's rude to you in the initial conversation. I'd say, in front of who ever is talking at the time or in the middle of a meeting "Bob - notwithstanding you think I'm a .... I would appreciate it if you'd let me finish". You'll probably get a eeewwww get her type response - just jokingly shrug it off as "I just wanted to give him something to text Jenny with."

That's my 2 cents anyway.

JaneWillow

I think the mature approach would be to adress this problem to him and say how much it troubles you and that it makes you feel like you're not good at doing your job. Also adress the issue to your boss/superior if it's needed.

I don't feel like adressing the problem with your coworker in front of all the other coworkers is a good way of dealing with it. He might feel threatened and angry for being put on the spot like that.

Defo go for the 1 on 1 talk. If it doesn't work we can figure something out from there I recon.

On the other hand, his immaturity is probably something other people notice too and I doubt they'd have much respect for a person like that. So don't get yourself to upset over this guy.

phoenix999

It's not a question of being more 'outspoken' but more assertive. The guy seems pig ignorant, don't let it get to you or stoop to his level. You can be cooperative without being hostile.